You've got yourself stuck in the Orange vMeme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiral_Dynamics#Orange). You won't always be happy doing work for another person, maybe define a life purpose and mold everything around to that...
HN Help: I'm lost
121–130 of 272 posts
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#122Well you're not alone... got a lot of commentary to this post, eh? My small datapoint that helps me to some degree at my moments of 'life dispair' is my 'hobby', a small sailboat. Just big enough to sleep in, it's not an expensive yacht, heck it cost $500 at an auction. But, what it does for me in this context is give a real 'out', I could theoretically climb on and head south, right, that wouldn't happen but it gives the mind a moment of escape. It's also my learning boat, for the round the world trip once the kid is out of college... That may happen. Hang in there, you'll find your way.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#123Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#124Earlier quoted context omitted.
I personally find the thought very depressing that building a house and raising a family should be the completion of life. Nothing against raising a family, I just don't know yet what to tell my kids: I don't want to tell them "build a house and raise family and your life will be fulfilled" (infinite circle). What a strange comment. First, the meaning of life (or the closest that life has to an intrinsic meaning code…
I probably did not explain it very well. What I don't want is to defer answering the hard question indefinitely by passing it on to my kids. It is irrelevant that our genes/life "wants" to reproduce. We have to make up our mind as to what we want to do with life. Actually our genes/life does not want anything. It just so happens that historically reproducing was a good strategy for genes to survive (might not always…
I think you explained it fine. If you sacrifice your dreams in the name of your children, and accept a dull life, the example you are setting is "sacrifice your dreams and accept a dull life". But presumably you don't actually want your kids to live that way, so the strategy is an unhappy contradiction.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#125“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.” First, tell your wife exactly what you've written here. What you're about to do will scare the snot out of her if she doesn't understand your motivation. The fact that you've posted somethin…
Another possibility is to ask for a cut in your hours at work. That is what I have done, and it feels great. I was cut from 40+ hours to 30 hours by request, and now I use the extra time to work on side projects. When you find that you are earning more money in those extra 10 to 20 hours of side work than you are in the 10 hours you cut, it may be time to fully release yourself from the burden of a endless, meaningless job.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#126Earlier quoted context omitted.
I shudder at the thought of HN turning into Slashdot, where know-it-alls feel the need to hijack any genuine religious feeling or discussion by injecting the latest anti-religion meme picked up from the intertubes. As of this writing the grandparent is voted down, so maybe the change is already happening. But I felt the grandparent was at least a good faith attempt toward something readable and interesting, whereas t…
""I shudder at the thought of HN turning into Slashdot, where know-it-alls feel the need to hijack any genuine religious feeling or discussion by injecting the latest anti-religion meme picked up from the intertubes." And I shudder at the thought of HN turning into a place where appeals for advice are met by "Turn to $Diety, who watcheth over us all". That something may be believed with high conviction is not a measu…
plinkplonk: My post was made for no other reason but to answer lostsheep's honest questions with the only honest answer I have. I sincerely apologize for "polluting HN" with my honest thoughts. If I had seen that he added an email address to his account I would have just emailed him since I know most people here don't appreciate religious discussions.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#127Earlier quoted context omitted.
His family might disagree.
Yeah its one thing to deprive yourself of things, but when you start depriving your offspring of things, that's tough. Having a family changes all the goalposts.
Disagree. Comfort breeds complacency. Complacency breeds discontent.
My family was completely nomadic growing up. While it was kind of a constant uncertain adventure, I see, as an adult, how it made me a better and stronger person.
Look at people with a small zone of comfort, people who are so incredibly attached to their physical manifestations of "success" and they are some of the most unhappy people ever. Living the nomadic existence more or less teaches people to value their relationships with people over things or those things that 9-5 drudgery provides.
Besides, children are resilient. I would never trade the memory of the time with my parents & family -- moving, camping, learning and adapting all over the freaking place -- for memories of what most adults would call a "stable" childhood.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#128Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#129Check out "The Money is the Gravy"
http://www.amazon.ca/Money-Gravy-John-Clark/dp/0446692689/re...
It may sound trite to suggest a self-help book but trust me - this book is different. My story is not that different from yours - I am in my early 40s, 3 kids, family depends on me financially, I have gone through some rough patches in my IT career. This book is a good starting point.
Cheers
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#130It seems like you're well qualified, and probably quite an asset to your company. It seems like you're frustrated with your current work/boss situation.
Maybe it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask for fewer hours, or some telecommuting time to be around your children?