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Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

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Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#121

Post by onlyrealcuzzo »

kiawe_fire wrote: post #51

Thank you for sharing. I can relate. This is my first “real” full time job, and I’ve now been there 10 years with little to show for it, and not for lack of trying. Software engineer for a small company, report directly to the owners. Repeatedly, I pour my heart and soul into a project that I believe in, only for ownership to trash the project for superficial reasons. I’ll do small things and get overly patronizing p…

> Repeatedly, I pour my heart and soul into a project that I believe in, only for ownership to trash the project for superficial reasons.

You deserve better!

Don't let your passion for a project blind you to the fact that you have better options, to make better money, have better opportunity... and - by far - most importantly, to get treated the way you deserve!

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#122

Post by imtringued »

rgifford wrote: post #21
hbn wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My days at work where I'm actively engaged in a task and feel like I got something done fly by, whereas the days where I have nothing to do and I'm refreshing HN all day are not only boring but draining. Ironic that doing nothing makes you feel like you have no energy at the end of the day.

I guess it's all relative. To be honest, I would be over the moon to never "work" again. Don't wanna be needed, don't wanna have to report to anyone, don't wanna be part of a pyramid scheme earning some CEO or founder 50% of company payroll. I could very happily set and achieve little goals for the rest of my life -- in video games, education, little creative pursuits, and hobbies -- and never once look back. Really…

It's still company time. You don't get to play video games. The draining part is pretending to work. It's not like you get a private office and nobody ever sees you. You have to go the weekly meetings and tell them about how much you worked on X which you didn't.

If you could convince the company to make you a part of a mini skunkworks team with the freedom to do anything as long as it benefits the company then I don't think anyone would object to it from a mental health perspective.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#123

Post by ChuckMcM »

rgifford wrote: post #21
hbn wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My days at work where I'm actively engaged in a task and feel like I got something done fly by, whereas the days where I have nothing to do and I'm refreshing HN all day are not only boring but draining. Ironic that doing nothing makes you feel like you have no energy at the end of the day.

I guess it's all relative. To be honest, I would be over the moon to never "work" again. Don't wanna be needed, don't wanna have to report to anyone, don't wanna be part of a pyramid scheme earning some CEO or founder 50% of company payroll. I could very happily set and achieve little goals for the rest of my life -- in video games, education, little creative pursuits, and hobbies -- and never once look back. Really…

I hope that you reach this point (not having to work) sooner rather than later.

It is funny though, the number of people I know who got there and then went back to work for "the man" again. Not for the money, but for having people they could hang out with and talk about things with. They sometimes find happiness working for a company where they have the freedom to be completely honest because "losing your job" isn't a threat that bothers them.

In the US managing health care is annoying, of course if you can live without working in the US then you can likely live as an ex-pat in a country that has decent health care included. It has its own set of tradeoffs (languages, community, Etc.)

And for some the "little goals" start to feel dishonest, kind of like knowing that you could do "anything" with your remaining life and you are doing little goals you made up for "fun." I know it doesn't sit well with people who were raised to "make a difference" and "be the change."

Giving back can be rewarding, mentoring younger people, people who are coming up the ladder. Working with organizations staffed with volunteers brings its own set of quirks. Sometimes "prima donna" doesn't quite capture it :-).

At some point you really internalize "hmm, I'm going to be dead and do I care what others think of how I spent these years?" Facing mortality sometimes re-arranges what is, and what is not, important to you. Depending on how close one sees the "finish line" that can be either empowering or depressing. Often a little of both.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#124

Post by xsmasher »

29athrowaway wrote: post #11

That is textbook constructive discharge, a type of wrongful termination. It consists in creating a hostile environment so that you are forced to quit. It is illegal. You have to document everything, create a solid case, then sue the company.

> That said, in a large company you can cruise for years and that's what I did.

It sounds like the poster stayed a long time and got paid for doing nothing. The details of the actual "came to a head / moved on" are missing.

I don't think going after the company is a good idea based on the facts presented.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#125

Post by retzkek »

maCDzP wrote: post #24
bitsofawesome wrote: post #4

Glad you got out of that situation. Burnout & depression suck. They're cycles that area easy to get stuck in and hard to get out of. When it comes to avoiding such situations in the future, therapy and personal boundaries are the tools I personally reach for, but recovery is a long journey. Don't let them drain you of the energy you need to make life worth living. As a mentor told me, "Illegitimi non carborundum".

“Illegitimi non carborundum” means roughly “Don't let the bastards grind you down”.

Also "Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum" as seen in The Handmaid's Tale.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#127

Post by a2dam »

linsomniac wrote: post #30
sparrish wrote: post #12

The opposite is also sometimes true. Sometimes you don't realise how GOOD something is until you leave. Regret follows both.

"Well son, the funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you have done than to regret something that you haven't done" -- Butthole Surfers

That's Orbital (from Satan), not Butthole Surfers

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#128

Post by onlyrealcuzzo »

I'm sorry for your situation - but I also feel obliged to say that the opposite is true.

The famous song/saying - "Don't know what you got 'til it's gone."

It's important to take inventory on your life and your feelings regularly - so you don't end up in a situation you shouldn't have been in for a long time, and also so you don't leave or end something that's really good.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#130

Post by smokey_the_bear »

My son had a cartoonishly mean 4th grade teacher this year. Saccharine sweet to the parents, but berated my son daily. We pulled him out of the school over winter break, and he is so much happier already. He wakes up with a smile on his face again.
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