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How to get kids to pay attention

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Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#121

Post by ben0x539 »

s4vi0r wrote: post #114
unit91 wrote: post #109

I have 6 kids, and I've found it's pretty simple to get kids to pay attention (or anything else). Be consistent, and willing to discipline if necessary. Here's the order I follow: 1. Polite request 2. Polite command 3. Stern command 4. Warning 5. Push-ups 6. Spanking They know I love them and because of that love obedience is required. Situations rarely escalate past step 2, and step 6 is memorable. ETA: for anything…

Don't spank your kids. It has no benefit, and many negative effects.

It's incredible that we still have to discuss this in 2018.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#122

Post by noobermin »

lgregg wrote: post #61
tomohawk wrote: post #43

This is pretty much how I was raised in a small midwestern farming community. I was in charge of the laundry by the time I was 6, and the lawn when I was 8 or 9, and summers were pretty much filled with activities that my friends and I could organize. Moving to the burbs where play was organized sports and kids had everything done for them was a really big shock. It was hard to believe how inept at life most of my pe…

I can relate, I was born/grew up overseas and was raised this way before my parents moved back to the states. I moved back with them, and it was surprising how little my friends had in life skills. I had learned to cook (from watching/learning) already and would cook for myself after school for example, while most of my friends would have zero ideas on what to do. It's sad how the U.S. Government prevents native Amer…

I don't think the US Government does this more than it is the culture generally. You'll find a difference the kids of wealthy parents find in terms of control in their lives vs. kids in poorer circumstances.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#123

Post by wrycoder »

herrokan wrote: post #95
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do pilots and cleaners need different wages, Is there something a pilot needs to live comfortably that somehow a cleaner doesn't?

>Why do pilots and cleaners need different wages supply and demand

"The last few years I cleaned toilets for a living, but I decided that sucked, so this year I'm a project lead at Google."

I'll bet there are trash collectors that earn more than commercial pilots on second tier carriers.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#124

Post by fjsolwmv »

s4vi0r wrote: post #114
unit91 wrote: post #109

I have 6 kids, and I've found it's pretty simple to get kids to pay attention (or anything else). Be consistent, and willing to discipline if necessary. Here's the order I follow: 1. Polite request 2. Polite command 3. Stern command 4. Warning 5. Push-ups 6. Spanking They know I love them and because of that love obedience is required. Situations rarely escalate past step 2, and step 6 is memorable. ETA: for anything…

Don't spank your kids. It has no benefit, and many negative effects.

Not spanking also has no benefits and many negative effects.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#125

Post by scarejunba »

Izkata wrote: post #46
seibelj wrote: post #11

My father was short tempered, very loud, and an unusually large man in stature and presence. Additionally he worked nights, got a couple hours of sleep, and then woke up and took care of my brother and I for breakfast / school before sleeping more. He was not someone to mess with in general, let alone at 630am on a Tuesday. I think the threat of being screamed at and intimidated made my brother and I two of the most…

> And the view of children as mini adults who could be useful, if properly trained, has been the default parenting style for thousands of years. I remember reading a theory, long ago, that the absence of this is the entire source of teenage rebellion. Like the children from Guatemala in this article, it also said that this phenomenon pretty much only exists in "westernized" countries. Basically, the theory is that pu…

Well, my parents gave me lots of freedom but I acted out like an angsty fuck anyway. Seriously, I had what you guys are talking about here: from the age of 3, I had a large area to explore filled with cobras, scorpions, and animals. Play with my friends (who I had to find in the neighbourhood - hard enough since houses were half a km away from each other) was self-directed.

Then we moved to the city at 11, and I was still allowed autonomy, and most of my activities were self-directed so long as my scores were good in school.

Well, my life has given me evidence that you get no guarantees no matter how much autonomy or independence you get. Sometimes it's just sheer luck.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#126

Post by microcolonel »

lgregg wrote: post #85
microcolonel wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not really sure about your terms here, you seem to be glorifying individualism in practice, but blaming it in name? What could be more individualistic than doing something on your own?

I disagree, I'm glorifying autonomy in relation to self-determination theory but critiquing individualism as a cultural ideology or orientation. I used different words because I wasn't expecting a response like yours. If you want a deep dive, this is a good paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12518973

Could you explain your distinction in plain English? Virtually nobody on this planet is entitled to read your source without shelling out a nontrivial amount of money, you haven't given a "shallow dive", so I have no interest in a deep one.

I can accept that you make a distinction, but to me the beginning and end of individualism is respect for individual autonomy, and I suspect that a lot of English literates would agree.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#127

Post by fjsolwmv »

Izkata wrote: post #46
seibelj wrote: post #11

My father was short tempered, very loud, and an unusually large man in stature and presence. Additionally he worked nights, got a couple hours of sleep, and then woke up and took care of my brother and I for breakfast / school before sleeping more. He was not someone to mess with in general, let alone at 630am on a Tuesday. I think the threat of being screamed at and intimidated made my brother and I two of the most…

> And the view of children as mini adults who could be useful, if properly trained, has been the default parenting style for thousands of years. I remember reading a theory, long ago, that the absence of this is the entire source of teenage rebellion. Like the children from Guatemala in this article, it also said that this phenomenon pretty much only exists in "westernized" countries. Basically, the theory is that pu…

Teenagers rebel because they are biologically motivated to experiment, and they get more conservative as they age, no parenting required.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#128

Post by bsenftner »

NeedMoreTea wrote: post #106
mos_basik wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>There's a cultural vibe of individualism [where?] preventing overwatch of kids [whose kids?] by adults which has led, in part, to the prohibitive [prohibiting what?] autonomy that I had as a kid. I don't quite understand what you're saying here, but I'm genuinely interested. Could you clarify? Active listening: What I thought you said is that in, say, the Philippines, there is a culture of individualism that prevent…

Not OP but I read it as prohibition of the autonomy (of children by today's culture) that they used to have. I can relate, as a child I was expected to be self-sufficient in a way that would be unrecognisable to modern children. Rather than being ferried by car to the school, and taxied to a series of child appointments, I walked to school alone or with friends. That including crossing a 4 lane highway, at the lights…

I grew up with much the same freedom: in small town Iowa, the school bus was for kids 20 miles away. My street would join the larger neighborhood's kids for the 5 mile walk to and from everyday, rain, thunderstorms, winter snow storm or not. If snow was really bad, dads with snowmobiles would ferry the kids, pulling trains of sleds. Rain was okay, no matter how hard.

After school, the "bike gangs" of kids would be roaming free, stop in for dinner, and then back out till dark. Everyone had this freedom.

As the kids became teens, this being the late 70's, a tax law created incentive for publishing and insurance corporations to move to Iowa. Their families brought major city / coastal teen attitudes, including appetites for a drug culture that Iowa was not sophisticated enough to manage. That Iowa Innocence seems to have been lost. Now it is just another generica in the US corporate sameland, with the original Iowa Natives unable to understand what happened to their culture.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#129

Post by TeMPOraL »

mhb wrote: post #47
nickjj wrote: post #5

What's really interesting to me is this same thing can be applied to adults too. The article writes: > For starters, he says, ask your kid this question: 'What would you do if you didn't have to do anything else?' I often wonder what civilization would be like if adults asked the same question to themselves and then lead a life where they focused on that instead of being pressured into "making a living".

Is this really so hard to figure out? Very few people would do things which are useful to keep civilization running if they have a choice. Look at what people do with their leisure time - watch commercial TV, play video games, look at nonsense on Facebook. It wouldn't be pretty.

> watch commercial TV, play video games, look at nonsense on Facebook. It wouldn't be pretty

Because that's all most people can do after 8-10 hours (+ commute) of soul-draining work, and then some household chores. Let's not assume that this is the default of human leisure just because it's all people have energy for after hard day of work.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#130

Post by noobermin »

subjectsigma wrote: post #50
seibelj wrote: post #11

My father was short tempered, very loud, and an unusually large man in stature and presence. Additionally he worked nights, got a couple hours of sleep, and then woke up and took care of my brother and I for breakfast / school before sleeping more. He was not someone to mess with in general, let alone at 630am on a Tuesday. I think the threat of being screamed at and intimidated made my brother and I two of the most…

Another anecdote people might not like: Sunday school was an amazing form of early-childhood education for me. Some of my first experiences with music, art, and reading were in Sunday school. It taught me to love drawing and singing which I still like to this day. We were taught to obey our parents or go to Hell, to pay attention or go to Hell, to share and be kind and to empathize... or go to Hell... Which everyone…

People who take part in organized religion are probably have a more authoritarian personality.
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