Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

academic.oup.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

111–120 of 205 posts

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#111

Post by aaomidi »

Scubabear68 wrote: post #20

I think this strongly depends on the couple. My wife and I have had separate checking accounts for 20 years, and a shared savings account, and a second shared checking account we use strictly for transferring money back and forth (we can’t use savings for that due to stupid banking rules). We also have split the hills according to our relative incomes. I make a lot more so I have the mortgage and a few big ticket ite…

???

> I think this strongly depends on the couple

This is a study of macro level differences not what each individual is going through…

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#112

Post by prepend »

theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

I think it’s great to have a healthy relationship with trust.

What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit. And that having separate finances helps immensely in the situation where this risk is realized.

I have friends who were comfortable and thought all was well for years or even decades. Then it wasn’t. And having commingled finances was unpleasant in that it made divorce and the financial mistakes that much harder to reconcile through years of trial.

Tl;dr; it’s hard to take marriage advice from someone who hasn’t been married for 70 years. It’s like someone saying “this architecture is the best, it’s run for six months without any problems.”

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#113

Post by DiggyJohnson »

balderdash wrote: post #48
DiggyJohnson wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This might seem antagonist, I don’t mean it to be so, but does your proposal not assume both parties make well over 150k a year in salary to contribute such a large sum on a monthly basis with anything to spare?

Don’t you meant more like $80k a year?

$80k/yr wouldn’t now be enough for each spouse to contribute $5k a month, unless I’m misreading and GP meant a cumulative value of both partners combined.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#114

Post by DiggyJohnson »

saulpw wrote: post #37
DiggyJohnson wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This might seem antagonist, I don’t mean it to be so, but does your proposal not assume both parties make well over 150k a year in salary to contribute such a large sum on a monthly basis with anything to spare?

From each according to their ability. If you make $50k and your spouse makes $150k, and your monthly expenses are $10k, then it seems quite reasonable for you to put in $2500 and your spouse to contribute $7500. The nice thing about the joint spending account is that you can set up this arrangement and then subsequently ignore it for everything else. All communal bills just get paid, and you are free to spend your ex…

I do actually agree with the merit of this scheme, now that you’ve laid it out. I still thing the example values you use are extraordinarily high (“10k” / month) but I take your point. Cheers

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#115

Post by scubbo »

dlisboa wrote: post #46
tw04 wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because joint accounts have always seemed weird and controlling to me? I don’t want my wife to have to “check in” when she wants to buy something. She can spend her money on whatever she wants. We split the bills according to our income (more or less) and discuss saving more when we know larger expenses like a trip or home improvements are on the horizon. I don’t need access to her checking accounts or credit cards b…

You're thinking all the money of both people has to go in the same join account, but that's not the case. You can have a "for the bills" join account, and then each person has their own separate account. Every month each person transfer a certain amount to the joint account to cover the bills (50/50, 70/30, whatever split works for them). Any other money is spent in the person's own account and has nothing to do with…

> I don't understand couples that keep separate finances

> You can have a "for the bills" join account, and then each person has their own separate account.

If you keep your own separate account, in any way, shape, or form, you are keeping separate finances. Transferring money into a shared "staging" account to pay bills from is just a more convenient implementation of one person paying the bills and then requesting money from the other. Either way of doing this - shared account "pool", or transferring on a case-by-case basis - is fine. What people (including me) are reacting with suspicion to, is the structure of _fully_ joined finances, where neither party has sole control over any finances of their own whatsoever.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#116

Post by scubbo »

happytoexplain wrote: post #67
dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

Be careful not to conflate the feelings of "I don't understand people who do X" and "I prefer not doing X".

These two are _pretty_ similar (though not the same) - neither has inherent judgement in them, they're just flavours of "eh - it's not for me". Much more important to avoid conflating "I don't understand people who do X" and "People who do X are wrong".

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#117

Post by cat_plus_plus »

Doesn't show much?

- Is relationship quality THE ONLY thing that matters? Certainly it's very important, but individuals needs and wants, or desire to help other family members are not NOTHING. If drop in relationship quality was slight, but improvements to these other areas were pronounced, could be a trade off to consider?

- Couples were randomly assigned to each group and presumably ones who didn't adhere dropped out of study. Would the results be the same if decisions were made based on a heartfelt discussion, with agreement to try the other arrangement if the first one caused too much friction.

- Why is it an either/or? Is it a given that keeping a small "for personable hobbies" account while depositing most money in a family fund would hurt? Conversely, would rationally planning family needs and then keeping the rest of the money for personal enjoyment or treating each other with gifts/experiences be bad?

I am lucky enough to have inexpensive hobbies, so I can just spend of them as I wish and it's not going to move a needle on family finances. But if someone wants a family AND to climb Everest, I would not begrudge them not giving up on either dream.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#118

Post by cat_plus_plus »

dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

Well, are you posting together to Hacker News, or is it your personal hobby that you don't feel bad pursuing instead of doing another load of laundry. Shouldn't it be "I" and "We", with balancing shifting from couple to couple and over time? Personally if I like game on Steam, I just buy it rather than asking my spouse. So joint account is also kind of like my account, so long as I am reasonable. But for people with limited resources or big dreams, things may be more complicated. I would want to know if my Steam purchase still leaves money for the water bill.
Post reply on HN