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Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#111

Post by everdrive »

EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

It seems like nearly everyone has found themselves in this situation. Along, but unable to connect. I don't know what the answer is, but good luck.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#112

Post by [deleted] »

naikrovek wrote: post #76
germinalphrase wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I was walking under a cloud, it really helped year-to-year to pay someone to listen and talk through my thoughts and feelings.

I'm not under a cloud. I have paid for therapy for 20 years. the world is filled to the top with people who lie, cheat, and steal, because those things are easier than working, waiting, and being nice. the earth is a hellscape full of people waiting to feed on everything you have.

[deleted]

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#113

Post by m000 »

I would put this down to a growing part of the population feels financially insecure.

As you grow older, spending quality time with people also requires spending $. If you are barely making some savings, you probably won't feel comfortable in scaling up your social life.

It is surprising that the author recognizes the time period/age group...

> These new habits are startling — and a striking departure from the past. Just a decade ago, the average American spent roughly the same amount of time with friends as Americans in the 1960s or 1970s.

...but cannot (does not dare to?) make the correlation that financial insecurity has exploded.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#114

Post by joe_the_user »

Archipelagia wrote: post #42

I the last few years I had to move contries a few times and basically rebuild my entire social circle each time – and it made me aware how much of finding friends is just a matter of logistics. I think that much of the loneliness problem comes down to people just not having a process that helps them meet new friends. In most places, there's a surprising amount of events where you can meet new people. For me it was op…

Here in Nevada City, I ran a D&D game pre-Covid. Restarting afterwards has been frustrating despite me putting considerable effort into flyering at local cafes and advertising on Meetup and Facebook.

I was speaking to a friend runs a local yoga studio and event center, a lot of in-person is simply struggling.

Also, it doesn't that Meetup.com is now broken in many ways - for example, it won't give me messages on my phone.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#115

Post by pbronez »

EE84M3i wrote: post #110
chris_va wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I (like other commenters) can understand where you coming from. There are, of course, lots of solutions if you are willing to try them. Out of curiosity, have you tried the easy ones, like regularly inviting other folks over for a group dinner? Or joining a rec league, or a shared activity group? The latter is nice, as it's a weekly forcing function.

>have you tried the easy ones, like regularly inviting other folks over for a group dinner? Frankly, this made me laugh out loud. 1. Who am I going to invite? It's not like I have old connections to rekindle. 2. I have a tiny apartment and couldn't exactly host many guests. My table could theoretically sit four if I rearranged some things (the max it's ever had is 2) 3. Considering I'm not exactly a socialite now (It…

You live in an apartment? Who else lives on your building? In a decent sized building I bet you’re not the only lonely person. Find the other ones, and create some social thing that’s easy to say yes to.

Dinner is straightforward. Other excuses include book clubs, movie viewings, crafts, community garden, volunteering, etc.

For a dinner, if your apartment is small, use a common space. If you don’t have a common room, do it outdoors. If you don’t have picnic tables, go to a park. If you don’t cook, have a potluck. If nobody cooks, order in.

Don’t allow yourself to give up before you start. Focus on:

(1) identify a pool of people worth interacting with (Eg neighbors, hobby enthusiasts, co-religionists)

(2.a) find where those people gather and join them

(2.b) if they don’t gather yet, convene them yourself in a way that is easy for them and you.

This whole thing is absolutely work though. 2.a is way easier than 2.b.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#117

Post by akolbe »

jjoonathan wrote: post #102
EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

Yeah, I think many social groups are suffering from bootstrap problems post covid.

Covid definitely was a game changer for us (I am married). It reduced the number of in-person contacts with people outside our household by an order of magnitude, decimated the number of car miles we drove, and changed our attitude to being at home. Even as Covid is now somewhat less of an issue, some of those habits have stuck.

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#118

Post by A4ET8a8uTh0 »

naikrovek wrote: post #72
nullish_signal wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you always have problems with other people, other people aren't the problem

this is exactly the response I expected, and it has been delivered right on time. you have proven my point: humans are assholes, and see whatever they need to see to justify how they treat others. you have taken 0.5 seconds of time to believe that you have figured out my problem, in it's entirety , and then made that statement in order to feel superior to me by telling me that it's my fault. do you really, really thi…

In parent's defense, you are posting on a public forum introducing a position that is likely to create some level of pushback. Note that you use categorical language like:

which could draw an uncharitable take.

I can't say I completely disagree, but there are literally billions humans on this earth. I would like to think at least one token good human exists?

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#119

Post by seydor »

This isn't much, and i posted about it last week, but if you feel lonely working at home , join our chat to work with friends using the pomodoro technique. Can be 20 minutes or 45 minutes session and it somehow feels good to be focused with company. And it's no longer called pomochat but remoteyo: https://remoteyo.com

Re: Americans are choosing to be alone, but we should reverse that

#120

Post by crazygringo »

EE84M3i wrote: post #92

I live in a big city, but I'm terribly lonely. - I live alone. - I work hybrid, but when I go into the office, it's more or less empty and I spend all my time on zoom calls. - My family lives far away. - I'm single. Most weeks, my only social interaction is at the local bar, where I'm a regular, or various dates from apps. Excesses of both of these is unhealthy in different ways. I've been pushing myself to go to mee…

You're definitely not alone, and it sucks that getting involved in stuff isn't "automatic." But there are lots of paths.

Amateur sport leagues are one good solution, if you played something in high school or college.

Improv comedy classes are another classic great one, for total beginners.

If you're in a big city, there's a shocking number of beginner classes if you look. Acting, pottery, ballet, baksetball, stand-up comedy, acro-yoga, all sorts of stuff. Mushroom foraging in the park, depending on the season.

It definitely takes some time to figure it out. (And sadly there's less now post-COVID as some stuff closed and never re-opened -- but there's still enough!) You're right it's a lot of work to research and go to, and you won't like 80% of it. But you'll quickly find the 20% you do, and you'll have funny horrible stories to tell about the other 80%. :)

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