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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
111–120 of 522 posts
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#112The advice here seems generally pretty good, so I'll suggest a different angle. Have you considered leaning into your work? Your career as a developer is going well, why not see how far you can take it? As you point out, your peers are spending time raising families etc, that's time not spent on their careers. There's an often unstated assumption that only one's life outside of work counts when it comes to personal happiness. Does that have to be true? What if your ideal work/life balance is just work?
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#113"they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently a good source of income, I'd advise you to go remote, travel, try digital nomadism, go to meetups, meet other tr…
Even supposedly "unattractive" or "aging" women can start to look more attractive as you get to know them. It's really amazing the transformation that can happen. So much of what is attractive is subjective. It's hard to see that when younger, but it's true. Besides, the attractiveness we associate with youth inevitably fades anyway.
Those aging women, how dare they get older, inconveniencing OP with their existence in the same timeline.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#114Sounds not like thats all your problem because you have a coding-job. Sounds like you have a coding job like that other things are things that was ever there and lead to a coding job.
Now, you are in your 30s and feal that you want to be normal. fuck it, never happens, you are one of this socially awkward people, short, unattractive looking for a partner and friends, but because you don't want to be one of they, they are not good enough for you. ....oh, don't see that as a bad comment. I'm one of this people too.
The thing is, I have friends from this people, and I have 'normal' friends. But when it goes about having fun, your normal people are absolutely boring. HAve fun with the other ones. Have a lot of booze and talk crazy funny shit that normal people would never understand. Don't try to beo one of this normal people, they hate there life exactly like you hate yours. That's normal in the 30s. They have just other problems. No time because kids, work, pay their house, cant pay their heating....etc
And when all this not works, just quit your coding job and open a pub, thats my plan b.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#115This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…
you dont give a depression diagnostic based on comments on the internet. and asking oneself questions about their future is not a sign of illness, its what conscious beings usually do.
The word « apathy » is a pretty important one, and that’s what they responded to. Depression is not necessarily accompanied with suicidal thoughts and dark feelings. For many depressed people, « apathy » is a pretty accurate description. So maybe that person is not clinically depressed, but the advice of mentioning the apathy to the OP’s PCP STILL STANDS, and the possibility of OP exhibiting signs of depression does too
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#116Sounds to me like you may be depressed. If you are depressed, I recommend against traveling without getting that looked at first. When you are depressed, no matter where you go, there you are. Travel won't help. There's no shame in this, I had undiagnosed anxiety/depression for 20+ years. I had no idea what it was, or why I felt that way until it was treated and it went away completely. Seek professional help. CBT (t…
does CBT really help with anxiety? i have huge problems with anxiety. mainly when i have to get in a airplane.
Yes. CBT + Lexapro helped me.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#117You sound kinda judgy, throwing words like "normal" around and giving the shaft to nerdy types. Maybe you're having a hard time finding friends because you're so fucking anti.
People are not the labels you assign to them. You can have common interests and form friendships based on that while being from entirely different walks of life.
If you only want to be around someone else who is exactly like you, what the fuck is the point?
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#118Earlier quoted context omitted.
Work on yourself first, buddy. Learn to be happy, then people will naturally enter your life and stick around.
That's how it worked in the past! That's what I want to achieve. But there are no people who could enter, at least not in this isolated job.
My former roommate who works at LinkedIn spends a lot of time hanging out with friends from work. They do things together multiple times a week. Maybe you should try getting a FAANG job and moving to SF/LA/NYC?
Also, my impression of NYC, more so than any other place I've lived, is that there is a general rejection of the idea that your lifestyle is supposed to change when you're 30.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#119Go hang out with people younger than you, there is no shame in that, or join something where athletic/adventurous people hang out, you will meet people who don't necessarily fall into the geek group. Join some more extreme activities like camping, climbing, skiing groups where people still like to do adventurous things rather than play with the kids and play some CoD before they head off to bed to do it all again the next day.
Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
#120"they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently a good source of income, I'd advise you to go remote, travel, try digital nomadism, go to meetups, meet other tr…
Even supposedly "unattractive" or "aging" women can start to look more attractive as you get to know them. It's really amazing the transformation that can happen. So much of what is attractive is subjective. It's hard to see that when younger, but it's true. Besides, the attractiveness we associate with youth inevitably fades anyway.
i mean... it doesn't fade away right. it's cyclical. your children will be born to the same fate.