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So you've made a mistake and it's public

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Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#111

Post by throw7 »

macspoofing wrote: post #23

I'm not sure apologizing publicly has made anything better for any individual, especially in the current moral panic climate. Mobs don't accept apologies. Public apologies stamp official guilt on the individual and therefore serve as a license for the mob to further punish them because now they have admitted their fault and therefore are 'officially' guilty of the crime. Public apologies, therefore, are the metaphori…

There's only one rule for apologizing: You apologize if you actually believe that you've done wrong. NEVER apologize for something you believe was done correctly or in good faith or for "PR" or whatever else.

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#112

Post by mcguire »

screye wrote: post #94

In the age of social media I would suggest a different approach to addressing public mistakes. 1. Go silent. > Complete public blackout. No denying, no accepting. The people want retribution, not justice. The media blackout is essential. 2. Reflect on it privately and quietly. 3. If not in violation of #1, apologize to the individual people/entity affected in private. 4. Once the mob dissipates, address the issue pub…

* Step 3 is probably a bad idea, if any attention is being paid to "the individual people/entity affected".

* Step 4b is a bad idea; it has too great a possibility of re-raising the issue.

* Steps 5, 6, and 7 are completely optional and probably not recommended. If Step 4a worked, keep in mind that the strategy you have got you where you are.

* Given the above, Step 2 is a waste of time.

This message brought to you by the International Society of Misanthropes.

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#113

Post by mcguire »

samatman wrote: post #108

So this one time, our main customer database fell over. The primary key wasn't wide enough, we hit 2 billion rows, and everyone panicked. We had been working unwise hours for several days, and we got the fix together, and I made a mistake: I pushed it directly to production. Man, my boss was really mad; no one had been getting enough sleep and we were all stressed. I apologized profusely and said it would never happe…

Is there any point in addressing the "mistake" if no one has the need to take responsibility for it?

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#114

Post by DenisM »

macspoofing wrote: post #23

I'm not sure apologizing publicly has made anything better for any individual, especially in the current moral panic climate. Mobs don't accept apologies. Public apologies stamp official guilt on the individual and therefore serve as a license for the mob to further punish them because now they have admitted their fault and therefore are 'officially' guilty of the crime. Public apologies, therefore, are the metaphori…

People in strong position stand to gain by apologizing, while people in weak position stand to lose. One must consider one's standing before dabbling.

In my own company I try to apologize every time I screw something up. I know my position is unassailable, and my team members should have trust that their leadership is in touch with reality.

I am also cognizant of the fact that no hired employee has the same level of security, and it troubles me.

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#115

Post by cutemonster »

bserge wrote: post #107
macspoofing wrote: post #23

I'm not sure apologizing publicly has made anything better for any individual, especially in the current moral panic climate. Mobs don't accept apologies. Public apologies stamp official guilt on the individual and therefore serve as a license for the mob to further punish them because now they have admitted their fault and therefore are 'officially' guilty of the crime. Public apologies, therefore, are the metaphori…

You don't apologize, you just own it. "Yeah, I made a mistake, shit happens, now I know better". Though looking at current leaders of industries and countries, you could get away with just pretending you did nothing wrong.

And talking (tweeting) about other unrelated things that make people upset but aren't about your mistake. Diverting attention

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#116

Post by 0000011111 »

DenisM wrote: post #114
macspoofing wrote: post #23

I'm not sure apologizing publicly has made anything better for any individual, especially in the current moral panic climate. Mobs don't accept apologies. Public apologies stamp official guilt on the individual and therefore serve as a license for the mob to further punish them because now they have admitted their fault and therefore are 'officially' guilty of the crime. Public apologies, therefore, are the metaphori…

People in strong position stand to gain by apologizing, while people in weak position stand to lose. One must consider one's standing before dabbling. In my own company I try to apologize every time I screw something up. I know my position is unassailable, and my team members should have trust that their leadership is in touch with reality. I am also cognizant of the fact that no hired employee has the same level of…

Apologizing is a good leadership strategy regardless of standing IMO. It shows that you are human which can help one gain and maintain report with fellow workers.

Refusing to apologize has the opposite effect.

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#117

Post by iamdbtoo »

textgel wrote: post #76
iamdbtoo wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm curious, what kind of mistake are you envisioning in this scenario? While I do agree with you for some things, some mistakes may actually be severe and need correction in a public forum and it has nothing to do with harassement.

Plenty of easy and obvious ones. Dr Matt Taylor being attacked for an anime shirt is the first that comes to mind.

I see. So people should not apologize for things they definitely did wrong because of situations where you feel other people have apologized and didn’t need to?

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#118

Post by freehunter »

throw7 wrote: post #111
macspoofing wrote: post #23

I'm not sure apologizing publicly has made anything better for any individual, especially in the current moral panic climate. Mobs don't accept apologies. Public apologies stamp official guilt on the individual and therefore serve as a license for the mob to further punish them because now they have admitted their fault and therefore are 'officially' guilty of the crime. Public apologies, therefore, are the metaphori…

There's only one rule for apologizing: You apologize if you actually believe that you've done wrong. NEVER apologize for something you believe was done correctly or in good faith or for "PR" or whatever else.

Not listening to this advice is 100% the reason why people don’t trust a lot of public apologies: too many people/companies “apologizing” by saying “I’m sorry you got mad” or “I’m sorry you found out about this”. If you apologize, mean it. If you don’t mean it, don’t apologize.

Every time a person/company apologizes for getting caught, it demeans public trust in everyone’s apologies.

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#119

Post by k__ »

The problem is, you aren't absolutely wrong, so you only made a mistake for a specific group of people.

Look at JK Rowling.

Would many people say that she made many public mistakes? Sure. Does she care? Probably not. Why? Because she thinks she does the right thing and many people think the same.

Re: So you've made a mistake and it's public

#120

Post by d_tr »

justin_oaks wrote: post #71
TriNetra wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The funny thing is, if you ponder for a while, you'll realize you'd have done some similar mistakes. But such reflection requires being honest to oneself and setting aside/rising above one's ego and doing an unbias reflection for few moments. Then a spontaneous smile will light up your face and unconsciously somewhere you've broken some string of ego otherwise holding you tightly all through your life.

Indeed. Whenever I get cut off on the freeway, I try to remember the times when I accidentally cut someone off but had no way to express "Oops, sorry!" We all get it wrong sometimes.

In my country we raise our hand to say "thank you", but I also do this to say "I 'm sorry" when there is no other safe way to communicate.
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