The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping • Hacker News Board

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#101

Post by armada651 » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:20 PM UTC

mewpmewp2 wrote: post #18

d4mi3n wrote: post #9

Is this really all that surprising? We have a ton of things ongoing now that we either know or suspect are big contributors to this: - the whole male loneliness epidemic - a longstanding loss of community and social organizations around the country - a pretty terrible job market for many Americans - plenty of things to be stressed or worried about. Geopolitical instability. Erosion of individual rights. The complete…

On the other hand historically there's been circumstances far worse than we are having now in terms of war, famine, diseases, living standards and it didn't stop people from reproducing at all. I really doubt it's that. I think it's something else.

> war, famine, diseases, living standards

Just because those are the most interesting events to study doesn't mean that in the past countries were constantly experiencing war, famine and epidemics. There were plenty of calm, relatively peaceful periods in between.

As far as living standard are concerned, while being a peasant was hard work during certain periods such as harvest and sowing, outside of those periods farmers actually worked less hours than we do today. That leaves lots of time to help out with chores in your village and maintain relationships with the people around you.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#102

Post by iamacyborg » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:21 PM UTC

cush wrote: post #78

chongli wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The decline of community is a very big deal. I think a lot of it has to do with the way we build our living spaces. Modern North American cities are rife with car-centric suburbs, huge driveways, front doors set back a mile from the sidewalk, long commutes to anywhere (not just work, even to get groceries). We're living in these metal-and-glass boxes and we only see other people as obstacles in the way of what we wan…

All good points. Work from home isn’t helping us any either. People typically meet their partners at work.

> People typically meet their partners at work.

That seems unlikely. Genuinely curious if there’s something I’m missing here.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#103

Post by bgirard » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:21 PM UTC

I'm most surprised that people used to spend 12.3 hours/week with friends. With work, errands, laundry, relationships, family I find it hard to believe. Plus anyone that's a parent to a young kid in that age range. That's socialized 2-3 hours 5 nights a week, or a long hangout on the weekend. None of my friends have that kind of time.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#104

Post by swat535 » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:24 PM UTC

amelius wrote: post #13

d4mi3n wrote: post #9

Is this really all that surprising? We have a ton of things ongoing now that we either know or suspect are big contributors to this: - the whole male loneliness epidemic - a longstanding loss of community and social organizations around the country - a pretty terrible job market for many Americans - plenty of things to be stressed or worried about. Geopolitical instability. Erosion of individual rights. The complete…

Feminism maybe? (yes controversial, more science needed)

Why Feminism? Isn't Feminism encouraging women to have more sex i.e sexual liberation, nudity is no longer a taboo, women are no longer constrained to a single man, all that jazz?

My understanding is that Conservatism encourages family values but at the cost of having less sexual partners (for example no sex before marriage) whereas Liberalism encourages the opposite.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#105

Post by mathiaspoint » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:24 PM UTC

iamacyborg wrote: post #98

mathiaspoint wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Sure, some guys are tired of their bad behaviour being called out, but that’s precisely why it needs to still be called out.

It turns out egalitarianism is antinatilist. Antinatilist ideologies cannot persist long term so continuing that isn't an option. The two available options are:

a) double down, die out, and get replaced by actual misogynists (ie Muslims, cartels etc)

b) find a nice compromise that actually works and minimizes people who get abused (like US culture 100 years ago or maybe something else.)

You're welcome to participate in the discussion those of us chosing b have but if you chose a listening to you is a waste of time at best.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#106

Post by margalabargala » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:24 PM UTC

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #34

revx wrote: post #5

The article mostly blames pornography and digital addiction, but I think those are symptoms of a larger problem, which is lack of belonging and community. If life sucks, you have few friends you can afford the time or money to see, and you work to make other people rich until you are exhausted, when do you have time and energy to maintain a relationship? If you feel like the world is on fire, it's hard to get in the…

Hmm. Off topic, but I wonder if the reason for your second paragraph isn't your first paragraph. Sex and alcohol both are often escapes, and if you don't have time and energy for one, why would you have time and energy (and money) for the other? Back on topic: You mention "people who aren't putting in any emotional labor to learning and growing as a person". But, from your first paragraph, who's got time and energy f…

> Women's equality has made women who didn't need to depend on a man. As a result, they got a lot choosier about what downsides, flaws, and baggage they were willing to put up with.

This would track with how a lot of dating apps, etc are described as "the top 70% of women competing for the top 30% of men"

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#107

Post by squigz » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:24 PM UTC

mewpmewp2 wrote: post #18

d4mi3n wrote: post #9

Is this really all that surprising? We have a ton of things ongoing now that we either know or suspect are big contributors to this: - the whole male loneliness epidemic - a longstanding loss of community and social organizations around the country - a pretty terrible job market for many Americans - plenty of things to be stressed or worried about. Geopolitical instability. Erosion of individual rights. The complete…

On the other hand historically there's been circumstances far worse than we are having now in terms of war, famine, diseases, living standards and it didn't stop people from reproducing at all. I really doubt it's that. I think it's something else.

Historically there's been a whole lot of rape, coercion, and unwanted babies.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#108

Post by tayo42 » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:25 PM UTC

andrewrn wrote: post #63

This is very much upstream of sex. I just started a masters program this week, and on Friday night at 8 pm, zero out of 52 of my cohort members wanted to join me for a beer. It's anecdotal, but seemed really remarkable to me. So it's not just sex, young people don't socialize in-person nearly as much as they used to. I have no idea how this will be addressed, if it does ever get addressed.

I feel like beer and alcohol is on a decline. People don't like expensive cocktails.

Maybe ask to share a joint? Lol

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#109

Post by lazide » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:26 PM UTC

notahacker wrote: post #84

lazide wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Eh, having lived in many other countries - lack of reproductive freedom definitely doesn’t cut back on sex. Same with public shaming, or other coercive control. It’s not like there are 1.5 billion Indians because no one has sex there.

I don't think the overturning of Roe vs Wade was the key driver in trends which started long before that decision, but there's a big difference between a society where girls marry who they're expected to marry and have sex with him when he expects it and a society where girls get to choose whether to hookup or not and if and when to marry but don't get to choose how they deal with the results...

I take it you’ve never lived in India?

Both are true in large part there, at least in the cities.

Except Indian politics are at least 10x as crazy as current US politics on the ground, and probably 10x as potentially (violently) serious if someone ‘steps out of line’, so people are better at hiding what is going on.

Re: The share of Americans having regular sex keeps dropping

#110

Post by [deleted] » Sat, Aug 30, 2025, 5:27 PM UTC

jeffbee wrote: post #97

ramesh31 wrote: post #10

I do think the alcohol-fueled hookup culture that persisted in the US from the '70s to the '00s will be seen as a historical anomaly in the long run. The idea of empowerment has given way to the understanding that women have almost nothing to gain from the arrangement, and have bore the brunt of most of its' downsides.

I think you've left AIDS out of your timeline. The period after the pill and before AIDS was the true anomaly.

[deleted]