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The dating app paradox

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Re: The dating app paradox

#101

Post by whstl »

randomdata wrote: post #73
alistairSH wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And yet the government mostly does what we ask of it. USPS gets mail to the most remote locations for the price of a stamp. State and the military both protect our interests overseas (for better or worse). Healthcare.gov works pretty well (after that rocky rollout). It's far from perfect, but I don't feel like it's any more dysfunctional than any other western democracy.

> And yet the government mostly does what we ask of it. That's the problem, though. What we ask of a dating app is roughly "Give me access to partners that are 'out of my league'." It might work for some people sometimes, but it's not satisfiable in any meaningful way. It's like asking the government to "Make me rich" – something we do ask of the government! It does what it can, giving some people the opportunity to…

> What we ask of a dating app is roughly "Give me access to partners that are 'out of my league'."

I don't really believe this is what we ask of apps.

It is however what that the current apps promise us.

If I install one of those apps, I need to swipe a lot of people to see an average woman. If I were single, I would probably be ok with the first 50 that show up if they weren't bots or onlyfans bait.

Re: The dating app paradox

#102

Post by seydor »

devit wrote: post #98

Committed relationships found by judging other people's personality and looks are completely unnatural for human beings, and a result of conditioning by society. The natural state is living immersed in a place where other beings are and spontaneously interacting with them without a developed ego/personality filtering the interaction, as the closest relatives to human (chimpanzees and bonobos) do. This makes the socia…

the natural state is not the civilized one.

Re: The dating app paradox

#103

Post by not2b »

The fact that one company repeatedly bought out its competition and now owns, according the the article, 45 dating apps probably has a lot to do with why they suck. Instead of competing by trying to be better, just buy out the rivals, gut them, and make everything worse. As long as the dominant player has lots of capital to buy any upstarts and the regulatory environment lets them do it, it can be an easier way to make money than actually being good would be.

Re: The dating app paradox

#104

Post by itronitron »

Qem wrote: post #90
leach wrote: post #68

Dating apps by and far are quite useless. If you ever want to know how insidious they are, just download one, finish your profile, and swipe for 10 minutes a week. Since you are not an "active user" they will give you the most attractive people to swipe on. Every couple of days they will give you a "limited time" discount on gold or platinum or whatever. The push notifications are my favorite part, "you could be miss…

> It's much easier to naturally meet people in real life through work/school. It was. Nowadays people including the office in their dating pool face a high risk of harassment claims.

I think the mindset should be that whoever you initially meet, or hang out with, won't be a match but may potentially introduce you to a person with whom you could match. So all coworkers then are excluded from the dating pool, but are potential matchmakers.

Re: The dating app paradox

#105

Post by pcdoodle »

garciasn wrote: post #54
prepend wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Dating apps at 45 are a literal fucking cesspool. Funny I’m in almost the same situation and have found dating apps really helpful. I’ve been using them for a few months and it’s like a firehose of dates. It’s surprising because they get a bad rap, but I think I could go on a date every night if I wanted to. I haven’t found a new partner and am just a few months in but have met nice people and relationships. As an…

I think the 10M metro area helps your case, many folks don't have such a wide dating pool to pull from on the apps. Also, it depends on the culture of the area that you reside within. Here, in Minneapolis, folks are tight lipped, tight knit, and keep everything close to the chest, but they continue to hold some of those dating app nuances in high regard. I'm really happy that, for you, it works. I also had a steady s…

What up Minneapolis!

Yes, dating is hard here. Something is off about the way people are built here. But we have nice parks and food.

Re: The dating app paradox

#106

Post by krisoft »

devit wrote: post #98

Committed relationships found by judging other people's personality and looks are completely unnatural for human beings, and a result of conditioning by society. The natural state is living immersed in a place where other beings are and spontaneously interacting with them without a developed ego/personality filtering the interaction, as the closest relatives to human (chimpanzees and bonobos) do. This makes the socia…

> spontaneously interacting with them without a developed ego/personality filtering the interaction

Is a "developed ego/personality filtering the interaction" the same as having a personality? Why do you think that is not natural?

> as the closest relatives to human (chimpanzees and bonobos) do

How do you know that chimpanze and bonobo interactions are not "filtered by developed ego/personality"?

Re: The dating app paradox

#107

Post by [deleted] »

pgsandstrom wrote: post #2

I have a somewhat unrealistic dream that someday dating apps will be viewed the same way as roads: Essential infrastructure that needs to be handled by the public. A government developed dating app whose only goal is to help people find healthy relationships. All my american friends balk at this. But as a swede, I dont think it is completely impossible. The completely impossible dream would be that we as a society st…

[deleted]

Re: The dating app paradox

#108

Post by whstl »

Yizahi wrote: post #65
maxsilver wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> All my american friends balk at this. But as a swede, I dont think it is completely impossible. (as an American, balking at this): The American government is too irresponsible and corrupt to ever handle something like this -- it would get abused so quickly, and thus, no regular person would trust it. Having a single dating app/profile as a free public service is a good idea in theory , but the pre-requisite of havi…

Would a single government (for example USA) operating such service be better on average than a single megacorp (for example Match.com)? I think corporate overreach in the democracy is way bigger than government overreach. At least in such simple and inconsequential case.

The problem with Match.com seems to be the fact they do too much (algorithms).

Something non-profit would be able to be better just by having less cash...

The spam problem might be too much, sure, but that also happens in the big apps, so...

Re: The dating app paradox

#109

Post by pc86 »

lbotos wrote: post #10
lionheart997 wrote: post #4

[flagged]

I mean, you know you are gonna get downvoted here which is why you clearly chose a throwaway. Your main thrust that dating does require courage is true, but that courage could be as straight forward as asking someone you met on an online dating app: I'm scared of getting herpes, would you mind taking a test before we had sex/kissed? I've done this many times. No herpes yet. Some people have said no. Their loss . So -…

1. I love it when people reply to these types of comments earnestly, in part because I think the rest of us well-adjusted people can have good conversations here.

2. I can't imagine the mindset of being with someone who wants to have sex with you and all you have to do is take a test, but not being willing to do that.

Re: The dating app paradox

#110

Post by red-iron-pine »

Spastche wrote: post #71
prepend wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’ve found that it’s not just the photos but the writing and content on profiles. It was surprising to me how many people had really poorly written profiles or just photos. I’m guessing I’m a 4-5 but have matched with really attractive, and more importantly, very smart, successful, and interesting people. At first I was surprised but women tell me that many people on dating apps put in little effort or just can’t do…

OkCupid used to have a bunch of blog posts with numbers about how much a difference a good profile and good pictures make, but I think they took them down when Match bought them out. I haven't been on any dating sites in a few years but the amount of people with garbage profiles and bad pictures (lighting / posture being the biggest and easiest issues to fix) is crazy high.

theyre still on archive.org somewhere if you're willing to dig for them. seem em posted here a few times
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