51–60 of 570 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
You can get an STI from anyone.
My worst STI experience was with someone who was in a friend group that I became a part of. They were also quite attractive to me, so it felt like a complete homerun. That was a tough lesson to my early 20s self.
Dating apps for most people seem like a complete waste of time and actually detrimental to your life. There are exceptions, of course, like people much too busy. As a male, it seems guaranteed (probably due to supply vs demand disparity?) that you will only have matches that are significantly less attractive than you. I think most people will consider me average in looks. I don't think I've ever matched with a girl t…
You matched with and met multiple women so the apps seem to be working as designed. You seem to have an idea of your attractiveness which doesn't match the measurably evidence and yet you discard that evidence. Why? I get the impression that attractiveness is very important to you. Ironically I think that might be a very unattractive trait.
(1) Perhaps I have also dated not through online dating, where it completely aligns with what I'm saying?
(2) Caring that someone is sexually appealing to you... a red flag?
(3) Yes I would agree that shallowness is unattractive, as anyone would. However, bringing up a point specifically relevant to online dating apps and implying that it may be specifically relevant to online dating apps does not necessarily mean that is my entire mentality. If I met up with multiple women knowing I said what I said, perhaps it would not be such a logical leap to assume maybe that attractiveness does not matter to me as much as you seem to think it does?
I have a somewhat unrealistic dream that someday dating apps will be viewed the same way as roads: Essential infrastructure that needs to be handled by the public. A government developed dating app whose only goal is to help people find healthy relationships. All my american friends balk at this. But as a swede, I dont think it is completely impossible. The completely impossible dream would be that we as a society st…
> whose only goal is to help people find healthy relationships.
Especially if this is what is designed around. I expect you will find that most people using dating apps aren't looking for healthy relationships – they could have found hundreds of those just walking down the street – but are trying to find something else.
Originally responding to a flagged comment that stated you were weak for not talking to people in person: You’re not wrong, but the in-person dating pool is small and the stakes are high. I am very recently divorced, dating single for the first time in nearly 25 years after finding my wife stole $300K from the family and had been carrying on an affair for 18 months while I thought our finances and love were at an all…
> Dating apps at 45 are a literal fucking cesspool. Funny I’m in almost the same situation and have found dating apps really helpful. I’ve been using them for a few months and it’s like a firehose of dates. It’s surprising because they get a bad rap, but I think I could go on a date every night if I wanted to. I haven’t found a new partner and am just a few months in but have met nice people and relationships. As an…
I'm really happy that, for you, it works. I also had a steady stream of dates, but they were folks I was not compatible with in any stretch of the imagination and the stress and anxiety that comes with juggling many different conversations, relationships, dates, etc, just isn't something I want to deal with. I want to spend my time investing in a small group of humans, not investing 1/100th of my available emotional and mental bandwidth on a variety of them, only to find myself moving on to the next one--time and time again.
TL;DR: 100 first dates, sometimes multiple times in a week is just exhausting for me and I prefer a world where I can be me, without the stresses associated with playing some game I don't understand.
Dating apps for most people seem like a complete waste of time and actually detrimental to your life. There are exceptions, of course, like people much too busy. As a male, it seems guaranteed (probably due to supply vs demand disparity?) that you will only have matches that are significantly less attractive than you. I think most people will consider me average in looks. I don't think I've ever matched with a girl t…
It was surprising to me how many people had really poorly written profiles or just photos.
I’m guessing I’m a 4-5 but have matched with really attractive, and more importantly, very smart, successful, and interesting people. At first I was surprised but women tell me that many people on dating apps put in little effort or just can’t do basic things like carry a conversation beyond “hey” and “your [sic] beautiful.”
I find that the apps are useful for meeting lots of people in person and testing out chemistry. I’m not sure a better way to meet people IRL.
I’m in my 40s and only have my own experience so YMMV.
I’m curious how you knew half the women you met had an STI. Are you asking this?
Its perhaps controversial, but I definitely didn't "lead with my wallet" on my profile. And maybe for an average guy that is the only viable strategy, but of course that is selecting for a particular type of relationship.
Dating apps for most people seem like a complete waste of time and actually detrimental to your life. There are exceptions, of course, like people much too busy. As a male, it seems guaranteed (probably due to supply vs demand disparity?) that you will only have matches that are significantly less attractive than you. I think most people will consider me average in looks. I don't think I've ever matched with a girl t…
I’ve found that it’s not just the photos but the writing and content on profiles. It was surprising to me how many people had really poorly written profiles or just photos. I’m guessing I’m a 4-5 but have matched with really attractive, and more importantly, very smart, successful, and interesting people. At first I was surprised but women tell me that many people on dating apps put in little effort or just can’t do…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Dating apps at 45 are a literal fucking cesspool. Funny I’m in almost the same situation and have found dating apps really helpful. I’ve been using them for a few months and it’s like a firehose of dates. It’s surprising because they get a bad rap, but I think I could go on a date every night if I wanted to. I haven’t found a new partner and am just a few months in but have met nice people and relationships. As an…
I think the 10M metro area helps your case, many folks don't have such a wide dating pool to pull from on the apps. Also, it depends on the culture of the area that you reside within. Here, in Minneapolis, folks are tight lipped, tight knit, and keep everything close to the chest, but they continue to hold some of those dating app nuances in high regard. I'm really happy that, for you, it works. I also had a steady s…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> All my american friends balk at this. But as a swede, I dont think it is completely impossible. (as an American, balking at this): The American government is too irresponsible and corrupt to ever handle something like this -- it would get abused so quickly, and thus, no regular person would trust it. Having a single dating app/profile as a free public service is a good idea in theory , but the pre-requisite of havi…
That’s just marketing by politicians trying to get elected. “Our government sucks, pick me and I’ll fix it” has been every politicians message since Reagan. It isn’t real. For an organization that size, it functions incredibly well in most respects. Nobody would claim it to be perfect (and you’re probably right that nobody would trust it even if it were, because so many have accepted that marketing) but it could hand…
I'd be more concerned about aligned incentives. A (modern, democratic) government exists to help maximize the social welfare of the governed. Is there enough societal gain to be had by entrusting mate-matching to the government? And are those gains in sync with the goals of the individuals?
Fictional example: In a politically polarized society, there might be a benefit to matching extremists with either moderates or extremists from the other end of the political spectrum.
Another: In order to bring economic balance, the government might decide to match the wealthy with the working class.
Originally responding to a flagged comment that stated you were weak for not talking to people in person: You’re not wrong, but the in-person dating pool is small and the stakes are high. I am very recently divorced, dating single for the first time in nearly 25 years after finding my wife stole $300K from the family and had been carrying on an affair for 18 months while I thought our finances and love were at an all…
People use them out of desperation/necessity, not because they work at actually helping you find a partner or whatever it is you're looking. They work at keeping you hooked on the platform, hoping in vain you'll eventually find someone if you stick there long enough.
To quote someone else: There's this old man playing a crooked game every day and loosing his money so a youngster approaches him saying "don't you know this game is crooked old man, why are you still playing it?", to which the old man replies "I know it's crooked, but it's the only game in town".
The crooked game is the dating apps. For many people, it's the only option of dating and meeting new people outside their social circles, which is why they're used even if most people hate them, not because they're good.