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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#101

Post by alistairSH »

meowster wrote: post #82
alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic. I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best f…

It's all so strange to me.

My son (now 26) always had summers free at minimum. While he was younger, he did go to a YMCA outdoor "adventure" day camp at a nearby lake park. Once he was in middle school, he stayed home. Sports 2-3 seasons, but he got to pick which one he played and never the crazy travel league stuff. In high school, he was free to do what he wanted (football for 2 years, guitar all 4, and a mix of rec league basketball and volleyball when he felt like it). Always plenty of time to ride his bike, play at the park, run around with friends. Starting in middle school, he'd often disappear across town on bike of skateboard for hours at a time. School was 2.5 miles away and he often opted to ride his skateboard instead of the bus.

I see kids today where every free moment is booked with stuff. All in some sisyphean effort to get into Harvard or something. I mean, sure, I get a desire to go to a top name uni, but the changes of little Johnnie getting in, regardless of extra-curricular, is so small that all the effort seems mostly wasted to me. I "only" went to UVA and turned out fine, IMO, so maybe I'm biased. I dunno.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#103

Post by [deleted] »

itsmemattchung wrote: post #77
steve_adams_86 wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not the person you asked but I’ve co-slept three times and have some insights. My answer would be that you do it while the baby sleeps, and you do it less. Otherwise on the odd occasion you’re away from the baby. It’s a drag. Though in my experience I was always so tired, it was generally a lower priority. Others might have had a different experience though.

> Though in my experience I was always so tired, it was generally a lower priority. This. As new parents, we really have to make it a priority otherwise, in general, we're just constantly exhausted. Raising kids does really require a village.

[deleted]

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#104

Post by [deleted] »

dlisboa wrote: post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

[deleted]

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#105

Post by easymodex »

nomdep wrote: post #34
itsmemattchung wrote: post #17

Definitely something that my wife and I struggle with. She's Vietnamese British, I'm Vietnamese American ; both of us current living in the U.S. Despite what our training classes recommend, we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive.

So - if you don't mind the question, sorry for asking if you do - how/when you have sex?

On the couch usually.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#106

Post by otabdeveloper4 »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #67
otabdeveloper4 wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So what is the child betraying when he/she hits the parent?

The child hasn’t had the opportunity to develop their reasoning faculties or learn to weigh the needs or desires of others with their own and circumstance. As parents we have the choice to use reason and patience. We can understand that children are developing and need support from adults to do so effectively. To hit them would show a lack of understanding, control, reason, and temperance. These are bad things to tea…

> To hit them would show a lack of understanding, control, reason, and temperance. These are bad things to teach.

This is true, certainly.

> The child hasn’t had the opportunity to develop their reasoning faculties

You're mistaken if you think that poor self-control is predicated on a lack of logical reasoning.

But anyways, point is that no trust is lost when a parent hits a child; children don't apply that kind of transactional logic to personal relationships. We only learn that much, much later when we get to the politics that underlie school and work environments.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#108

Post by alistairSH »

threatofrain wrote: post #98
meowster wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic. I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best f…

I don’t know what it means for kids to be free nowadays. Free to visit a friend’s home seems like the only thing, because everything else is a home that’s an anonymous unit or a commercial establishment that’s gated by money. It’s not like you’re releasing your child to be raised by the experiences of the village. With that in mind, many parents are probably struggling to not have their kids consumed by the web durin…

We raised my son in the DC suburbs (Herndon, VA). There is still a "town center" of sorts, with several parks nearby. So, free for him meant a combo of going to friends (mostly in the same large subdivision), getting to school on his own (bike, board, foot, bus), and running around after school (parks, downtown, whatever - I know a few of his common haunts, but didn't track his every waking moment).

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#109

Post by Cthulhu_ »

alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

> and this isn't really a western thing

For real, I've heard some horror stories about e.g. Chinese parents pulling their kids through the grinder.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#110

Post by germinalphrase »

tw04 wrote: post #72
tibbydudeza wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Drop the kids of at school/daycare/grandparents - come back home :).

>Drop the kids of at school/daycare So, while we're both working? >grandparents One is on the other side of the country, the other is 2 hours away. So... sex three days a year?

Do you assume the child never sleeps? Even co-sleeping, our son would go to sleep before us (either staying in the bed on the floor or being transferred to a crib). There can be other places in the home to be intimate.
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