Apparently the solution example is to watch ‘inside out’ (yes I cried).
Ecclesiastical stoicism has kept me sane this year simply because my expectations are so incredibly low.
Toxic positivity does more harm than good
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Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#102This is one of those cases where I think that a subtle change to fit the headline into HN submission constraints made is a lot worse.
The original is, "Trying to Stay Optimistic Is Doing More Harm Than Good"
"Toxic positivity" makes more sense in the context of the article, which is much more about personal mental health than general workplace behavior. It is not about other peoples' positivity, it is about accepting your own negative emotions as healthy. It is not about positive feedback in meetings. Anyway, it has reasonable parting advice:
Ho, the neuropsychologist, has an unexpected suggestion to help calibrate a Pollyanna perspective: a session watching Disney-Pixar’s Inside Out, which animates and dramatizes human emotions. "One of the best antidotes to toxic positivity is reexamining your value system and understanding that some of the best moments in life, when you truly feel good, are full of mixed emotions," she says. "And that’s what we should be embracing as human beings."
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#103I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
This made me think about how different it is to motivate people to exercise. Some people seams to need a full on military boot camp to get exercise done, and some people just totally shuts down when someone tells them what to do. When it comes to management, we don't only need to understand that different people need different types of motivation, but also that something that is essential to motivate some can be dire…
Very true. Not easy to deal with humans.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#104The article is mentioning Instagram as an amplifier of this need to fake being happy. But I think Facebook is responsible for it as well. I was once talking to a colleague who was showing me some old vacation pictures. Some tropical area. I commented that they were looking amazing. He said that actually there was a pile of garbage next to them, but they only put the good looking photos on Facebook. Everybody wants to…
> He said that actually there was a pile of garbage next to them, but they only put the good looking photos on Facebook. when your friends used a slide projector to show you their vacation photos, they left the bad slides out of the projector. i'm on board with facebook being a problem, but it's in more subtle ways than folks not showing you their bad photos.
Sure, but I think film made each photograph a bit more dear, making it less likely that somebody'll take a dozen just to pick the best one.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#105I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
Same for me. I hate the celebratory management emails after crunch time. They feel insulting to me. I expect management to help during the project and not celebrating once everything is done. That while not having fixed obvious problems during the project. My partner is the other way. She loves and needs praise. The more the better.
Another interesting thing was at the end of one of the last projects. There was a survey where we could choose between a Patagonia shirt and a plaque. Guess what? The majority voted for the plaque. That was astonishing to me but a good reminder that I seem to be different.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#106Give me feedback, not encouragement. I don't care whether you tell me my work is good or bad, but I very much care than you qualify that statement with data points or a new outlook that enable me to improve that work.
I think a lot of technical guys see professional interactions that way, with pats on the back being at best an empty ritual, at worst a waste of useful time.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#107Sometimes I've wondered if this keeps down ambition -- the only workplace I've been in where this is common, people seem to have a pretty low bar for success. I wonder if part of that is that folks think that they've achieved a lot when they get so much praise, even when they are not achieving a whole lot.
It certainly keeps down quality. It takes hard and thoughtful work to actually think about and evaluate the work product of others to the point that constructive guidance can be offered. It's much easier to just say 'wow, that looks great' and smile.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#108This is the result of a culture where companies will lay you off tomorrow to bump the stock a quarter point. Every single one of us is in a gig economy. You eat what you kill, and you can never, ever project weakness, unless you already have money.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#109As a lead I find the best approach is to just figure out the person on your team and use whatever approach suits their personality well.
On that topic, remember to say thank you when someone on your team gets you out of a jam, There are parts of the systems at work that I simply don't understand yet/never will because they are far outside of my team typically so if someone saves me a bunch of time because they happen to know that system, a thank you goes a long way - it's also an admission that as a lead you don't know everything.
I find "I don't know either, lets find out" opens a more productive dialogue than pretending you know everything - on top of which seniors (and good juniors) can spot a bluff anyway and you just lose credibility.
Almost any management style works if you are genuine, open and authentic.
Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good
#110I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
A lot of insight in the parent comment here. Most importantly this: "...there seems to be two camps of people: those who want constant positive reinforcement and those who it completely has the opposite effect ..." If you are leading and or managing a team, one of the most important things you need to know are how do people want their feedback. My experience is that it varies from person to person (I suspect that the…
In the end, HOW you deliver feedback matters. Personally, I have three important characteristics for a feedback.
Point 1 : "Be Specific". I can not stress this enough. Please point out specific observable behaviour.
Point 2 : Frame feedback in terms of team/organisational goals. Every team has a purpose within the organisation. It's a team game and every team member should know the feedback in context of the team game. Individual feedback, team context.
Point 3 : Cite the past but look for future changes in behaviour. You can not change the past but you can influence the future.
For example, "Hey John! When you do X, it helps the team achieve Y. Please continue doing so!" or "Hey John! When you do Z, it lets the team down. What can you do differently?".