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Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

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Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#101

Post by gowld »

giantg2 wrote: post #90
omginternets wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your marriage sounds like it's completely dysfunctional and a living hell. Finances and work balance aside, the bit about the legal trouble is quite the red flag. I don't presume to know what the right move is for you, but it sounds like you need to do something . Your situation is not normal. Have you considered couple's therapy? Divorce might also be on the table.

The legal issue isn't a big deal, but I certainly don't need that work on top of everything else. It was for an off-leash dog. The real problem was that we had a totally incompetent trooper make numerous mistakes on the citation, including a mis-citing it as a more serious charge and lying to a judge. I'm trained and licensed by my state in a quasi law enforcement capacity and even I'm shocked at the dysfunction of t…

You might find therapy much cheaper than the cost of cleaning up the mess when this gets worse.

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#102

Post by grecy »

outworlder wrote: post #18
motohagiography wrote: post #5

Clicked for me recently that working hard is like driving in first gear. Necessary initially, but if you don't shift up into higher gears, you're probably not doing it right, and not getting as far as fast as you probably should. If I'm tired, it's necessarily because I'm mismanaging my work and time, and that's a signal it's time to step back and figure out what's wrong. Some people are really good at that initial t…

> If I'm tired, it's necessarily because I'm mismanaging my work and time Is it though? What if you are (always) on call? What if you get a message from your boss late evening asking for stuff for early morning? What if you have late night meetings or very early morning meetings (and what if both are present)? What if coworkers from other timezones are messaging you outside work hours (if you even have defined work h…

At that point it's time to fire your boss and take your life in a direction that is right for you.

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#103

Post by grecy »

echelon wrote: post #25

I just want a no-pay sabbatical. Three months, total reset of energy levels. We should all have that option. I would take a lot less money (-$50k or more) if I got to take a quarter off every year. Four day work weeks would be another compelling alternative. Two days a week are not enough time to get chores done. There's no time for relaxing. If I ever create a company, I'd love to offer these options.

I know exactly what you mean - I've taken years off work to do with my time as I please, and I find that only people who have completely broken out of the cycle for 2+ months can relate. My biggest advice to you is to start searching for a new job now, and when you get offers make it clear you're only available to work 3 days a week (or 4, or 2, whatever you want).

It will take time and hard work, and it will pay off for the rest of your life.

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#104

Post by sergiotapia »

giantg2 wrote: post #53
mancerayder wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it allowed to tell wives who push husbands like that to get jobs themselves? Is it really believed that housework is as hard and stressful as a tech job? I feel like we're not really supposed to voice that aloud, but how else is that to be challenged?

My wife works about 25-30 hours per week. However, she spends most of that on her hobby (more than I spend on the mortgage). She doesn't contribute to any bills other than her gas and tires. I pay all the bills, benefits, utilities. I do all the shopping, cooking, baking, mechanic work, handyman work, projects, legal research (a case she got us involved in because she won't listen to me), medical research (our son ha…

What exactly does she bring to the table for your relationship? Look at your life through that lens. If she left, what would you really lose?

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#105

Post by yters »

giantg2 wrote: post #83
echelon wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Divorce. You have one life. I know you have a kid, but they'll grow up to resent you if you stay the course because they don't understand the weight you carry on your shoulders and your wife will have more energy for them. Divorce will actually be better for your kid. You'll still be able to see them and shape them. Over time, they may favor spending time with you.

Nah, I'll stick it out. Family court would f me over more than this.

I would not give up on discussing the issue. Marriage and love is about giving up and sacrificing for each other. If she can see there is something good about not just being small minded and selfish it will help her in life as well.

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#106

Post by giantg2 »

gowld wrote: post #100
giantg2 wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks, I'm careful. Unfortunately, that stress reduces the fun and frequency.

Vasectomy.

I'm waiting on a larger study to confirm or dispel the results of that small study that showed significant risk of aphasia and FTD associated with vasectomy.

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#107

Post by oriel »

dirtybirdnj wrote: post #7

Its like being a cat trapped in the washing machine on spin cycle. The only hope for escape is a power failure and mercy of someone who is aware you are inside. Stuck in a job completely burned out, there is nothing worse than the realization of the futility in any struggle to either escape or improve. The knowledge that your output has dropped, the feeling that it's your fault combined with nobody interested in help…

This happened to me multiple times across multiple jobs. The first time, I was laid off with severance--a small mercy.

The second time, I was run into the ground repeatedly as I tried to manage it. That time, I was dropkicked by my manager far over the line, and exited myself.

This last job, I left the moment I felt it happening.

My struggle now is to not make it a reflex, and a huge amount of my personal and life work has gone into improving communication (aka yowling techniques), and drawing lines in work/life/etc balance to sustain myself.

Currently, I'm just avoiding the washing machine entirely.

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#108

Post by giantg2 »

UseStrict wrote: post #30
rychco wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Myself and most of my millennial peers feel this way exactly. Some are still hopeful that they'll own a home & raise a large family like their parents and grandparents did, but the rest of us aren't so sure.

Millennial peer, I feel like it's been a treadmill, forever running but no progress. Living in first in Ottawa then Toronto, I watched affordability of housing slip from attainable in 3-5 years after graduating to virtually impossible without being extremely house poor. That's excluding the crazy high cost of living in general, and the feeling like employers are working to crush an ever-increasing amount of time out…

I do wonder if it was a mistake to have a kid. They do bring some joy, and especially a lot of joy to the grandparents. But what kind of life will they have in this world?

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#109

Post by firecall »

oriel wrote: post #107
dirtybirdnj wrote: post #7

Its like being a cat trapped in the washing machine on spin cycle. The only hope for escape is a power failure and mercy of someone who is aware you are inside. Stuck in a job completely burned out, there is nothing worse than the realization of the futility in any struggle to either escape or improve. The knowledge that your output has dropped, the feeling that it's your fault combined with nobody interested in help…

This happened to me multiple times across multiple jobs. The first time, I was laid off with severance--a small mercy. The second time, I was run into the ground repeatedly as I tried to manage it. That time, I was dropkicked by my manager far over the line, and exited myself. This last job, I left the moment I felt it happening. My struggle now is to not make it a reflex, and a huge amount of my personal and life wo…

I'm with you man. It's brutal, and isolating.

What is the yowling technique?

Re: Burnout can exacerbate work stress, further promoting a vicious circle

#110

Post by giantg2 »

gowld wrote: post #101
giantg2 wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The legal issue isn't a big deal, but I certainly don't need that work on top of everything else. It was for an off-leash dog. The real problem was that we had a totally incompetent trooper make numerous mistakes on the citation, including a mis-citing it as a more serious charge and lying to a judge. I'm trained and licensed by my state in a quasi law enforcement capacity and even I'm shocked at the dysfunction of t…

You might find therapy much cheaper than the cost of cleaning up the mess when this gets worse.

That depends on it working. If I've already been open and honest, then what more can a therapist do? The only thing I can think of is the therapist using authority or shame, and that's not allowed.

To me it sounds like me paying money for someone to facilitate a conversation. We aren't hostile, so I don't think that's necessary.

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