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I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

nytimes.com

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Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#101

Post by EdwardDiego »

barry-cotter wrote: post #76
skinnymuch wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t know the complete details of Jehovah’s Witnesses. But then not celebrating birthdays along with not celebrating [almost] any other major fun holiday among things does seem to be a definite negative aspect. I’ve read if you accuse someone in the religion of abuse and the only thing you have is he said she said, then the accuser is essentially iced out and ostracized from their religious culture/society. This i…

Witnesses miss out on birthdays, non Witnesses miss out on being a part of their community with the benefits and disadvantages that come with that. I’m not familiar with them but any demanding (and hence cohesive) religious community I’m aware of is it’s own social group, support network, family substitute if someone is sick or when somebody dies or just needs to move. Mormons celebrate birthdays but the adults have…

Excommunication / shunning whatever is incredibly harmful to the teenagers it's frequently applied to. I've seen the aftermath.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#102

Post by wolco »

rayiner wrote: post #85
wishinghand wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> No wonder China is eating our lunch! Slave like conditions can do that to a more moderate work-life balance culture.

There is lot of room between “slave like conditions” and the modern American trend of decadent children and adolescents that live in a state of extended infancy well into their 20s. From 1948 to 2000, the teenage labor force participation rate was 45-55%. Since 2000 it has dropped dramatically, to just 35% last year.

10% drop in the teenage smoking.. not needing to save for buying music / movies.

Kids need less money these days and are more focused on education vs work experience.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#103

Post by [deleted] »

rayiner wrote: post #12
6cd6beb wrote: post #9

Disheartening. I grew up with absentee parents. This is an unwelcome spin on that situation. I can't even give an opinion on this that doesn't immediately fly into rage. I just hope I don't try to pair off with someone who ends up getting hoodwinked by articles like this. This is disgusting.

There is a difference between parents who are absent because they don’t care, and parents who are absent because they have a lot of work to do. My dad worked overseas and was gone for 30-40% of the year when I was a kid. Grew up to have a great relationship with him, because when he was here he was always attentive. (Not in the sense of spending a lot of time with us—he worked 60 hour weeks stateside. But in the sens…

[deleted]

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#104

Post by refurb »

rayiner wrote: post #60
yulaow wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A thing is "inflated expectations for parenting", another thing is the person who wrote the article which has three different jobs (she could easily drop two and still manage to bring home more than enough money, but she doesn't want to for selfish reasons... Which are totally ok if you are not a divorced parent of two very young kids) and, as she herself said, prioritize all of them over her children because she pre…

The “selfish” remark rings pretty hollow when you’re talking about someone that is literally spending her time freeing wrongfully convicted people. What Ms. Bazelon is doing is the opposite of selfish. She’s providing for her family, serving her profession, and serving her community. She’s teaching her kids good morals by example: hard work and service. What kind of terrible lesson would it be to her children if she…

It’s still selfish because she is sacrificing her children’s upbringing to help wrongfully convicted people.

Sacrificing some other person for a cause you believe in is certainly not a selfless act.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#105

Post by n1000 »

I am that child. My parents were very eager to make a great career. Today I suffer from the emotional neglect with some issues such as ADHD.

Being a father myself today, I do think kids can do with relatively little facetime. But the time that is devoted to them must be exclusive quality time that makes it clear you love them and that you are present. There are studies that have shown that if fathers take 30 minutes of exclusive attention for their kids every day, it has great benefits for the child‘s development.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#106

Post by refurb »

dragonwriter wrote: post #80
Dayshine wrote: post #20

If you don't want to prioritise your kids over your job... don't have kids . Contraception is pretty damn effective, and people often have children for entirely selfish reasons. A dog isn't for christmas, and your kids aren't just cute toys until you get bored of raising them. There are plenty of people who are willing, enough that we won't have population problems.

> If you don't want to prioritise your kids over your job... don't have kids. Having kids while prioritizing job over direct care and attention to them has been an accepted (and often expected) pattern for men for centuries. (And for much of that time for upper and often middle class [0] women, too, though their primary vocations weren't “jobs” in the usual sense.) Should it be surprising or any worse that when women…

Sorry, but men prioritizing their jobs over their kids has never been historically accepted.

Sole breadwinner is not by definition prioritizing job over kids. Working 80 hours per week when 40 hours could provide your family with enough, is.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#107

Post by pferde »

wisty wrote: post #94
aidenn0 wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From TFA: > They were lovingly cared for by their father, their grandmother, my son’s preschool teacher and my daughter’s babysitter. Sounds like there were at least two family members watching the kids on a regular basis.

IIRC too many caregivers can result in them having issues. If you sleep in 4 different beds you'll never feel at home.

Or perhaps you'll feel comfortable and "at home" anywhere you happen to be. It's very individual.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#108

Post by zamfi »

barry-cotter wrote: post #84
macspoofing wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Parents today spend more than twice as much time today with their kids today than fifty years ago That's a good point but there's some detail missing here: how are the kids being raised. Historically, kids were raised within a tribal or quasi-tribal structure. When you have grandparents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts always around, room to play and explore, you don't need parents to be there 24/7 hovering over…

> Historically, kids were raised within a tribal or quasi-tribal structure. When you have grandparents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts always around, room to play and explore, you don't need parents to be there 24/7 hovering over you. You learn independence as well as a way to interact and negotiate with others. Mostly untrue in Western Europe for more than 500 years[1] and very much untrue in North America, to…

The quasi-tribal group doesn’t have to be actual relatives. Stay-at-home parents (mothers, really) in the neighborhood often played this role, even after WW2.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#109

Post by icu »

"Pick your sacrifice" applies here. I think you need to know where your red lines are in your career and family life. Having a schedule helps you keep on track.

Other than that, my Dad once said something along the lines of, "Life is a constant juggling act; you have your work ball, your family ball etc. However, your family ball is made of glass, so if you drop it, it will shatter and you may not be able to put it together again."

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#110

Post by wolco »

seanmcdirmid wrote: post #81
benatkin wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Had to know what happened to the other kid(s) and whether it was just one: "Their first son, Nevada Alexander Musk, died of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) at the age of 10 weeks." More interestingly, the five are two twins and three triplets. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elon_Musk

Wouldn’t that mean fertility drugs were probably involved? Anyways, I guess he really likes kids, which is a bit surprising.

He loves to experiment.
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