Earlier quoted context omitted.
Idk, although I kind of get the gist of what you are saying, I've met plenty of unattractive people who are pleasant to be with. And for whatever reasons, I'm more attracted to talking to these (unattractive) people than some Brad Pitt look-a-likes. They tend to make me feel more at ease. Different strokes for different people I guess.
>And for whatever reasons, I'm more attracted to talking to these (unattractive) people than some Brad Pitt look-a-likes. They tend to make me feel more at ease. I'm actually really interested in why you feel this way, if you could go into more detail.
I worked in hospitality (bars/restaurants) for a decade before moving into tech. Working behind "the stick" you get to witness a lot of human interaction. @jaequery may feel more comfortable around people who are not Brad Pitt look-a-like because he/she doesn't have judge them (that much) and, hence, does not have to worry about their conversant judging them back.
Attractiveness, in general, is really useful in the beginning of meeting a stranger. Most folks will judge another within 3-5 second and create a mental model of that person. As the model forms, there are basic assumptions that take place, such as: "they are a threat", "wow, she is attractive", "he seems cool", etc. Most will use simple adjectives as concreteness to anchor the stranger to something familiar.
Usually, after the initial assumptions are made, you move on. However, if you decide to talk to the other person, then, other mental models start popping up.
During the initial introduction, both parties are constantly judging each other, starting with the most basic (are their eyes clear, is their hair cut, are their shoes polished or clean, watch, jewelry, etc.). Once both parties are comfortable, the model changes. Most people will start using adverbs to describe the person (he has an exciting life, she's traveled everywhere, the couple is very friendly).
As all of this occurs, we are also judging ourselves; this is what sets folks apart from being comfortable with speaking to others (or in public) while others loose their shit.
It seems, from my experience, that while this whole social game is playing out, some folks just don't give a crap about the other person's "top-level" traits and attempt to engage the other person's actual personality. This particular quality is found in people who are "cool" or friendly with everyone. The engagement becomes very personal and disarming. I believe this is why @jaequery feels comfortable around certain people: he/she is trying to get to this point and engage the "inner-onion" of the person, instead of the top skin level stuff.
What's even more interesting is that the single separation of why women are way more comfortable meeting people then men is because of their mental model of people. Women are socially approached from a young age: being asked to the school dance, movies, then dates...while still in JHS or HS. By the time they graduate college, they've seen hundreds or thousands of guys and have built strong mental models of people. On the other hand, most guys are terrified of approaching another person because of rejection and hence do not have enough "hours" in developing mental models.
I believe this is also a major part of "Mother's Intuition". That intuition is built upon a large cache of real world models that they apply and can see through the BS.
Anyway, sorry for the long post.