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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#11

Post by parpfish »

allears wrote: post #3

As Groucho said, I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Here's the thing -- by making it a 'club', and making prospective 'members' pass muster, you're just replicating HR at a big corporation. Friendship isn't so much about matching activities and interests as it is about finding someone whose sense of humor matches yours, or going through the same experience together. No matter how lonel…

counterpoint:

back in the long-long ago when i was online dating, the biggest boon it provided was that it gave you a space where you knew that it was okay flirt and that your intentions would not be misunderstood. you never had to guess if it would be a creepy time/place to flirt. you never had to worry about your intentions being misunderstood as "just being friendly". if somebody was on this app/website, they were looking to flirt and if you approached them everybody was clear that you were flirting.

doing something similar with friendship could be great.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#12

Post by ALittleLight »

One big challenge I see with this is that it will attract people who struggle to make friends. A club of lonely men seems like a place I would be embarrassed to go to and hesitant to make friends at. Usually friends have more to recommend them than loneliness.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#13

Post by ecshafer »

I think this is a good idea but I think to get it really going good you need to have a social club. The old ethnic, religious an society social clubs all had a common factor of a club house. You could go to the American Legion, or Elks, or Masons, or Knights of columbus or Polish club or whatever at any time when you were a member you had old timers hanging out and doing things regularly. Youe event schedule will also need to be at least weekly to keep up close contact to build up connections.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#14

Post by noddingham »

Honestly I think you might be grappling with getting older and the change that naturally comes with it.

>I've let many of my most meaningful friendships fade.

At least you acknowledge that part and aren't bitter at your friends that it is somehow their fault.

>but it doesn't feel like when I was in college and hung out with a crew of 10+ people on a weekly basis

And it won't, ever again. They'll get married, move away, have kids, whatever. Just like if you played a sport in high school, or were in the band, that same group of people will never be together doing that same activity again after the last time.

>curated events and meaningful connections for men who don’t want their friendships to atrophy post-college

Except you acknowledge above your role in the "atrophying" and while you can say you didn't/don't want that to happen, you still allowed it to didn't you?

>The goal is to get people in the same place on a consistent basis.

Isn't that called the gym, the range, the golf course, softball/kickball/pickle ball team, bar, etc? I've struggled (still?) with exactly this thing as well and don't have any good advice. I will say it feels related to the notion of wanting to have a significant other but never leaving the house, you gotta put the effort in. On the bright side I read an article about a couple that missed neighborhood connections so started having coffee on their porch on Saturday mornings (or some consistent day of the week) and eventually neighbors walking by started saying hello, then stopping to chat, then bringing their own coffee, and then it became this whole neighborhood thing. So I guess I'm saying don't lose hope that you can't change things in your situation.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#15

Post by mynameisash »

parpfish wrote: post #9
Multicomp wrote: post #2

The lack of deep friendships feel like a 3-fold problem. 1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority. 2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they…

> Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they never have to break the ice and talk to those around them one of the unexpected consequences of social media is that people have been conflating being informed with being connected . asking "what have you been up to?" was to be a nice easy opening into a conversation that lead to connection. but thanks to broadcast updates on social media, your friends already know w…

> thanks to broadcast updates on social media, your friends already know what have you've been up to, so they can delude themselves into thinking that they've maintained a relationship because they know superficial details.

This is a huge reason (possibly the top reason) why I quit Facebook. I wasn't getting value from my "connections", and I figured everyone knew, more or less, what I was doing (& I knew what they were doing), so we didn't actually interact. I figured if I was no longer going to be friends with these people, I didn't want a facade. So I quit it, and I don't use the other usual suspects (Instagram, Snapchat, tiktok, etc.)

It's great. I actually have some honest to goodness friends IRL that I hug, with whom I talk about real things, etc.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#16

Post by Telemakhos »

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#18

Post by XenophileJKO »

nswizzle31 wrote: post #5
allears wrote: post #3

As Groucho said, I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Here's the thing -- by making it a 'club', and making prospective 'members' pass muster, you're just replicating HR at a big corporation. Friendship isn't so much about matching activities and interests as it is about finding someone whose sense of humor matches yours, or going through the same experience together. No matter how lonel…

Interesting! All of my best friends came from going through the same experience together. Totally agree on that. But that experience was high school or college. What experience can adult men (25+) go through that is enough to build a lasting friendship? That consistent, shared experience what I'm trying to build. But I can appreciate the feedback that it comes across as "auditioning" as that's not the point. The goal…

I would second the "filtering" really rubs me the wrong way. You just need to setup the events and friendships will continue outside of them, that's how if works. You can't know who will hit it off. The key is just creating opportunities. Half the people don't really know if they will be into something or not anyway.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#20

Post by entropie »

Multicomp wrote: post #2

The lack of deep friendships feel like a 3-fold problem. 1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority. 2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they…

Your points are valid, but this I do not understand:

> Not to mention testosterone levels dropping

Why should declining testosterone levels prevent men from socializing and making friends? Logically, it should be the other way around, right?

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