Ask HN: Alcoholism and Career in Software

Good job, OP!

I have slowed down over time. I think some of that is not so much age but the complex stacks we need to operate with these days.

Also I have fatigue. That reduces the period of continuous concentration.

I do not have alcoholism. I have stopped alcohol though I don’t miss it (don’t need to be in a stuper on top of fatigue).

My father did the same thing as you are doing. He's recently stopped. He's sharp as a knife again after a very short amount of time after years of being, which I can best describe as, out-of-sync with everything.

I feel the pandemic revealed something in me, which was basically an underlying stressor of living in a foreign country and working from home. Previously, I was able to distract myself from the stressor with a lot of activity. I filled my days with work, being among friends, and other activities. These things were a distraction which sort of enabled me to outrun having to face this underlying issue. The pandemic slowed time down to the extent that I had to face these things head-on. Instead of dealing with them properly, I numbed myself with alcohol and a relationship which didn't have lasting fundamentals.

Towards the end of the pandemic restrictions, I had a difficult time with focus because of issues in the relationship and being hung over every morning. The switch back to "normal" was leaving me behind, because I wasn't adapting. I had built a lifestyle in which both the alcohol and the relationship were the escape, and then the relationship ended and I knew I needed to stop the alcohol.

I don't think I have gone backwards, or that alcohol has negatively affected my skills. In some ways, I feel that age helps. But I'm far behind where I would be if I didn't drink. I didn't do nearly as much work as I would have, and the work I did wasn't as high quality. Otherwise, it's hard to measure.

You may need more time to recover. To fully recover, you may need to stop completely. Though my tolerance went way up, I'll still feel horrible the next morning even with the equivalent of two beers. My greater concern right now isn't even so much the alcohol, as it's the underlying issues which sent me into the spiral in the first place. I feel that I'm working through it emotionally, so it's hard to put it into words. Maybe feeling my way out of it is the key, rather than rationalizing it. I feel I'm making progress though.

Good luck!