Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

11–20 of 310 posts

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#11

Post by xaranke »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

Does it have to be an either/or situation?

2 months of spare time is probably the upper end of how much you should spend preparing for coding interviews, once that is done you could start working on your side project?

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#12

Post by onion2k »

RikNieu wrote: post #5

A common trend I've noticed with successful founders in my small circle - little responsibilities to dependents and a ridiculous abundance of just-in-case-it-fails funds.

Anecdotally, that's the opposite of my experience in startups.

The founders who had funds to fall back on (or a job they could easily return to, or parents who could help them through tough times, etc) mostly either failed outright or ran their startup for years without really getting anywhere. I think the reason is that they didn't need to succeed. They were 'playing' at startups. It didn't matter if they failed.

The fear of actual, real failure is a fantastic motivator. Failing should have consequences for it to matter and for it to drive you to succeed. That doesn't need to be financial ruin of course; it could be that you truly believe your startup is important and necessary, and that you're solving an actual pain. I believe that startups with that are more likely to succeed. It'd be interesting to study it.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#13

Post by dleslie »

40acres wrote: post #2

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. m…

I've made a career of chasing other people's dreams: I look for opportunities at well-funded or well-positioned small companies and insert myself into the opportunity to help others achieve their dreams. It's fun, and sometimes it's fortuitous, but most of the time it just pays the bills and keeps my life interesting.

The key is that it pays the bills and remains interesting. If I were to chase my own entrepreneurial ambitions I suspect that the latter _and_ the former would give way to stress and poverty. With kids, that's not particularly desirable.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#14

Post by appleiigs »

bxtt wrote: post #4

As an Asian-American, I'm struggling through the same dilemma as well. I've been given a huge opportunity to move to Asia and to initiate a program at a Fortune 100 company, but recently my parents have gotten very ill. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and has had multiple surgeries. My mom has a myriad of health issues, and I feel painfully selfish by not helping them. They would never burden me, and pushi…

I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office.

I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the original article from my point of view.

In fact, my wife and I are a 1000 km apart because she has to take care of her parents and my parents and job are here. we've lived like this for 6 years.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#15

Post by User23 »

obulpathi wrote: post #9

I came to US about 10 years ago. Finished my PhD and spent about 4 years in Software Industry. Saved some money. US has taught me a lot about entrepreneurship and software. Now moving to India for good to work on my own startup, spend more time with my hobbies and to stay close with my parents who are in their 60's. It took me more than an year to convince my parents (hardest to convince was my Mom) and my Wife. Look…

It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#16

Post by whooshee »

willvarfar wrote: post #6

So healthcare in China is two-tier? Excellent care for those with money or connections, and bad care for everyone else? The author works in America as a writer (and the prose is excellent! Hard to believe English is a second language!). Would things be any different if the mother lived in the states with her daughter? Would healthcare be better for her, or would it only be better if they were richer than they are? As…

Unlike U.S., Most good hospitals in China are public, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still expensive with the basic care if someone is in serious situation. More and more people are going towards buying some insurance nowadays.

Sometimes I wonder if universal healthcare works in big countries like U.S., China, India etc,.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#17

Post by obulpathi »

User23 wrote: post #15
obulpathi wrote: post #9

I came to US about 10 years ago. Finished my PhD and spent about 4 years in Software Industry. Saved some money. US has taught me a lot about entrepreneurship and software. Now moving to India for good to work on my own startup, spend more time with my hobbies and to stay close with my parents who are in their 60's. It took me more than an year to convince my parents (hardest to convince was my Mom) and my Wife. Look…

It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.

Thank you and I too hope so!

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#18

Post by cowmoo728 »

willvarfar wrote: post #6

So healthcare in China is two-tier? Excellent care for those with money or connections, and bad care for everyone else? The author works in America as a writer (and the prose is excellent! Hard to believe English is a second language!). Would things be any different if the mother lived in the states with her daughter? Would healthcare be better for her, or would it only be better if they were richer than they are? As…

Two tier healthcare in China is more like the doctors refuse to do anything for you, or the hospital refuses to admit you.

https://qz.com/1206738/the-death-of-a-chinese-flu-patient-re...

The new yorker has a much more in depth diagnosis of health care in China.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/08/25/under-the-knif...

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#19

Post by nambit »

appleiigs wrote: post #14
bxtt wrote: post #4

As an Asian-American, I'm struggling through the same dilemma as well. I've been given a huge opportunity to move to Asia and to initiate a program at a Fortune 100 company, but recently my parents have gotten very ill. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and has had multiple surgeries. My mom has a myriad of health issues, and I feel painfully selfish by not helping them. They would never burden me, and pushi…

I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office. I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the o…

To what end?
Post reply on HN