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Why Friends Matter at Work and in Life

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Re: Why Friends Matter at Work and in Life

#11

Post by wallflower »

mcantor wrote: post #7

I strive to be a good friend, though of course time management means that I can't devote the same amount of energy to every acquaintance. A lot of programmer-types aren't very sociable (as the stereotype goes), and I often hear a lot of us lament, "I never know what to say!" It's funny that people with social awkwardness say that, because "knowing what to say" is actually only a secondary tool for me. People generall…

> In these situations, I have had the best results by staying vigilant, and forcing myself to engage other people in small ways until I feel more comfortable

Assuming the neighborhood is safe, if you want a kick-ass warmup say hi with a smile to 50 people. The first thirty or forty or so (e.g. why am I trying) will suck but once you hit the social warmup zone people will start smiling back and responding and you will be ready to mingle.

> As for social fearfulness, it should be eked away at whenever possible.

I have friends who are natural at meeting anyone, anywhere. Unfortunately it all comes down to how committed you are to meeting someone. The difference between hovering vs. a weakish handshake vs dragging a chair across half the floor rather loudly to sit with a bunch of people who you'd like to meet.

Re: Why Friends Matter at Work and in Life

#12

Post by mcantor »

wallflower wrote: post #11
mcantor wrote: post #7

I strive to be a good friend, though of course time management means that I can't devote the same amount of energy to every acquaintance. A lot of programmer-types aren't very sociable (as the stereotype goes), and I often hear a lot of us lament, "I never know what to say!" It's funny that people with social awkwardness say that, because "knowing what to say" is actually only a secondary tool for me. People generall…

> In these situations, I have had the best results by staying vigilant, and forcing myself to engage other people in small ways until I feel more comfortable Assuming the neighborhood is safe, if you want a kick-ass warmup say hi with a smile to 50 people. The first thirty or forty or so (e.g. why am I trying) will suck but once you hit the social warmup zone people will start smiling back and responding and you will…

It's amazing how much your demeanor matters. You can't just go through the motions when it comes to socializing--if your heart isn't in it, it comes through in every single microgesture, and people see through your perfunctory patterns instantly. They won't even know they're doing it; they just won't respond positively to you, and it'll be a lost cause.

Re: Why Friends Matter at Work and in Life

#14

Post by scapula »

Maven911 wrote: post #8

Ok so I take issue with the examples given in this article, I find that they are pretty weak such as those with more friends in high school will make more money, my own experiences have shown me different, Of course this is as long as you are not a complete misanthrope, in which case it would be hard to get pased the interview stage

Obviously there is a limit. Someone with 50 closest friends at high school probably won't get much work done and is unlikely to earn twice that of normal. Also someone with great grades and few friends cannot be compared with someone with many friends and bad grades.

But the doctor who had one friend at high school is probably going to be earning less than the doctor who had 5 friends. The larger number of friends demonstrates a greater comfort functioning in a group, as well as the ability to maintain several relationships at once.

Re: Why Friends Matter at Work and in Life

#18

Post by kevinelliott »

I find that a lot of people these days are super judgmental about others... How much influence does he have? Who are his friends? Is he a slob or is he financially valuable? For some I'm sure this is an intimidating factor in why they shy away from meeting new people and growing their social network.

Personally, I try to avoid judgement as much as I possibly can (it's harder to do than you think, we all do it to some degree) and see the person and their potential for what can be, and not necessarily for what they are currently branding themselves. I help whenever I can, but more often than not they don't need the help (or really probably just don't want it) ... Ultimately, relationships are valuable to me, not just to have someone to drink a beer with, or to make a deal with, but to relate to and share in the experiences of the human condition. And there are a lot of people out there who want to do the same!

But people who are genuine, sincere, and have a lust for life and other people, are a real rare breed these days. When you meet them, hang on to them with force, because they're the ones who make life really worth living for!

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