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Step one is admitting you have a problem

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Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#51

Post by sunir »

stingraycharles wrote: post #9

This couldn't come at a better / worse time for me. I finished college 3 years ago, and spent the last 3 years building a startup. It's an extremely stressful time at the moment, and we're in talks with our first "big fish" (> 1 million / year) clients. Basically, it either needs to work out in the next 6 months or the plug will be pulled. Lately, I've been feeling socially isolated big time. I've been neglecting a l…

I don't want to presume I know what's going on in your life based on one comment, so I apologize if I'm wrong.

It reads to me that you've overloaded 'success' at business with the concept of 'escape' from your life. You're in for a breakdown unless you can undo this thinking.

Success at your startup won't give you friends or a social life. It won't help you escape from the stress. It'll do the opposite, unfortunately. Success puts even more pressure on you. If you land that $1M customer, you'll have to deliver $2M of value back to them.

What you get out of success is more opportunity, more resources, more freedom. All of these you can use to enrich and expand your own life. If you don't have your own life going though, you'll have no outlet to enjoy your success. Then the stress will turn into a death spiral.

Add yourself to your plans. Make a plan to enjoy your success. Do something to enrich your life like joining a club or taking lessons. If you land the big customer, reward yourself (not with things, with an improvement in your life).

Advanced tip: If you don't land the customer, do something for yourself anyway. The company may fold, but you're still stuck with you for a while yet, so you might as well get along with yourself. :)

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#52

Post by _pius »

pyre wrote: post #46
stingraycharles wrote: post #9

This couldn't come at a better / worse time for me. I finished college 3 years ago, and spent the last 3 years building a startup. It's an extremely stressful time at the moment, and we're in talks with our first "big fish" (> 1 million / year) clients. Basically, it either needs to work out in the next 6 months or the plug will be pulled. Lately, I've been feeling socially isolated big time. I've been neglecting a l…

> Failure is not an option, because otherwise I completely blew it with a huge part of my social life, and will have nothing left. That's the same logic that compulsive gamblers use. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost#Loss_aversion_and_the... No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world. And the internet makes it easier than ever to find people to 'socialize' with (though not…

No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world.

Yes, but friends and family are not fungible. You can't just replace them with new friends and family without consequence.

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#53

Post by GHFigs »

swombat wrote: post #16
rudd wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Enjoying yourself such that you lose track of time -- when it happens all the time -- is a bad thing. Imagine yourself saying the same thing about anything else you can get addicted to. "I watch 14 hours of television a day because I genuinely just enjoy it." "I drink 14 bottles of beer a day because I genuinely just enjoy it."

Yes and no. What if you were so excited about painting that you spent 16 hours a day painting. You produce the greatest masterpieces man has ever seen, you change the world of art forever... but yeah, you're an addict. So what? What's so bad about being addicted to something worthwhile? It's pretty usual to hear about musicians who will spend 20 hours a day in the studio getting their songs just right. Artists of all…

It's muddier than that. We're talking about the specific behaviors and sacrificies made, not the activities you're doing them in the name of.

Nobody will argue with being "addicted to art" because that sounds like fun compared to "living in poverty, becoming an alcoholic, dying in obscurity at your own hand", which is one way which being an art addict plays out with tragic frequency.

Consider for example that a substantial portion of those musicians spending 20 hours a day in the studio are high on cocaine. Does it make a difference whether it is the how or the why they do it? Does the quality of the end product make a difference?

Likewise, a "business addict" sounds like a swell guy, but if it means he has alienated his family, does that change whether it is worthwhile or not? What if he fails? Was it still worth it?

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#54

Post by pyre »

_pius wrote: post #52
pyre wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Failure is not an option, because otherwise I completely blew it with a huge part of my social life, and will have nothing left. That's the same logic that compulsive gamblers use. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost#Loss_aversion_and_the... No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world. And the internet makes it easier than ever to find people to 'socialize' with (though not…

No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world. Yes, but friends and family are not fungible. You can't just replace them with new friends and family without consequence.

The point being that you shouldn't cut yourself off from the world and feel like your are alone just because you've screwed up some relationships. If you've screwed up some relationships beyond repair, then seek out new ones rather than isolating yourself and lamenting over what you've lost. That path only ends in depression or madness.

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#55

Post by billswift »

_pius wrote: post #52
pyre wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Failure is not an option, because otherwise I completely blew it with a huge part of my social life, and will have nothing left. That's the same logic that compulsive gamblers use. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost#Loss_aversion_and_the... No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world. And the internet makes it easier than ever to find people to 'socialize' with (though not…

No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world. Yes, but friends and family are not fungible. You can't just replace them with new friends and family without consequence.

If you can't make new friends, then you've got bigger problems than overwork.

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#56

Post by pyre »

joshu wrote: post #31

I kinda like the feeling of being sleep-deprived.

I feel more motivated if I'm slightly sleep-deprived for like a day because I'm in a frame of mind where I have to force myself to do anything so it makes it easier to motivate myself to do things that I would normally procrastinate (so it might just be the power of forward momentum). But that only lasts for a day. If I don't catch up with sleep after that day, I just deteriorate.

That said, it's kind of weird to look back at code I've written in such a state. I usually don't recognize it. Sometimes it a good way, sometimes bad (i.e. sometimes I'm amazed that I wrote something that good, and sometimes I'm amazed that it works at all).

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#57

Post by abstractbill »

billswift wrote: post #55
_pius wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world. Yes, but friends and family are not fungible. You can't just replace them with new friends and family without consequence.

If you can't make new friends, then you've got bigger problems than overwork.

You can never make new friends who have known you since . Sometimes having old friends around can be quite important.

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#59

Post by pyre »

swombat wrote: post #39
rudd wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure. You're right. Unless you also want to have a social life, or fulfilling relationships with people. I won't say that it can't be done, or that it can't be done to some degree, but it's much harder to sustain other parts of your life if you're spending so much time on one thing. If you're spending 16 hours a day painting, then you might change the world of art. If you're spending 16 hours a day working on your bu…

As any Christmas movie will tell you, thinking only of yourself and your work is not going to make you fulfilled. Oh well, if the Xmas movies, those eternal repositories of human wisdom, say it is so, the it must be! It couldn't possibly be that life is more complicated than Xmas movies would have you believe, and that some people are perfectly fulfilled without the relationships that you and I feel are important.

> some people are perfectly fulfilled without the relationships that you and I feel are important.

Some people value their relationship with their 'dealer' above all else, that doesn't mean it's healthy.

Re: Step one is admitting you have a problem

#60

Post by _pius »

billswift wrote: post #55
_pius wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No matter how many friends you may have lost, there's lots of people in this world. Yes, but friends and family are not fungible. You can't just replace them with new friends and family without consequence.

If you can't make new friends, then you've got bigger problems than overwork.

If you can't make new friends, then you've got bigger problems than overwork.

You're missing the point. New friends don't "replace" old friends the way a new dollar bill can replace one you lost gambling. As I said, friends and family are not fungible.

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