Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to Make Online Dating Work

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–49 of 49 posts

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#41

Post by sigmar »

nadams wrote: post #34

I have experiences and opinions on this but to keep it short: It should really be split into several phases: 1) Take away profiles, pictures, zodiac signs, advanced algorithms and just put some basic constraints and have a blind chatroulette type system. Algorithms could be used for matching people like determining if they both like the same movies or something. It might be good to give them a mutual topic to talk ab…

I heavily agree with this post. People believe that pictures and zodiac matter more than they actually do. Not sure if I agree with your #3 though, seems like it is automating too much

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#42

Post by beachstartup »

laurieg wrote: post #37
reinhardt wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Any evidence that the "men looking for sex / women for LTR" hypothesis, to the extent it is true, is more prevalent in online dating, as opposed to dating in general? I think it mostly comes down to anonymity and low cost of rejection. Men online are just less embarrassed to express thoughts and desires that they wouldn't to a dating prospect that is, say, friend of a friend due to the increased social cost of coming…

I have to say that, as a man, 0 investment in the interaction from the start is the only real way to play the game. The chances of any given person getting back to me on tinder is so low that I actively try to avoid reading profiles and getting interested before swiping right. Even after a 'successful' match the chances of meeting up in real life are so slim that it just feels like a game. "I don't know this person,…

> 0 investment in the interaction from the start is the only real way to play the game.

even after you start dating, if you emotionally invest yourself in any one person too fast, it's extremely unattractive.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#43

Post by yummyfajitas »

FLUX-YOU wrote: post #40
yummyfajitas wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

...until the cyberpunk vision of affordable beauty is a reality. That vision is here - it's called eat right, exercise and act like a man/woman. The outcomes will be asymmetric but the inequality will be lower. The current situation is tall hairy muscular guy dating pretty skinny blonde, while short fat bald guy is lucky to get fat brunette ugly girl. The delta in utility between the latter couple and the former coul…

>act like a man/woman Meaningless bullshit, the definition of which is often shaped by advertising for the purposes of getting you to buy their stuff to temporarily assuage your insecurities. Just find some genuine interests and a passion or two, even if that means you're a bodybuilder doing crochet. Everyone physically capable should eat right and exercise though.

If you want a more precise statement, a man should act independent, dominant and strong. A woman should act happy, somewhat submissive, and caring.

Just find some genuine interests and a passion or two...

Ok, Magic the Gathering and Star Trek are my genuine interests and passions. Think that'll work for me?

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#44

Post by FLUX-YOU »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #43
FLUX-YOU wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>act like a man/woman Meaningless bullshit, the definition of which is often shaped by advertising for the purposes of getting you to buy their stuff to temporarily assuage your insecurities. Just find some genuine interests and a passion or two, even if that means you're a bodybuilder doing crochet. Everyone physically capable should eat right and exercise though.

If you want a more precise statement, a man should act independent, dominant and strong. A woman should act happy, somewhat submissive, and caring. Just find some genuine interests and a passion or two... Ok, Magic the Gathering and Star Trek are my genuine interests and passions. Think that'll work for me?

>Ok, Magic the Gathering and Star Trek are my genuine interests and passions. Think that'll work for me?

Ain't gonna slow you down as long as you follow your first two bits of advice.

Definitely helps to know how to talk about them in a casual conversation without being off-putting.

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#45

Post by nadams »

lnanek2 wrote: post #36
nadams wrote: post #34

I have experiences and opinions on this but to keep it short: It should really be split into several phases: 1) Take away profiles, pictures, zodiac signs, advanced algorithms and just put some basic constraints and have a blind chatroulette type system. Algorithms could be used for matching people like determining if they both like the same movies or something. It might be good to give them a mutual topic to talk ab…

That would be fine for men, but women would just be flooded. They already get thousands of messages on dating apps. They aren't going to go for something that doesn't let them weed people out without a conversation first. That just doesn't scale. Genetically men have evolved to get as many women pregnant as possible, women have evolved to be picky and decide which is best to spend 9 months having the baby of. You are…

> That would be fine for men, but women would just be flooded.

Can you explain what you mean by that - chatroulette style is that you randomly are paired with one other person. And once the chat ends you have to click a button to be paired again. The way I would see is that individuals would login and click "pair me" and it would search pair with one and only one other person (I think I would even go so far as to restrict them to one conversation).

I suppose someone might not be paired with someone for some time but that is the "risk" I suppose. Perhaps a timeout could help or a notification saying "people are online that match what you are looking for".

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#46

Post by nadams »

sigmar wrote: post #41
nadams wrote: post #34

I have experiences and opinions on this but to keep it short: It should really be split into several phases: 1) Take away profiles, pictures, zodiac signs, advanced algorithms and just put some basic constraints and have a blind chatroulette type system. Algorithms could be used for matching people like determining if they both like the same movies or something. It might be good to give them a mutual topic to talk ab…

I heavily agree with this post. People believe that pictures and zodiac matter more than they actually do. Not sure if I agree with your #3 though, seems like it is automating too much

I only say that because I find it difficult to find a place between me and the other person. Like for example last time I went out on a date I choose a theatre that was between us - but she wanted to go to one that was like an hour away from her (about the same distance for me).

The location selection would help with I guess "reading their mind" of what the other person wants to do. My personality is really open to almost anything - but I don't know what their favorite restaurants are when we start actually planning a date.

It could even be as simple as listing out popular restaurants in the area such as Chili's, TGI Fridays etc (arguably the food at those places aren't the best - but it's usually has plenty of people there, has light, and can have a conversation).

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#47

Post by puranjay »

gregpilling wrote: post #30

I met my wife on Match in 2000, we have been together 15 years and have 4 kids. Online dating was fun, especially if you use a little D.R.Y. and keep a text file of all the things you would say over and over again. It becomes very easy to 'mail merge' the best response to the ad you are looking at while still sounding original. Fun times, it was great to meet all sorts of women every week. I am still friends with a 5…

I used the exact opposite approach with online dating. I would write whatever comes into my head with zero filtering. I didn't care if I got laid or not. I just wanted to have fun.

My brain is better at coming up with quips than I realized. Once the mental barriers were gone, I discovered a new ability to make people laugh

Re: How to Make Online Dating Work

#49

Post by dzhiurgis »

puranjay wrote: post #47
gregpilling wrote: post #30

I met my wife on Match in 2000, we have been together 15 years and have 4 kids. Online dating was fun, especially if you use a little D.R.Y. and keep a text file of all the things you would say over and over again. It becomes very easy to 'mail merge' the best response to the ad you are looking at while still sounding original. Fun times, it was great to meet all sorts of women every week. I am still friends with a 5…

I used the exact opposite approach with online dating. I would write whatever comes into my head with zero filtering. I didn't care if I got laid or not. I just wanted to have fun. My brain is better at coming up with quips than I realized. Once the mental barriers were gone, I discovered a new ability to make people laugh

I find it much easier to be funny IRL. Introductions look so templated and difficult to get right.

Also my friend noticed something about 90s - it was much nicer to start talking with a person before seeing their entire life summarised, categorised and carefully documented in picture feed.

Post reply on HN