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Goodbye Marco

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Re: Goodbye Marco

#11

Post by tluyben2 »

bodhi wrote: post #10
tluyben2 wrote: post #8

So sorry to hear this; Evince rocks! On a side note, as someone with cancer i'm getting more and more annoyed with people saying 'lost the fight' 'after a long fight' etc. Somehow (and I know more people have this) it makes it feel like you didn't try hard enough. Stop saying that please.

> Stop saying that please. Might come across as snarky, but really meaning not to: What's an expression that would be more acceptable?

Well, if you die of something else, these terms are not used. Or maybe I didn't see, but you don't say 'after fighting alzheimers' 'after fighting ALS' etc, they just say; he/she died of X. That feels more fair than taking some kind of process into account whereby one gets the feeling that if you had battled harder you would've come out on top. For many cancers this is simply not the case yet; I was 'lucky', he was not, but that's all it is. It has not much to do with fighting IMHO.

Re: Goodbye Marco

#12

Post by dagurp »

tluyben2 wrote: post #8

So sorry to hear this; Evince rocks! On a side note, as someone with cancer i'm getting more and more annoyed with people saying 'lost the fight' 'after a long fight' etc. Somehow (and I know more people have this) it makes it feel like you didn't try hard enough. Stop saying that please.

Losing doesn't mean you didn't try your best though.

Re: Goodbye Marco

#13

Post by tluyben2 »

dagurp wrote: post #12
tluyben2 wrote: post #8

So sorry to hear this; Evince rocks! On a side note, as someone with cancer i'm getting more and more annoyed with people saying 'lost the fight' 'after a long fight' etc. Somehow (and I know more people have this) it makes it feel like you didn't try hard enough. Stop saying that please.

Losing doesn't mean you didn't try your best though.

I know, it just doesn't feel right. And like said before; I'm not the only one who thinks that. I hear it quite a lot.

Re: Goodbye Marco

#14

Post by bodhi »

tluyben2 wrote: post #11
bodhi wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Stop saying that please. Might come across as snarky, but really meaning not to: What's an expression that would be more acceptable?

Well, if you die of something else, these terms are not used. Or maybe I didn't see, but you don't say 'after fighting alzheimers' 'after fighting ALS' etc, they just say; he/she died of X. That feels more fair than taking some kind of process into account whereby one gets the feeling that if you had battled harder you would've come out on top. For many cancers this is simply not the case yet; I was 'lucky', he was n…

> they just say; he/she died of X

That's what my sneaking suspicion was. I recall having heard expressions like "after a long battle with illness", but your point makes a lot of sense.

Actually, I realise there's no mention of losing in that expression, which was made clear to me after finding this article

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carole-brody-fleet/long-term-i...

after searching Google for the above phrase.

Re: Goodbye Marco

#15

Post by mahouse »

tluyben2 wrote: post #8

So sorry to hear this; Evince rocks! On a side note, as someone with cancer i'm getting more and more annoyed with people saying 'lost the fight' 'after a long fight' etc. Somehow (and I know more people have this) it makes it feel like you didn't try hard enough. Stop saying that please.

It's metaphorical... PS, get well

Re: Goodbye Marco

#16

Post by thirsteh »

tluyben2 wrote: post #8

So sorry to hear this; Evince rocks! On a side note, as someone with cancer i'm getting more and more annoyed with people saying 'lost the fight' 'after a long fight' etc. Somehow (and I know more people have this) it makes it feel like you didn't try hard enough. Stop saying that please.

It's not even technically accurate. At the very least it's a draw :)

Re: Goodbye Marco

#18

Post by oso96_2000 »

tluyben2 wrote: post #13
dagurp wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Losing doesn't mean you didn't try your best though.

I know, it just doesn't feel right. And like said before; I'm not the only one who thinks that. I hear it quite a lot.

I lost my mom to cancer almost two years ago. I read this in reddit [1] and I liked it: "She didn't lose the battle - the cancer didn't live on either. At worst it was a draw, at best she took that fucker down with her."

Take care, buddy.

[1] https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/2pjmu...

Re: Goodbye Marco

#19

Post by kayoone »

pan69 wrote: post #3

I had this weird thought the other day, not sure if it makes sense; We all think that one day we'll grow old, we see old people around us all the time so I guess we assume one day we'll be one of them. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be true for many of us. Goodbye Marco. May you rest in peace. And to you my friends, smell the flowers while you can.

It's not a weird thought at all, after all that's life. While the odds of you growing old outweigh the odds of a short life (average life expectancy is around 80 in western countries) it still happens frequently that people die too soon, for whatever reason. Yet most of us focus all of our energy and motivation on a time in the future when we have hopefully achieved X, while forgetting to enjoy the present in a meaningful way. That is kind of normal because the human psyche tries to ignore too negative thoughts and it's probably the best way not get too depressive about life as a whole. It's similar to how we do not really care about people far away that have a really tough life or anything that does not directly impact our own lives.

Re: Goodbye Marco

#20

Post by brudgers »

tluyben2 wrote: post #8

So sorry to hear this; Evince rocks! On a side note, as someone with cancer i'm getting more and more annoyed with people saying 'lost the fight' 'after a long fight' etc. Somehow (and I know more people have this) it makes it feel like you didn't try hard enough. Stop saying that please.

As a long time hospice spouse, I wonder if "Living with cancer" might better capture what matters. The battle metaphor often leads to medical approaches that reduce quality of life and induce pointless suffering. Accepting the inevitable fact of mortality isn't necessarily surrender, sometimes it is innate wisdom.
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