Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wouldn't think it could matter to an outside observer whether the mass inside an event horizon had converged to a point of infinite density or not, there just needs to be enough mass collapsed to an area small enough to create an event horizon. If the outside observer were to cross the event horizon to check whether there was a singularity in the middle, they'd approach the same frame of reference, no longer be aff…
Sure, it doesn't matter really to an outside observer, I just threw that in to hit home the time dilation aspect. You seem to be assuming a preexisting singularity. My question is how does that singularity get there if the compaction itself that would form the singularity continually pushes the goal post down the line?
(My thinking is that if the mass of the singularity was redistributed evenly into a small sphere in the center of the black hole, the gravitational strength around the black hole wouldn't change despite density not being infinite. However that thought experiment is newtonian thinking, not GR, so perhaps flawed)
Edit: I assume "singularities" are a red herring here and you're also thinking that as the mass approaches whatever density is required for an event horizon, time slows to zero for the outside observer so no event horizon happens either, but that would leave mass on and around the smaller-or-proto-event-horizon so you get the situation from the link guard-of-terra posted "He also said that the black-hole-with-an-essentially-undetectable-object-just-outside-its-event-horizon is a very good approximation to a black hole of a slightly larger mass.". So perhaps for outside observers, black holes are just very good approximations of black holes - unless you go in for a closer look, in which case you find they are real black holes.