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Ask HN: Do you feel like you're missing out?

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Re: Ask HN: Do you feel like you're missing out?

#21
post #6

I don't feel like I'm missing out, but I do often lament the lack of time[1]. It is an interesting observation though of feeling on the outside of an amazing time. Do you feel like you are not able to 'join' the party? And if so what is holding you back? [1] Spending it reading HN not withstanding :-)

Not the OP, but for me it's a conscious decision not to join the party, and it's totally related to your [1].

I run a small consulting company doing primarily hardware and embedded software. I've got a lab set up in my basement with almost all of the gear that I need to do that successfully (spectrum analyzer, oscilloscope, and logic analyzer being the big 3 that I use pretty often). I do well enough at it that I don't really worry about money; I won't be retiring at 35, but I'm doing well enough that I don't think much about my chequing account balance.

There's the occasional crunch time, but for the most part I work hard for clients a few hours a day and spend the rest of the day learning & experimenting[1], reading, taking the dogs for a walk, doing yard work, etc. When I'm working on the software part of the work, we've got a family cabin a few hours away that has excellent 4G coverage. My partner and I will pack up the dogs and head down there for a few days in the middle of the week if it looks like it's going to be nice weather. She too has a job where working remote is often an option, so we'll get up, make some bacon & eggs with pancakes, take the dogs for a walk around "town", and then come back and do a few hours of work from maybe 11-3.

When I was working full-time+ in startup land, I definitely felt time poor. Sure, I sometimes miss being at the party, but I feel way less stressed now and happier with my life.

[1] The learning & experimenting often involves noodling with a new piece of software or hardware. It's often still screen time, but it's at my own pace and on my own terms. And over and over, it's turned out to be relevant to potential consulting gigs with a 1-3 month turnaround. Learn some new piece of tech, talk about it to friends, and tada! there's someone who's willing to pay me to use whatever weird niche thing I picked up to solve a problem for them.

Re: Ask HN: Do you feel like you're missing out?

#23
Every day. But then I look at my children, remember the work I've done that I'm most proud of and stuff like that and I shrug it off.

Sure, I would love to be more socially engaged in my surroundings, but whenever I'm in doubt about my life I reevaluate my priorities and usually discover that I'm pretty happy where I'm at. It's my life and I get to define the optimum, and so far viral content, insta-fame and richness hasn't gotten close to the top.

Caveat: I'm not famous, haven't founded a start-up or famous for my twitter debates. But it works for me.

Re: Ask HN: Do you feel like you're missing out?

#24
What you are seeing is a different form of the facebook highlight reel. There was a study that correlated Facebook use with higher rates of depression or something along those lines. The rationale for this was that you are comparing the 100% of your day to day activities with the cream of the crop activities that your friends were posting about(and possibly fabricating)

Not every day is a highlight reel.

Re: Ask HN: Do you feel like you're missing out?

#28
Yes – every day. By most metrics, my startup is going great, but it's taken years of all-nighters, working weekends, and skipped vacations. I love what I'm doing, but I'm also cognizant of all the friends, relationships, family-time, and other experiences I'm not investing my time in as much as I should.

Whether things work out or not, I'll always wonder what the counterfactual was, all the unknown-unknowns I chose to miss out on.

Regardless of what you read, what you feel like you're missing out on, know everything comes with a sacrifice. My only advice would be to think carefully about what you choose to invest your time in.

Re: Ask HN: Do you feel like you're missing out?

#29

Every day. But then I look at my children, remember the work I've done that I'm most proud of and stuff like that and I shrug it off. Sure, I would love to be more socially engaged in my surroundings, but whenever I'm in doubt about my life I reevaluate my priorities and usually discover that I'm pretty happy where I'm at. It's my life and I get to define the optimum, and so far viral content, insta-fame and richness…

I'm with you. I have a wife and a son. I live in my childhood home, which is completely paid off. My parents, grandparents, and most of my siblings live within a 5 mile radius. I don't have an 8-figure net worth, but I have enough money to do the things I want to do in life, none of which involve being famous or working 80-hour weeks.

Re: Ask HN: Do you feel like you're missing out?

#30
people becoming instantly rich & famous in tech

Those guys are lottery winners, seriously. Now I am not saying they didn't work their asses off too, but for every one of them there are 100 or 1000 or 10000 people who were just as smart and worked just as hard and their companies went up in a puff of smoke anyway. Wishing you were them is pointless because they are not them either.

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