Be Kind • Hacker News Board

Re: Be Kind

#151

Post by fr0styMatt2 » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:15 AM UTC

latchkey wrote: post #144

mkramlich wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

well said I basically stopped commenting (well, except now -- doh) here on HN because of how frequently I saw toxic responses and punishment down-voting. There are a noisy subset of users here who either (a) can't understand or respect generalizations, especially based on older/real-life experience, or (b) demand "proof" for any claim, or (c) will punish any kind of not-narrowly-PC statement. And then the blatantly r…

What if you could see who downvoted you? I'd be less annoyed by a downvote from pg, because I probably deserved it, than a downvote from someone completely random, who I might not care about. In some ways, I also wish downvoting cost you a point like it does on stackoverflow.

I don't think the upvote/downvote system here provides enough feedback to the person being voted. There just isn't the information there.

For the longest time I was confused at seeing down-voted comments because I mentally assumed that downvotes mean "this is a troll comment / this is some kind of abusive comment". Not so.

Also (and I've said this before so apologies for repeating myself!), if downvotes do mean 'disagreement', could we get rid of the graying out of down-voted comments, or maybe just make it an account preference? I'm interested in reading viewpoints that I might not agree with and graying out the comment makes it really hard to do so. It also seems to fit better with the model of "downvote = this comment shouldn't be in the conversation".

Re: Be Kind

#152

Post by duderific » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:18 AM UTC

thisisboz wrote: post #114

neverartful wrote: post #42

Nice article. When did the golden rule get invalidated?

The Golden Rule (treating others as you want to be treated) isn't actually very good. I prefer the Platinum Rule (treat others as THEY want to be treated)

Yes, the Golden Rule is good, because it assumes that you are the same as the other person (generally most people want to be treated with kindness and respect), rather than assuming that they are somehow different from you.

Re: Be Kind

#153

Post by foxylad » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:19 AM UTC

btilly wrote: post #40

JoeAltmaier wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Trouble is, tone doesn't come through text very well. Takes a lot more typing and very careful word choice. So haste often comes off as unkind. Maybe we can read comments more kindly, and give terse words the benefit of the doubt?

"Text does not communicate tone" is a huge problem. You can solve that by deciding that certain types of communication should be done face to face. Being kind can be more concise. Here is an example that my fiance recently pointed out... I think the single biggest mistake people make in communication is reminding the other person they are incorrect when that does not change the content. "As I told you Monday, the rea…

"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk" made a bigger difference to my interactions with colleagues than it did with my kids. It should be on every management reading list.

Re: Be Kind

#154

Post by anon012012 » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:23 AM UTC

zk00006 wrote: post #17

This guy wants to be super cool and cover just everything. Be kind, be super programmer, have tattoo, write blog ... Thinking about the post, I quite understand why people don't want to work with such superheroes . Kind will not make it if it is one other thing you want to be good at. Don't show off too much will do.

I agree with the idea, maybe, but not the phrasing. You're quick to judge people you don't know, and shame them when they have the courage of sharing. At the end of the day, his post is on the front page, and it's doing good.

Re: Be Kind

#155

Post by spullara » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:26 AM UTC

Took a long time for me to learn this important lesson. You can be right and someone else be wrong and get the right outcome without hurting them.

Re: Be Kind

#156

Post by tptacek » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:29 AM UTC

Happy to be a data point:

If you couldn't have guessed from my HN personality, this is me, as well.

Different companies have had different ways of putting it; in the current incarnation, with Erin and Patrick, I'm called "Kanye", as in, "I'ma let you finish".

Working on it!

Re: Be Kind

#157

Post by mucker » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:30 AM UTC

vijayr wrote: post #104

6502nerdface wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately some claim [1] that if Jon Stewart really disagrees with you, he has no qualms against using editing tricks and false pretenses to make you look foolish and stupid. [1] http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2014-09-23/don-t-ever-...

Wow, didn't know that :( Thanks for the link.

He's famous for it. Even going so far as to do multiple shows in an attempt to humiliate you.

Re: Be Kind

#158

Post by KaoruAoiShiho » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:30 AM UTC

duderific wrote: post #152

thisisboz wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The Golden Rule (treating others as you want to be treated) isn't actually very good. I prefer the Platinum Rule (treat others as THEY want to be treated)

Yes, the Golden Rule is good, because it assumes that you are the same as the other person (generally most people want to be treated with kindness and respect), rather than assuming that they are somehow different from you.

Agree with the Platinum rule. If you meet a big variety of people you'll learn fast that they want to be treated differently. There's a lot of room for social or cultural differences in humanity.

Just as an obvious example, the golden rule is why a lot of guys send dick pics.

Re: Be Kind

#159

Post by drincruz » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:30 AM UTC

Great read. I was in a similar boat; reading Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" changed the way I interact with people a lot.

Sasha Laundy's talk at PyCon 2015 is a great example of how to interact with other engineers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY14Er6JX2s

Re: Be Kind

#160

Post by mucker » Wed, May 13, 2015, 1:31 AM UTC

eclipxe wrote: post #123

vijayr wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not disagreeing with you, but there are also leaders like Jobs, Gates, Ellison etc. How come they are able to get amazing results, while being really nasty to their people?

Outliers, lucky, Right place, right time. The problem is with the people that try to emulate leaders like that - they try to play Steve Jobs in meetings and end up causing all of the damage without any of the greatness.

They aren't outliers.