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Be Kind

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Re: Be Kind

#81

Post by mfringel »

buckbova wrote: post #12

I'm definitely more patient than I was a decade ago, but I still have little use for useless people. I don't feel like I have to be kind to those who aren't motivated to contribute and do thoughtful work.

The problem with useful/useless is how often you have to re-run the function with people you see more than once.

Run it only once, and perma-store the info? Their state could change and you miss out on opportunities.

Run it each time and behave accordingly? That doesn't work, either. People know when they're being used.

Honestly, being kind all the time sounds like a lot less work.

Re: Be Kind

#82

Post by crimsonalucard »

buckbova wrote: post #12

I'm definitely more patient than I was a decade ago, but I still have little use for useless people. I don't feel like I have to be kind to those who aren't motivated to contribute and do thoughtful work.

It depends on how they are useless. If they put genuine effort into trying not to be useless, I will still be kind to them.

Re: Be Kind

#83

Post by Nadya »

roflc0ptic wrote: post #57
btilly wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Text does not communicate tone" is a huge problem. You can solve that by deciding that certain types of communication should be done face to face. Being kind can be more concise. Here is an example that my fiance recently pointed out... I think the single biggest mistake people make in communication is reminding the other person they are incorrect when that does not change the content. "As I told you Monday, the rea…

Based off of my vague memory, in "How To Win Friends and Influence People", one main point is not to contradict people. In text or in person, never tell someone they're wrong. In general, when I want to correct someone's understanding I frame it as a failure of my own understanding. Like, hey, I'm the asshole here, would you do me a favor by going over this one more time for me? This is great because it allows the ot…

I rather liked that book and want to disagree with many of the points it tries to make, but find myself choosing not to.

It is not economically or socially beneficial for me to be as blunt as I am - but my personal morality triumphs over both of those. If someone is wrong, they are wrong and I will let them know they are wrong.

It won't win me any friends and it isn't beneficial for me to be as blunt as I am - but I don't treat life like an economist, trying to maximize use out of people and my relationships with them.

Re: Be Kind

#85

Post by serve_yay »

mankyd wrote: post #4

I really like these two paragraphs towards the end: Being kind isn’t the same as being nice. It isn’t about superficial praise. It doesn’t mean dulling your opinions. And it shouldn’t diminish the passion with which you present them. Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. It requires you be mindful of their feelings and considerate of the way your presence af…

Of course it costs nothing to address people in a way that they feel comfortable with, so you should do it. But, in a Postel's law sort of way, in terms of critiquing argument I don't think it's worth dwelling on the tone. Two plus two is four no matter how many times the person arguing it uses the word "fuck", to put it crudely. And often, addressing tone is a way of eliding real argumentation.

Re: Be Kind

#86

Post by vijayr »

eclipxe wrote: post #14

The best manager I ever had (and continues to be my inspiration today) was also one of the kindest, genuine, and empowering people I've ever met. Not necessarily nice, but kind. The worst manager I ever had once told me "you're too kind to your team". He wore his ability to bring fear to a room like a badge of honor. I never worked harder and more passionately than under the first and I never felt more apathetic and…

Not disagreeing with you, but there are also leaders like Jobs, Gates, Ellison etc. How come they are able to get amazing results, while being really nasty to their people?

Re: Be Kind

#87

Post by AnimalMuppet »

ChrisGaudreau wrote: post #77
baby wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is exactly why smileys were born. But some people tend to be elitist and frown upon them. :)

I prefer flipped smileys. (:

By any chance, are you left-handed? (My brother-in-law is left-handed, and does his smileys flipped.)

Re: Be Kind

#88

Post by bgilroy26 »

themodelplumber wrote: post #64
baby wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is exactly why smileys were born. But some people tend to be elitist and frown upon them. :)

> But some people tend to be elitist and frown upon them. :) That may be due to the fact that the little smile at the end of a sentence can look really self-satisfied or fake. Especially if you were to dismiss any complainers by calling them elitists, and afterward tack a smile on the end of the sentence. Here, I'm being nice too! :) :) :)

woosh?

:?|

Re: Be Kind

#89

Post by Nadya »

iolaknfd89 wrote: post #75
solve wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. Totally agree, especially in regard to when people share their projects on HN. The HN community moderation always seemed to be based on a very superficial rules - don't swear, don't mention banned keywords X Y or Z. Never have they seemed to seriously consider the impact that words have on other people, instead of just…

Agreed. I will never share anything I make with HN for this reason. We all know the last 20% (polish) takes 80% of the work, and isn't the fun stuff. Yet that's generally what gets criticized when someone shares a link. For any of my hobby projects, it's about making a POC or rickety MVP. I want to build things and learn quickly, not doing the last 20% schlub work that eats at my time to learn something else. Because…

Ignore 80% of the feedback (about the lack of polish) and pay attention to the 20% of 'useful' feedback. :)

I'm 100% guilty of criticizing the lack of polish on some things that get posted. Often times because I am not familiar enough to criticize more important details that may not be apparent to the average observer.

For example - I might have to comb through an entire project in a programming language I'm not familiar with to perhaps give feedback on a better algorithm they could have used for X to improve performance... Or I could criticize that their search feature is entirely broken and always results in an empty results page.

The latter is easier to find and a casual user might run into it, although it might be a pain for the programmer to fix on the front end. The former will likely have less notice for the casual user, but is more beneficial for the programmer.

This is my take on why you see a lot of criticism about the lack of polish compared to other aspects or details.

Re: Be Kind

#90

Post by kamilszybalski »

Don't they also call this empathy. I think it's critically important to resist the temptation to fire back at someone the moment you think you disagree. Take a few seconds, repeat in your head what the other person has said, then repeat that back to the person, then formulate a response. Remember, the hardest thing to do is to control your emotions, especially during times where most people can't help but get defensive.
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