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Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

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Re: Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

#22

Post by flatline »

When you aren't doing work, stop thinking about work, stop talking about work. This may include time while you are physically at work. This is a hard lesson for many programmers. There is a time for thinking, but it's tempting to think all the time about some problem, or how great we did at Project X, or how badly we fucked up on Project Y. It is through our thoughts that we end up identifying with something, and if we are always consumed by our work then we identify 100% with our job. Our sense of self worth is then dependent upon something which is largely out of our control, is constantly changing, and inherently has its ups and downs.

People do all kinds of things like meditation to try to control their thinking, and these things are great and ultimately can be life-changing, but I don't think you have to go to great lengths to break the dysfunctional cycle you are in. Find a hobby. Talk about something else with your co-workers. Talk to other people at the company who don't program. Go to a meetup about something not related to programming, and talk about something other than your job for a while, or just watch and listen to other people. Go for a walk and look at the scenery. If thoughts about work come up, just notice them and come back to the present moment.

Re: Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

#23

Post by pbhjpbhj »

Raphmedia wrote: post #12

Work is work. You are a human being, not a machine. That code you output? It's meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Cherish what makes you human, not what makes you a good worker. Do things that you love outside of work. They will be just as meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but they will matter to you. Base your self estime on those. Work is there for one reason and one reason only. To get you money t…

>That code you output? It's meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Cherish what makes you human, not what makes you a good worker. //

Isn't that just soul crushingly depressive. Surely everything you do is part of your character, how you work, what you work on, that's all part of who you are. You are not your work but I feel you've gone too far.

>Work is there for one reason and one reason only. To get you money to do the things you like and to give you the means to cherish the people you love. //

I disagree. Yes, you need to earn your keep, no that doesn't mean that work should be solely about the money (unless you're unfortunate enough to be unable to change your circumstances, eg through poverty).

Re: Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

#24

Post by smacktoward »

Arjuna wrote: post #17

1. "That means if my project sucks then I go into a slump, and if my project turned out to be great then I am elated." In my estimation, the only way to break this cycle, to really exit this emotional roller-coaster that you are riding is to: Let go of the results and focus on the quality of your effort. For example, check yourself against this question: "Am I giving 100% to the quality of my effort, in this moment?"…

> "Am I giving 100% to the quality of my effort, in this moment?"

Exactly.

Stephen Mitchell's translation of the Tao Te Ching (buy here: http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9780061142666-0; full text here: http://acc6.its.brooklyn.cuny.edu/~phalsall/texts/taote-v3.h...) is one of my favorite books. It has some things to say on this subject:

   Express yourself completely,

   then keep quiet.

   Be like the forces of nature:

   when it blows, there is only wind;

   when it rains, there is only rain;

   when the clouds pass, the sun shines through...

   He who stands on tiptoe

   doesn't stand firm.

   He who rushes ahead

   doesn't go far.

   He who tries to shine

   dims his own light.

   He who defines himself

   can't know who he really is.

   He who has power over others

   can't empower himself.

   He who clings to his work

   will create nothing that endures.

   If you want to accord with the Tao,

   just do your job, then let go.

Re: Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

#25

Post by jmilloy »

I broke my version of this cycle by doing things that I knew I would struggle at. I think it's emotionally valuable to be out of your comfort zone and "fail". Taking up another hobby is a good idea, but if it is just something else you have to excel at to enjoy, it could just be more of the same. I went out of my way to take foreign language courses in high school and college, despite -- or because -- I'm not good at it. I'm doing ceramics this year in part for the same reason.

Re: Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

#26

Post by jacknews »

I don't mean to be rude, but this is a bullshit perspective and a direct result of the very American imperative of "winner takes all", or "second best is nowhere", etc.

Dump the computer and travel outside the USA for a few months to a year, and you might catch a glimpse of life as it really is.

Life (in general, including professional life, BTW) is all about the connections you make with other people, not your kaggle/topcoder/etc ranking.

Re: Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

#27

Post by mpdehaan2 »

I tried to write about some of this recently:

http://michaeldehaan.net/post/117078569362/the-philosophy-of...

At the code level, I'd suggest taking pride in the individual smaller bits as well as the larger bits, and side projects can help too if you really feel the need, but I also like the suggestion about enjoying other hobbies too, and then do really good work on working hours. You can do really good and robust technical work on some uninteresting projects (though working in a more interesting problem domain might be good for you), too - it's mostly about changing the way your mental evaluation function works.

Re: Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

#28

Post by hasenj »

Maybe base it on how much effort and progress you're making instead of the immediate result or the current level.

But to be honest, if your worth is not based on your work, then what could it be based it on? Your looks? Your hair style?

I can't really think of anything more significant.

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