Adding my 2 cents to the chatter about becoming a parent and the changes in the brain.
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/what-happe...
The days are long but the decades are short
341–350 of 406 posts
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#342> On work: it’s difficult to do a great job on work you don’t care about. And it’s hard to be totally happy/fulfilled in life if you don’t like what you do for your work I get that this is aimed at the startup crowd, but I've always felt that this sentiment is pretty privileged. We, the elite, get to cherry pick our work and do what we like. But I bet 9/10 people will never feel they have this luxury, and 8/10 will b…
>I just can help but feel sometimes that it's irresponsible to dump the "you can be/do anything!" sentiment on our youth when the reality is nowhere near that for most of them. This is my take as well. If prompted for advice, I tell people to find satisfation outside of work. Work is a rigged game. It simply will not make you happy outside of some truly edge cases and those cases are often temporary until things chan…
Early retirement is very hard for most people and borderline impossible for many, but social acceptance is not part of the problem. Money is the problem. If you want to take the money from society, then you have social acceptance issues. Society is generally fine with early retirement, as long as you don't plan on depending on the government.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#343our culture is so tone deaf to aging, you turn 30 and think life is behind you, old man before death's door .. (anyone know the W.Blake drawing?) in another decade 19yr olds will be drafting up long blog posts about recipes for success, how they made it, legacy concerns et al. its like the old man's domain got poached, and now old people have nothing to say they are so far out there .. :]
Couldn't agree more.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#344Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#345Earlier quoted context omitted.
There's a lot of space between "Don't be 5 mins late" and anarchy. My firm is "10-5 is encouraged, but there's some flexibility, and be available early morning or late night to accommodate customers and employees in other locations."
"Come when you want" sounds pretty close to anarchy to me.
I'm pretty sure that would result in people coming sooner and leaving later, because they dont want to be seen as "that guy that abuses the system"
Same issue with unlimited vacation time.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#346I was 5 minutes late to work every morning, because of taking my son to school in the neighborhood where our new house was being built. I didn't want him to have to move schools in the middle of the year. Boss said "This won't do. You'll have to examine your priorities." I thought about it all day, that night. Next morning I got to work (5 minutes late), went in his office, said "I examined my priorities. Work is #12…
I immediately judged your boss as a crappy person, which might or might not be true. May be the work environment made him like that. I can't say. But my first reaction was intense dislike for him.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#347Earlier quoted context omitted.
Until it happens to you, it's impossible to appreciate how sudden, profound and unexpected this change is (for must people). It's not a thing you plan or attempt. It's hard wired into your genes. Baby arrives. New behaviors, feelings, and priorities ensue. Whatever you were rushing around trying to do before is now less important. Your primary objective is to make sure that life over there in the crib is protected an…
It changes most of your life in a very profound way. The people you always called "mom" and "dad" become "grandma" and "grandpa". You begin to think of your friends not just in terms of hanging out, but in terms of how they influence your child, or how their influence on you indirectly influences your child. You begin to look at the physical world with a different eye -- partly toward safety, partly just pure wonder.…
Yes, the last thing I would have expected was re-evaluating my own friendships for that influence on influence. Not long after becoming a father I terminated a number of friendships quite abruptly. All of a sudden what I had previously thought of as 'fun guys' seemed like a toxic influence on me.
The other aspect of parenthood is it brings your life design into sharp focus. Proximity to bars and restaurants and hip furnishings suddenly take a very distant back seat to access to quality neighbourhoods, schools and places to spend time with your kids. Old friends snigger that you don't go out anymore and figure your life must be so boring - sometimes they act sympathetically when you spend another Friday night in. They don't realise Friday nights in with a young family are great fun.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#348I can't help comparing this set of advices to its 2000y old stoics counterparts (no offense being intended to OP).
1) Never put your family, friends, or significant other low on your priority list.
> stoic way: definitely a stoic's one, we're meant to love nature and mankind.
2) Life is not a dress rehearsal—this is probably it. Make it count.
> stoic way: there's no joy in pursuing anything, because you'll always want more, thus you can't have it all and will feel unfullfilled.
3) How to succeed: pick the right thing to do
> stoic way: "How to die at peace: achieve tranquility" ~ do not seek success nor something to do.
4) On work: [...] it’s hard to be totally happy/fulfilled in life if you don’t like what you do for your work.
> stoic way: a fullfilled life is a life where you let nothing harms your tranquility.
5) On money: Whether or not money can buy happiness, it can buy freedom, and that’s a big deal.
> stoic way: true freedom comes when you don't own nothing and owe nobody.
6) Talk to people more.
> stoic way: learn and teach, but do not expose your inner feelings, let them pass on you.
7) Don’t waste time.
> stoic way: to embrace fatalism is to achieve tranquility. Time is meant to be contemplated.
8) Don’t let yourself get pushed around.
> stoic way: yes, don't let other's aggressivity have an impact on your tranquility
9) Have clear goals for yourself
> stoic way: yes, definitely, but those goals should get you to tranquility
10) However, as valuable as planning is, if a great opportunity comes along you should take it.
> stoic way: only if that opportunity will let you achieve a more peaceful state of mind
11) Go out of your way to be around smart, interesting, ambitious people.
> stoic way: be around peaceful, calm, wise people.
12) Minimize your own cognitive load from distracting things that don’t really matter.
> stoic way: yes, if what really matters is one own tranquility
13) Keep your personal burn rate low.
> stoic way: yes, if by a low personal burn rate you mean a high tranquility level
14) Summers are the best.
> stoic way: there's not real winter on mediterranean coasts :)
15) Don’t worry so much.
> stoic way: yes, definitely, never forget that your life is meant to an end sooner or later, always be prepared for that moment, die in peace.
16) Ask for what you want.
> stoic way: you should get rid of the feeling that you want things, it's a infinite loop.
17) If you think you’re going to regret not doing something, you should probably do it.
> stoic way: to regret something is only a consequence of wanting something, consider not wanting something at first
18) Exercise. Eat well. Sleep. Get out into nature with some regularity.
> stoic way: Excercise because it reminds you of your limits. Eat only what's necessary because it makes you enjoy good meals when it occurs.
19) Go out of your way to help people. Few things in life are as satisfying.
> stoic way: learn to love people whatever they do, few things in life can have more impact on your peace of mind that letting others behaviors perturbs you.
20) Youth is a really great thing. Don’t waste it.
> stoic way: youth is meant to prepare you to be a fullfilled elder, and in that sens you should not waste it.
21) Tell your parents you love them more often.
> stoic way: you sould tell yourself repeatedly how much you'll be sad when you'll loose your parents, because that will let you seek and enjoy their company more often. That works for family and friends too, of course.
23) Learn voraciously.
> stoic way: learn, then teach
24) Do new things often.
> stoic way: do less, seek peace of mind, that's where lies the feeling of an accomplished life
25) Remember how intensely you loved your boyfriend/girlfriend when you were a teenager? Love him/her that intensely now.
> stoic way: see 21)
26) Don’t screw people and don’t burn bridges. Pick your battles carefully.
> stoic way: avoid battles, battles lead to anger, anger lead to a crippled life by destroying your tranquility
27) Forgive people.
> stoic way: you sould have nothing to forgive at first, because you should not let others have impact on your peace of mind. However if someone asks for forgiveness, then let it be.
28) Don’t chase status.
> stoic way: definitely a stoic advice, don't chase fame.
29) Most things are ok in moderation. Almost nothing is ok in extreme amounts.
> stoic way: things are ok in scarcity, that's when you enjoy it most when it occurs.
30) Existential angst is part of life. [...] Nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way; you are not alone.
> stoic way: true, we are not alone and we are all humans. But that is false to suggest that it's ok the suffer angst, we should not let us be angst-ridden.
31) Be grateful and keep problems in perspective. Don’t complain too much. Don’t hate other people’s success (but remember that some people will hate your success, and you have to learn to ignore it).
> stoic way: oh yes, "you have to learn to ignore it", that's is very stoicish :)
32) Be a doer, not a talker.
> stoic way: be a thinker
34) Think for a few seconds before you act. Think for a few minutes if you’re angry.
> stoic way: think, then do nothing
35) Don’t judge other people too quickly. You never know their whole story and why they did or didn’t do something. Be empathetic.
> stoic way: yes, be empathetic, but do not judge at all, because it gives you no more tranquility
36) The days are long but the decades are short.
> stoic way: your life is long, as long as you contemplate every single moment
Disclaimer #1: I'm not a native english speaker
Disclaimer #2: I've been introduced to Stoic philosophy by "A guide to the good life", where William B. Irvine make a good digest of Seneca, Epictetus and others. I'm in no way an expert and may (must) have made mistakes here.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#349Those of you on HN that are past the 30+ mark. What would you add to this list?
34yo here. Experience something horrible. I grew up in a ridiculously perfect fantasyland. My parents, who have an ideal marriage, told me I was the best at everything, encouraged every dream I had, paid for college and insulated me from all of life's difficulties re: money, stress, etc. To make matters worse, I excelled right along with the praise -- made good grades, got into a top-10 college, started a company aft…
I had a set of major setbacks when I was 21. Job setbacks. Relationship setbacks. Housing setbacks. Everything went wrong, and at the time my parents were travelling remotely and for the first time I had to sort out my problems myself.
I look back with amazement on that period which defined who I am more than any other period. What I learnt always that I could get back on my feet, I could turn things around, and when I did, I no longer took things for granted, whether that was jobs, friendships, relationships and more.
I almost pity anyone who hasn't gone through a rough period as they haven't been able to test out who they really are.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#350I was 5 minutes late to work every morning, because of taking my son to school in the neighborhood where our new house was being built. I didn't want him to have to move schools in the middle of the year. Boss said "This won't do. You'll have to examine your priorities." I thought about it all day, that night. Next morning I got to work (5 minutes late), went in his office, said "I examined my priorities. Work is #12…
I find this kind of attitude so dismaying - I am an employer, and I find myself in the inverse situation - practically physically dragging staff away from their desks to ensure they spend time with their families, and live their lives - work is work, not life.