HN Help: I'm lost • Hacker News Board

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#61

Post by robin_reala » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 1:53 PM UTC

greyman wrote: post #25

I am probably not a typical HN reader, but full-time "normal" employment works for me. I do software engineering and coding for 8 hours, then I go home, where I see my child, and there is a paycheck every month. So the advice I can give is - find another programming job, which is closer to your home, and chances are your boss will be better. That can solve the problem with money, boss, and time for your child. Regard…

Agreed. I’m probably not the usual start-up type commenter either, but I have a good 8 hours a day job in a fun agency 5 minutes (!) commute from my home. I get in early, enjoy my work without burning out, get home by half five and get to fill my evenings doing the other stuff I love. I haven’t stopped questioning my happiness and if I find myself getting bored with the situation I’ll change it, but for the time being it’s working very well.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#62

Post by peregrine » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 1:55 PM UTC

joubert wrote: post #58

Feelings of utter despair warrants seeing a shrink.

Or sounds like hes having a Mid-Life-Crisis. He seems to be handling it pretty well considering. Most delve into alcoholism, have an affair or spend money on ridiculous things. Hes seeking advice and trying to improve his situation long term. Everyone has existential moments, sometimes it takes some time to see where you're at.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#63

Post by bluebird » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 1:56 PM UTC

jacquesm wrote: post #11

trapper wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you give some examples? I've never done this and am intrigued.

Emigrate. Change your line of business (I went in to alternative energy for 5 years) Learn a new trade (for me: metal working, Cad-Cam) Right now I'm again going through such a phase of change, I have absolutely no idea what it is leading to but so far it has been extremely interesting. Life is all about the journey. Security in life is worth absolutely nothing, as soon as you feel that you are becoming 'secure' that…

"The price of being a wolf is loneliness. The price of being a sheep is boredom. Choose carefully what you will be."

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#64

Post by cjoh » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 1:59 PM UTC

Working for yourself isn't the answer. Do something you _believe in_ and the rest will follow.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#65

Post by mechanical_fish » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 2:06 PM UTC

patio11 wrote: post #15

I'll just throw this out there: if I were utterly unhappy with my life and had no clue who to turn to, I'd ask my priest if I could bend his ear for a few minutes. They're typically good listeners, they've heard worse problems than yours, and you really can't beat the NDA.

This is fine advice. I would only note that it also applies to the many other people in the world whose job description is isomorphic to "priest".

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#66

Post by mechanical_fish » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 2:06 PM UTC

patio11 wrote: post #15

I'll just throw this out there: if I were utterly unhappy with my life and had no clue who to turn to, I'd ask my priest if I could bend his ear for a few minutes. They're typically good listeners, they've heard worse problems than yours, and you really can't beat the NDA.

This is fine advice. I would only note that it also applies to many other people in the world whose job description is isomorphic to "priest".

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#67

Post by Slashed » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 2:08 PM UTC

digamber_kamat wrote: post #46

I too was in a similar situation some time ago. I just left everything behind me and went on a long journey. I stayed among some of the the most poor people, I stayed with most astute people. I slept on railway platforms, traveled in bull carts, I stayed with tribal and I visited different temples. I realized that there is nothing in this world that can make me feel complete except my inner desire. In this journey i…

You see, I think it is a lot easier to deal with problems and survive through troubles when you are 'only with yourself'. The worst thing that can happen only to yourself is not the worst thing, but when you must support your family or there's somebody you care about, tell me how can you be with yourself then? It's very hard to leave people you love.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#68

Post by jyothi » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 2:08 PM UTC

jacquesm wrote: post #16

thorn wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like I'm stuck at my work after 6 years working there. It was beginning like startup, and then we got bought after 2 years for "nothing", but I got good salary. So I'm kind of addicted to this work b/c of salary mostly. The bad thing that no progress is made for last 2 years and job became completely soul sucking. I cannot find power in myself to break those chains. How do you trick yourself to get rid of mone…

Well, as I said, it isn't for everybody. But here is my take on it: I'd rather be poor and happy than secure any day, and I live my life accordingly. I take risks, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, on balance it seems to come out roughly even. Case in point, a bunch of people in Canada wanted to start their own business, a local gas station was teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, I put together a package to be able…

Every sentence above is a gem - a statement to live life by. Respect.

Fortunately I have been lucky to have ppl back me up too when I turned life upside down. I am much younger but would probably lead a life just like you.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#69

Post by apinstein » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 2:08 PM UTC

Do not stop working. It's way easier to get a job if you have one, if for no other reason than your BATNA is much, much higher.

The unemployment rate for people like you (at least in the US) is ~4%. There are tons of opportunities out there, go find yourself a better one!

If you really try you can probably find 3-4 job opportunities in 1-2 months. I imagine you have some vacation time; take some to hang out and enjoy life w/ your family, and some more to interview/find jobs.

As per the other posts, don't be too dismayed. With a little bit of effort you can find a job at a company that you can get behind and in a matter of months your entire view will change. Better work, better boss, less stress.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#70

Post by canadaduane » Thu, Nov 12, 2009, 2:10 PM UTC

ashish01 wrote: post #40

My advice is why don't you start with some simple things first like making small positive changes in your routine. Getting up early, eating healthy, exercising, meditating for 10 min a day. In my experience these small changes infuse me with energy to deal with problems in my life. Once you feel more hopeful and confident about yourself you can decide what is best for you. Weather getting a new job near your place, g…

This suggestion has made a marked positive impact on my life as well. If you're a liberal-minded person who's looking for a community like a church but without confining restrictions, I also recommend the Unitarian Universalists. I benefit greatly from a weekly spiritual "check-up".