Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#321

Post by O____________O » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:33 PM UTC

logfromblammo wrote: post #319

littletimmy wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My condition is similar to that of OP's. What if I am not interested in anything? I don't really want anything; I think that drive of wanting stuff has all but dried up in the past 5 years. I'm wasting my life away counting days. What now?

I have also experienced that death of desire. In the tragedy of the commons, the person with the shortest time preference wins. I desire long-term goals like college funds for the children and retirement funds for the parents. The spouse always desires a house with one more room in it than the one we currently occupy, a vehicle newer than the ones we currently drive, furniture more comfortable and attractive than tha…

Then I realized that this is what it must be like to live in poverty.

That's also what it's like to live in depression. Everything about your comment sounds like depression to me.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#322

Post by sbov » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:34 PM UTC

mattmanser wrote: post #158

fit2rule wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, definitely this! If you're in your 20's and feeling like your "whole life" is wasted/lame/you're a loser .. well, have kids. It'll change your whole outlook, hopefully before you hit 30. Kids are awesome. They teach you that, at 20-something, you're not actually that experienced. You don't actually have a lot of time on the Earth. 20-something year olds - you're still kids. There's 3 or 4 more decades ahead of y…

What confuses me is how every person I know with kids complains their life is over, they don't do a lot, they have no control, they have no time for themselves and their life is basically over. And this is a mid-30s guy with a lot of friends with kids. And yet having kids is wonderful. I joked to my friend it is like Stockholm Syndrome. You have no choice. You made your bed and must now live in it. Of course you are…

I think people just like to complain about something. If you have kids its that. If you don't its your annoying coworker or that rude waiter or your car is making a funny noise and its brand new so WTF.

If your friends are doing nothing, and they aren't a single parent, it's their fault - because they would rather be with their kids, or doing something else. It doesn't take two people to watch/play with a kid.

I have one and it isn't so bad. I'm more productive at work because my time is more accounted for. Things are a bit hectic but it's not like I'm in some coal mine in Siberia. Life is mostly the same.

We can't do all night 5am ragers, but we can individually show up and go home around midnight. My wife still does happy hour once a week. I usually get some extra time on weekends to play some games.

A friend of ours still watches 2 movies/week in the movie theatre, because that's what she really enjoyed. Another goes to brunch every sunday, because it's a tradition with her friends.

Basically, you pick what you care about the most, and cut the things that don't matter as much to you.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#323

Post by olbeefy » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:34 PM UTC

plongeur wrote: post #128

> I'm a 26 y.o. ... I am crippled by the feeling that it's "too late". > CS degree from a top-10, > nough savings to last a few years > and he's half a decade younger than me! How will I ever be able to catch up? Experience-wise, I'm still a junior dev. > ... Dude, are you joking? ... and who the heck contributes to this waste of HN frontpage screen estate? This is a whiny humblebrag post about 1st world problems by…

I love all the people trying to help him with wise words but seriously... You're 26 and you're worried about being "too old?"

A lot of the things we're blessed with today did not exist 10 years ago (especially in the IT world.)

There are people out there with no money, no degree and are older than you that have a better outlook on this stuff than OP likely ever will.

People change careers all the time as they want or as is needed. OP has been an 'adult' for all of 8 years and fears he's getting 'too old...'

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#324

Post by mkagenius » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:36 PM UTC

dankohn1 wrote: post #228

swatkat wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. Because they are being themselves, and are connected to the natural wellspring of motivation that comes from genuine interest, while you are the salmon swimming upstream, aping societal ideals and trying to be someone you are not. >> Almost no one takes my advice because it's so threatening to be natural. What if you are not naturally ambit…

> Basically, comparison causes conflict, conflict causes anxiety, anxiety causes fear, and fear makes mind dull. Unfortunately, I can report that I have done all of my best work in my career when I was extraordinarily anxious, feeling like I was holding to the side of the cliff with just my fingernails. Whenever things have started to get too comfortable, I found that hubris has disrupted my successes. It's a sad tho…

Looks like there are multiple paths for success :) Human being is such a complex machine, I don't know why people think that there is only way to succeed - _genuine_ motivation for the job. What is genuine and what's not? If the job is getting done, who cares!

Sometimes its just good enough to be like cockroaches to survive and succeed.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#325

Post by tasty_throwaway » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:38 PM UTC

I made this account to reply to you. Take or leave these ideas, it's all love to me. You sound burned out with your chosen profession. And it also sounds like there's a little fear-of-failure in your procrastination habits. Normally I try and avoid speaking for others but I only say this because it mirrors closely a lot of experiences I've had. I remember feeling the same way partially through school and basically every day after. I don't have a solution for you, but I have some suggestions. I remember at 26 feeling so old. And it's true - you are the oldest you have ever been. And you always will be. So you should probably forgo the obsessive comparison of your age with others. But 26 is a great age - it's probably the best time to be young. You have more resources, but you can still go a little wild without really alienating anyone. You still get to have adventures, you still get to make mistakes. Don't get me wrong, you can do that when you're much older too, but the stakes tend to get higher. You have money saved up for years? Take a long fantastic trip. Alone. Meet new people. See new places. Maybe it will relax you. Maybe it will give you fresh ideas. But at 26, I guarantee it will reshape you. SE Asia is so incredibly cheap yet well-trodden, The US is sprawling and gorgeously diverse, Europe is a different adventure with every train you take, Africa is... wild. Point being that you can start in your own backyard or halfway around the world, but you're at a time where you can really take advantage of the experience. Also, you're probably better looking now than you'll ever be again. Take advantage of that while you can.

-jayce

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#326

Post by sethupathi_ips » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:40 PM UTC

littletimmy wrote: post #110

vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

My condition is similar to that of OP's. What if I am not interested in anything? I don't really want anything; I think that drive of wanting stuff has all but dried up in the past 5 years. I'm wasting my life away counting days. What now?

Losing want, is good. Many people strive and yearn for this. Now that you know you don't want/expect anything out of life, you are in a position where you can serve humanity. You'd probably die tomorrow/next week/next year/next decade. You don't know. It's your duty to leave this place in a better state than you found it in. Assuming you have some skills that can help others, pass them on. Volunteer. Tutor. Plant trees. Build schools/shelters. Teach middle school math/science. Try to evoke the sense of wonder in engineering/software/physics in children, the same wonder that you saw in these fields once. Don't do it with the expectation that it would make you happy. It might not. Do it because you have to. Do it because there are millions of people who would give anything to trade places with you.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#327

Post by vonnik » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:41 PM UTC

You're not old. But it's easy to waste your youth sunk in the fear of getting old.

Also, it doesn't matter whether you hit it big or not. Big is something other people will call you, or not. After you have wasted your youth, and you can feel the years in you, you will feel their indifference toward other peoples' judgment. All you have are a stream of seconds that are filled with your own thoughts. That doesn't change no matter how famous you get.

You should focus on the things that enliven you, not the projects of great promise that will make you famous if someone notices. In the end, that feeling of being alive will be all you had.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#328

Post by 0xdeadbeefbabe » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:46 PM UTC

rbrady wrote: post #237

swatkat wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. Because they are being themselves, and are connected to the natural wellspring of motivation that comes from genuine interest, while you are the salmon swimming upstream, aping societal ideals and trying to be someone you are not. >> Almost no one takes my advice because it's so threatening to be natural. What if you are not naturally ambit…

>> comparison causes conflict, conflict causes anxiety, anxiety causes fear, and fear makes mind dull Am I the only one who read this in Yoda's voice?

I read it in Grovers voice, dang it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#329

Post by crpatino » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:52 PM UTC

crpatino wrote: post #277

M8 wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Pick a long-term goal (interstellar flight, artificial intelligence, peace on earth, whatever), break it into manageable projects, then start. Let's think strategically: if your first project is curing aging and achieving immortality, then every other project after that is just a matter of time. Just sayin'.

> Let's think strategically: if your first project is curing aging and achieving immortality, then every other project after that is just a matter of time. Just sayin'. Actually, if you "cure mortality" first, you will exacerbate all the other problems related to population overshot, environmental damage, wealth distributions, etc. Then elf-style immortality will find itself cured, at gunpoint, or in more gruesome wa…

Yes, children. No matter how many down votes, you are still all going to die. I am really sorry mommy did not explain that to you at age 8 or so.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#330

Post by mreiland » Wed, Apr 08, 2015, 5:52 PM UTC

vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

I would also mention looking at what you do to satsify your natural inclinations.

I myself am very goal oriented. I always have to feel as if I'm moving forward on something. It took me years to realize what I enjoy most about games is the feeling of accomplishment you get from finishing them and I'm actively more productive in other areas of my life when I limit my game playing time. Not because I'm "wasting time", but because emotionally I'm not satisfied and find myself constantly working and building other things.