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Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

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Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#51

Post by win85 »

I came to the US for my undergrad and I am from Bangladesh. During my undergrad I realized that most of my good friends were from India, Sri Lanka, Vietnam, China, Africa and very few were actually Americans (Caucasians). I was also more attracted to white women and I wanted to date them; but I was often just ignored by them or looked down upon. It was awful, I continued to study hard, I got a good job in a reputed firm in Silicon Valley and moved to the bay area. Here I was able to move away from the corrupt background where I grew up and I found a lot more opportunities in the valley to network with top VCs and top engineers. Now I am on my way to starting my own company with my friends and past colleagues and I feel I can contribute a lot to the world. I am 31 and I still do not have a girl friend as I am still stereotyped by women and being brown with an accent does not help :P

Now I have the opportunity to achieve something in my life and share my experiences with the world with the hope that next generation is more kind to people from poor countries. It definitely helps to have girlfriend for emotional and physical needs. But racism is still present and affects dating also it is harder for men than it is for women. Unfortunately, being a brown male with an accent is just hard. You should continue to work hard and make a good career for yourself, do things that please you and make you happy. Happiness is contagious. If you are truly happy and passionate about what you are doing, its very likely you will be successful and attract women, money and much better personal life.

This is one of my favorite songs, listen to it when you are down:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2Wx230gYJw

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#52

Post by makepkgnotwar »

You know it's all a matter of perspective really. Personally coming from a similar background i've felt the same way at times.

If you are coming from a mindset of lack then that's all you're going to notice and all you'll see is everything that you don't have and how everyone that has more than you.

Seeing people people that you think don't have to struggle for anything and watching them take their life for granted can be terribly frustrating and depressing.

As others have said though, you really don't know what is going on behind the scenes of the people that you envy. All you see is a very controlled facade that they put on in public.

There are many struggles in life but there are also many things to be grateful for and you can be grateful for what you have without thinking about how life could be worse.

even if it "could be worse" your feeling are still valid, just don't let yourself get to in your head though.

can you find any good from your situation?, have you built any positve characteristics from a life of adversity?.

I find when dealing with any struggle in life be it big or small, all you need is to look at things from a different angle(much easier said than done) but once you change your mindset in how you will deal with life then maybe things don't seem as bad.

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#53

Post by multimedial »

hi,

I habe a similar background as you. in a nutshell, I can recommend to keep your focus on how to improve your situation. You get more of what you focus on, so focus on bettering your life, be nice and gentle to yourself, and things should slowly improve.

I can also recommend some of the techniques in this book here (albeit I don't sibscribe to the whole NLP field). Take it with a grain of salt, basically try it out and see if some of this works for you or not:

Know How: Guided Programs for Inventing Your Own Best Future

http://www.amazon.com/Know-How-Programs-Inventing-Patterning...

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#54

Post by 6t6t6 »

rboyd wrote: post #12

As someone who also came from poverty and dealt with some of these feelings, I found it helped to consider things on a global scale. Just being born in America makes me (and you too?) extremely lucky. All your limbs work? You can hear and see? It's all relative. These self-pity parties are generally counterproductive. No girlfriend by 30 and struggling very hard to get through interviews in an industry in such high d…

> Just being born in America makes me (and you too?) extremely lucky.

Do you base that statement in your experience because you lived in other countries and can compare, or it is just what you have been told? ;)

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#55

Post by aman-pro »

aburan28 wrote: post #30
aman-pro wrote: post #23

If you have a roof over your head, 3 meals a day and a family, You are already doing better that 60-70% people in the world. Be thankful for what you already have. I would like to recommend this article to you: http://johnnybtruant.com/the-universe-doesnt-give-a-flying-f... . Read A LOT. If you want success, read a LOT of books and articles that talk about success. Your situation will change surely. Btw, I would like…

This is a false-equivalence. Just because many of us on this site have it better than 99.9% of the rest of the world does not mean we have a struggle and life is easy. I suggest you read this piece "The problem with rich kids today" - https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201310/the-problem-...

As long as you are alive, you will have problems. Bill Gates once said, "life is not fair, deal with it". Some may call it a big problem, others will call it small. Focus on what is truly important, and you will move towards that.

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#56

Post by tarkeshwarsingh »

blueprint wrote: post #11

In math, every answer is made by a question. In practical reality, every result is made by clear causes in problems. One problem that we have as human beings is that we cannot see the causes that we keep inside ourselves. That's why it's not easy to recognize what makes the results we get in life. For this reason, a good teacher can be compared to a mirror – they simply show us ourselves, just as we are. Without such…

Your answer was brilliant. It made my day :-)

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#57

Post by galfarragem »

blueprint wrote: post #11

In math, every answer is made by a question. In practical reality, every result is made by clear causes in problems. One problem that we have as human beings is that we cannot see the causes that we keep inside ourselves. That's why it's not easy to recognize what makes the results we get in life. For this reason, a good teacher can be compared to a mirror – they simply show us ourselves, just as we are. Without such…

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.” - Voltaire

“There are no right answers to wrong questions.” - Ursula Le Guin

“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” - Tony Robbins

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#58

Post by lutt »

blueprint wrote: post #11

In math, every answer is made by a question. In practical reality, every result is made by clear causes in problems. One problem that we have as human beings is that we cannot see the causes that we keep inside ourselves. That's why it's not easy to recognize what makes the results we get in life. For this reason, a good teacher can be compared to a mirror – they simply show us ourselves, just as we are. Without such…

+1 to that.

Re: Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

#60

Post by JSeymourATL »

> When I look at my colleagues, friends I feel like many of them have it quite easy.

The most difficult thing is Mastering one's own psychology. I'm sure if you surveyed your friends and colleagues, each of them is struggling with their own issues.

Horowitz talks about this in his recent book> http://techcrunch.com/2014/03/03/the-hard-thing-about-hard-t...

Success in life also requires a heavy repetition and grind-out quotient> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBG57W_qFMA

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