Ask HN: Why do I have to struggle with everything?

The girlfriend thing.... ya, that's a hard one. First thing, don't be a complainer. Be someone people want to be around. Project light, not darkness. Exercise a little and regularly. Get some sun. Go easy on the video games and the masturbation. Avoid porn. Women are people, not objects, and if you want to be successful around them, that knowledge needs to be in your gut. Take care of what you wear. Very important... eat right. Lots of fruit. Lot's of omega3s. Sleep properly and look healthy. Smell good. Hard to explain exactly, but don't be creepy. Look like you are someone who has something to give rather than someone who wants to take. Be happy. Be open minded. Don't chase too hard. Be yourself... but your happy self and at your best. Don't try to fake it. Don't cling...just like a job, remember, you (almost) always have other options. Pay attention to little signals women give off. Don't mope and feel sorry for yourself ever. Try to be a gentleman at all times. Do these things, and most likely the girlfriend will eventually come when you least expect it.

1] Self (both inherent genetics, the fruit of prior decisions and difficulties which we seek out)

2] Your Circle (family, friends, coworkers, neighbors; think about the things those people do to you, the difficulties that you experience when someone close to you has their own life blow up, and difficulties that you willingly take on because you love someone close to you)

3] Society (your time and place in human history and culture, war & peace, societal level cycle of economic recession or boom times and more)

4] Nature (natural conditions such as storms, floods and drought may impact you)

5] Accidents (lapses in attention, stupid decisions by strangers and sheer randomness can dramatically change your life)

6] Controversial Category - Cosmic or Supernatural forces, ranging from notions of karma to spirits of the world, to ancestral spirits or monotheistic belief systems.

Understanding the sources of our difficulties does not make them go away but it can help us identify which ones we have leverage to change, which ones we can only change through relational cooperation, which ones will likely pass with time and those difficult circumstances over which we have no power and must come to a place of peace and acceptance.

Difficulties can be the key stimuli for personal growth or they can be the seed of bitterness which consume our mind, emotions and will with discouragement, anger, jealousy and despair.

Some would say that religion has nothing useful to say about these matters. I am not saying that every religion has something useful, in fact on various relevant points religions may disagree about sources and solutions. But we should not imagine that we are the first, or wisest in human history to have struggled with these hard questions.

Please don't give up. Search, work, try, experiment and grow.

While this is true, life is an unfair game. And we are all humans. So no matter how hard you try you are going to frustrated when you are treated unfairly.

A bad first roommate, a bad first relationship, job etc. Why are these experiences bad? Well, mostly because we didn't know what we were looking for at the time. I think we all have some idea of what would make us happy, but a lot of the time, we need these experiences so we can appreciate the better things that come, if and only if we are willing to seek them and not give up.

So you've never had a girlfriend, its something to look forward to. You should also use the desire for companionship to put yourself into situations to make it possible. I was engaged at one point and it ended with the girl essentially cutting off contact without saying anything. It was only when I called her and told her I wanted to call of the engagement, she started making excuses. We hadn't talked for three months at that point -- she wouldn't call or return my calls.

My point of telling you that story is that I know my self worth has nothing to do with the way she treated me. And I continue to seek out a partner who will be more of a help than a hinderance -- as my ex was. But I'm still alive and motivated to keep going, I think that's all you need in life.

I'm also working on a dating app, I have been working on it for close to three months now and it hasn't been released because I keep getting to a certain point, scrapping it and starting over. Some API's I depend on don't work as I'd like, or I find myself unhappy with the design. But I'm at it again, and this time I hope to finish it and release it on the app store, because it will help other people out there.

This is getting kinda long, but my point is that in life, the most important qualities a person can have are hope and resilience. You obviously have both, otherwise you would never persist where others have failed miserably.

For all the success stories you hear in social media, there are countless others who give up and never try again. And for all those successes, they never tell you how many times they tried other ventures and failed. If I finished my app within the next month, you would never hear about the rest of the time where I wasn't sure it would ever see the light of day.

Keep on goin'