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Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

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Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#141

Post by therebase »

my 2 cents:

* Say no to date in person

* Decline the job for reasons that you explain to the HR department: He asked you out on a date in a professional setting (I must inform you .... I regret ... best regards). Writing this in a friendly form (the HR person receiving this mail has not asked you for a date). This person will be up in arms for you. You will receive a very very friendly call from someone up the foodchain. See, it happened in person .. so you cant prove shit. But if you are a boss.

* Do not send the mail CC to the interviewer

* Close the mail friendly with best regards

* Document what you can. I guess the interviewer did not do this in written form.

* Go on and strike this company off the list of companies that you aspire to work for. Do not believe this was an single incident. When hiring people everything should be extra shiny (normally you discover problems after starting).

So with 15 years experience in the field: that shop is crap!

One thing: The tech job market is a sellers market. More people want to hire than there are able engineers. You are not the one asking for something only. The company is as well. A work relationship must be on the basis of a mutual understanding what is ok and what not. Seems you have a difference here. Good luck for the job hunt. The good companies are out there (and many people who can show you the way for harassment free work experiences).

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#142

Post by SaraMG »

beeworker wrote: post #95
jackmaney wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because he needs to face consequences for his behavior. He's a massive liability to his company.

What if he's a 10x engineer? He's a massive PR liability because of our insane outrage culture, but he's a very valuable asset for, you know, his actual job.

Sounds like the kind of "10x engineer" who gets there by demoralizing the rest of his team to 0.1x productivity by being an asshole.

Do not want. Do not need. GTFO

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#143

Post by zorpner »

ddoolin wrote: post #93
zorpner wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Boy, you're really going out of your way to defend some guy you don't know who already admitted that what he did was wrong.

Because there's more at stake here than just "some guy who admitted he was wrong." People are jumping on this as yet another example of how horribly "male" the entire industry, how hostile it is to females, etc.

yet another example of how horribly "male" the entire industry, how hostile it is to females, etc.

Yes it is, exactly. And the grandparent comment is yet another example how people will contort any way they can to give men behaving in unacceptable ways towards women the most charitable possible interpretation.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#144

Post by baddox »

mikeash wrote: post #99
baddox wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you explain that claim, and is that claim in any way falsifiable?

Explain it? Sure. There's always subtexts in human interactions. Pressure doesn't have to be explicit. When a policeman tells you to pull over, there's an implied "or you'll be arrested" that we all understand even though he never comes out and says so. When your crappy boss asks you to come work overtime on the weekend without any additional pay, there's an implied "or I'll make your life at this company difficult,…

> When a policeman tells you to pull over, there's an implied "or you'll be arrested" that we all understand even though he never comes out and says so. When your crappy boss asks you to come work overtime on the weekend without any additional pay, there's an implied "or I'll make your life at this company difficult, or maybe just fire you" that he usually doesn't need to state.

Both are those claims are simple to explain. Policemen clearly do arrest people if they don't pull over, and bosses clearly do penalize or fire people for not following orders (even unreasonable orders). And intention doesn't really come into play for either of those examples, because it's clear that both policemen and bosses intend to be issuing threats.

You haven't given any similar explanation for why asking someone on a date after interviewing and rejecting them carries the same implication. (For clarity, note that I don't approve of doing so, but for a different reason.)

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#145

Post by forgottenpass »

tzs wrote: post #96
ihsw wrote: post #5

* Say no. * Forward copies of emails to the company's leadership/HR department. * Keep printed copies of the emails handy in case he decides to retaliate with lawyers. * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. * Move on with your life. There's not much you can do from a legal standpoint, with regards to grievance/redress. Escalating the situation through contacting his boss/HR carries a risk, even though you have…

> * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. What scenario are you envisioning where she might need to save the 15 seconds it would take to dial from the contacts app?

It's an expression from the days when "the contacts app" wasn't a thing. Like the save icon floppy disk, expressions tend to last beyond societal changes that make them meaningless.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#146

Post by ddoolin »

genofon wrote: post #132
ddoolin wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is some serious speculation! There is no way you could possibly know if he has that power just from what she wrote.

if he could hire her before the email, he can hire her after.

Did you read the post?

> A few minutes later he sent me an email saying he'd spoken to his team and they were looking for someone with a lot more experience

It was a team decision, and while the quote is not final, points more to the fact that he _isn't_ able to just unanimously reverse the decision. At that point, the entire team would have to be colluding.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#147

Post by ircmaxell »

beeworker wrote: post #95
jackmaney wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because he needs to face consequences for his behavior. He's a massive liability to his company.

What if he's a 10x engineer? He's a massive PR liability because of our insane outrage culture, but he's a very valuable asset for, you know, his actual job.

I don't hire nor value 10x engineers. So no problem there.

I hire and value engineers that elevate those around them to 10x.

And this behavior lowers people, not elevates. So no, that person is not a valuable asset. He's the very definition of a liability.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#148

Post by picks_at_nits »

beeworker wrote: post #95
jackmaney wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because he needs to face consequences for his behavior. He's a massive liability to his company.

What if he's a 10x engineer? He's a massive PR liability because of our insane outrage culture, but he's a very valuable asset for, you know, his actual job.

If he’s interviewing, then that is his actual job. If he’s hitting on people while representing the company in any context, e.g. at conferences, that is his actual job.

The way you framed this as a “PR liability” suggests you don’t think there’s anything wrong here, it’s just a question of dollars and cents to the company’s bottom line. That’s exactly the kind of sociopathy that is the problem.

You have to stop and decide that there is a moral and values problem, and that these things matter more than a few bucks. If the company has values around this, it will make sure people have training around what is not acceptable behaviour. It will not pass out cards, 10x engineers get a green card, 5x engineers get a yellow card, 1x engineers get a red card.

Everyone will get the same message about what the company values, and steps--I will not say what those steps are, maybe training should have happened before this incident, maybe coaching should happen afterwards, maybe firing is not necessary--and steps will be taken to ensure that everyone in the company acts in accordance with the company’s values.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#149

Post by mikeash »

baddox wrote: post #144
mikeash wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Explain it? Sure. There's always subtexts in human interactions. Pressure doesn't have to be explicit. When a policeman tells you to pull over, there's an implied "or you'll be arrested" that we all understand even though he never comes out and says so. When your crappy boss asks you to come work overtime on the weekend without any additional pay, there's an implied "or I'll make your life at this company difficult,…

> When a policeman tells you to pull over, there's an implied "or you'll be arrested" that we all understand even though he never comes out and says so. When your crappy boss asks you to come work overtime on the weekend without any additional pay, there's an implied "or I'll make your life at this company difficult, or maybe just fire you" that he usually doesn't need to state. Both are those claims are simple to ex…

You're saying the other examples are clear because people actually do these things, but the date example isn't clear because men don't retaliate against women who refuse a request for a date?

I'm not sure what I can tell you besides, yes, yes they do, all the time.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#150

Post by woof »

zorpner wrote: post #143
ddoolin wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because there's more at stake here than just "some guy who admitted he was wrong." People are jumping on this as yet another example of how horribly "male" the entire industry, how hostile it is to females, etc.

yet another example of how horribly "male" the entire industry, how hostile it is to females, etc. Yes it is, exactly. And the grandparent comment is yet another example how people will contort any way they can to give men behaving in unacceptable ways towards women the most charitable possible interpretation.

Hey, I'm a male chauvinist pig. What can I do?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_NtJuMVAAAt7PP.jpg

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