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Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

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Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#51

Post by mikeash »

venomsnake wrote: post #38
mikeash wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Real men do not abuse a position of power to pressure women into accepting a date.

How can he abuse position of power if he asked her out after he turned her down for the job? He does not have a shred of power over her. If it was before he told her she is unsuitable- it is different case.

Sure he does. He could change his recommendation after the fact. Even if he couldn't, and even if he intends no such thing, she has no way to know that, and he should be aware enough of the power dynamic to understand how that impacts his request. It sounds like he was aware, and did it anyway.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#52

Post by dsr_ »

bhayden wrote: post #42
ihsw wrote: post #5

* Say no. * Forward copies of emails to the company's leadership/HR department. * Keep printed copies of the emails handy in case he decides to retaliate with lawyers. * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. * Move on with your life. There's not much you can do from a legal standpoint, with regards to grievance/redress. Escalating the situation through contacting his boss/HR carries a risk, even though you have…

I'm not sure responding at all to the man in question is appropriate. She needs to sever contact.

Sever contact? It's not like they're coworkers. In what way would you suggest she sever contact?

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#53

Post by jarin »

beenpoor wrote: post #28
ihsw wrote: post #5

* Say no. * Forward copies of emails to the company's leadership/HR department. * Keep printed copies of the emails handy in case he decides to retaliate with lawyers. * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. * Move on with your life. There's not much you can do from a legal standpoint, with regards to grievance/redress. Escalating the situation through contacting his boss/HR carries a risk, even though you have…

Seriously ? All for asking her on a date ? I don't see any harassment or any kind of quid pro quo. Mistakes happen all the time.

I'll take the risk of being buried along with beenpoor, but I should point out that asking someone out once is not harassment. Harassment is asking them out repeatedly after being turned down (i.e. it is known to be unwelcome).

Not making any excuses for what interviewer guy did at all, that was still pretty slimy.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#54

Post by xtrumanx »

jarin wrote: post #27

Dating within the tech industry is tough, especially when most of the people you meet are also in tech, but you also don't want to contribute to the problem of creating an environment where women feel like they're constantly being evaluated not only for their skills but also as potential partners. As a guy, it's probably best to just put the idea out of your mind altogether unless specifically approached. Meeting rom…

> ...unless specifically approached.

I don't even think that's a good idea. I don't live in the U.S. or in the western world for that matter but from my reading of all issues in the tech industry from HN it seems to me the best approach is to pretend your a eunuch at work or around your colleagues no matter the location.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#56

Post by jpk »

Archio wrote: post #19

What the fuck? How does this shit happen? How on earth does someone, male or female, get into such a state that they think it is appropriate to do something like this in a professional setting? Can someone explain to me how this works? I'm male in a male-dominated industry, and of course I don't give a damn what people look like and treat everyone with respect. The problem is, I don't believe a single one of my male…

That's the thing. He already knows this is inappropriate, but then did it anyway. Which is arguably worse.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#57

Post by uptown »

codeduck wrote: post #17
slantedview wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yet somehow this guy wormed his way into interviewing her. Someone let that happen, and someone gave this guy interviewing responsibilities.

Small company, he's a programmer - primary interviewer is busy (something came up) - asks another technical person to cover for him. Happens all the time in startups / small companies.

Or....

Small company, he's a programmer - primary interviewer is in a relationship (last candidate said 'yes') - asks another technical interviewer if he's interested in this candidate's headshot. Happens all the time in startups / small companies.

My guess is about as feasible as yours, no?

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#59

Post by woof »

mikeash wrote: post #23
borski wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not trying to cause a stir, but where does it say he pressured her? I read it as "he asked me out on a date," not "he told me if I didn't go on a date with him he wouldn't hire me and he'd kill my firstborn." She had already not gotten the job. Not saying this is ok, but it doesn't sound like much pressure was applied.

It's implicit in the very fact of asking in that situation. Your response, and the neighboring one from ddoolin, is the equivalent of "I wasn't threatening her, I just always hold a knife in my hand like that." The proper thing to do here if you really wanted to ask her out on a date is not to do it . There's plenty of other women out there you can meet in a more appropriate setting. There is no acceptable reason to…

>I wasn't threatening her, I just always hold a knife in my hand like that

He threw away the knife when he told her the was looking for someone with more experience.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#60

Post by MangoDiesel »

Unfortunately, I think the best way (safest) to handle this as someone new out of school without a network is to ignore it and move on to other potential opportunities.

Most likely, this is an issue isolated to this one employee, who should have his position of responsibility in the hiring process stripped, written up/ demotion, whatever tools are available to the company to _strongly_ reprimand him.

There is a chance that this person (who has already shown to be outrageously unprofessional) would retaliate. He has your resume which likely significant personal information such as cell phone and address.

If you had a network, the best course of action would be to find someone you trust who is connected to the CEO. Any CEO who is not breeding a malignant culture would be absolutely appalled by this employee's actions. The CEO is fortunate to have a female grad student from a top 3 school applying to work at his/her company. Diversity is incredibly valuable to teams, and hi-jacking the hiring process into a personal dating workflow displays such egregiously bad judgement I would probably be personally offended as the CEO to the point of firing the person.

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