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Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

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Re: Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

#91

Post by ambiate »

My solution has been a healthy dose of being outward about my awkwardness/anxiety. In a meeting two days ago, the consultant wanted to shake hands and I had to warn them about the puddle they were going to encounter in that brief handshake. Afterwards, I let them know I would gladly donate my body if they found a way to harvest energy from anxious sweat. A good (albeit sometimes awkward) laugh is still a laugh.

When I feel bad about my performance, I try to look at my past achievements. I used to just do projects and disconnect once they had completed. Now, I have a small archive of pieces of code I can look at where I feel I genuinely improved as a programmer or had an 'aha' moment.

Recall, the intersection of technology and medicine fields is not simple. Both fields are expanding and adapting on a daily basis. The amount of expertise required just to hone a single skill (potentially extinct!) is a lifetime's achievement. Do you really believe you have already peaked and this is it? Believe me, there is so much more to come! Maybe you're not the all-knowing-expert-guru, but aren't you aspiring to reach that point?

Just relax. You'll be fine. Even if they found out, and it turns out you were an impostor, do you really believe you're going to get fired? You're already trained and in the field. You're being an impostor of what you're actually doing on a daily basis? Seems ridiculous.

Re: Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

#92

Post by comboy »

awaythrow15 wrote: post #30
jasonlotito wrote: post #16

> Why am I writing this post? I'm seeking understanding, support, and related stories/situations. I'm not seeking a cure-all. I'm not seeking a pharmaceutical or therapeutic recommendation. Just support. I know you didn't ask for this, but it needs to be said. See a doctor. Get properly diagnosed. Get proper help. As someone who live with mental disorders, I can assure you, getting proper help is the best thing you c…

Thanks for this. To clarify: I agree completely that therapy and medication can both be powerful tools. That said, I wanted (and still want) this discussion to focus more on the sharing of feelings and support between members of this community as opposed to my particular diagnosis or circumstance. But I agree with you that seeking professional help is a good idea!

You clearly have done your homework. You know what things may help. You also got confirmation that indeed you are not alone with this kind of problems.

If you've done so much research then your problem is likely something that you've been fighting for years. Yes probably with much work you can fix it with just working on yourself. But it's like having a broken arm and telling yourself it will heal. It may. But if for some genetic or whatever other reason your brain does not produce enough dopamine, or have some other imbalance of neurotransmitters, then go to the doc, try his help, and spend all saved time on becoming even more awesome coder. If you want to, of course (But do you really? or maybe you just 'arrived' at the point you always imagined as a goal and the thing is you don't really know what you want now - that's a very real problem to have. But if you do know that what you really want is this career, then optimize for it trying not to be biased.)*

* sorry if that sounds like telling you what to do, just sharing my thoughts hoping that you may find some of them useful

Re: Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

#94

Post by bzalasky »

There was another thread about anxiety a while back, and someone mentioned how 'A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy' by William B. Irvine had helped them (http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/01953...). I'm about half way through it, and have to say it was a great recommendation.

Stoic philosophy aside, sleep (cutting back on caffeine), exercise and spending time with family and friends helps me.

Re: Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

#95

Post by maripac »

You know we have all hurt ourselves thinking one or another way. In my case I couldn't tolerate doubts regarding why people behaved in some way, that I arrived at really awkward conclusions. Maybe those conclusions were not real but they had real effects. Because what other people thinks does not exist. The only thing that exists is how the thoughts you attribute to them makesvyou feel. And hey it turned that my ability to thinking in terms of relations and patterns applied to computers instead of people was an advantage. Do you really need to learn body language? In my opinion the more you know about human nature the worse that knowledge can play. You've got fear, ok. Then don't feel guilty for it. Make friends with him and arrive at some agreement. Do not try to deny it, because it's going to get worse. When people tell you not to think too much, can make you feel guilty. There are some techniques for that. While you do not know them just be sure that bad feelings go as they come.

Re: Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

#96

Post by bstar77 »

I get anxious when I feel unprepared. It sounds like you feel unprepared to handle the task(s) at hand- this can be a very stressful situation. I've been there and I've supported others going through this as well.

The way I overcame it was to become prepared- I would start my day a few hours early, that kept my mind sharp and gave me plenty of time to start tackling problems ahead of everyone else. I also used my free time wisely to continue educating myself.

After 6 months of this, my comfort level improved tremendously- I went from being a complete novice that was way over his head to a very respected developer on the team. Stress absolutely kills my productivity so it was critical for me to understand the triggers that created it. Once I was confident in my skills and realized that struggling is a natural part of the learning process, my mental state improved dramatically.

I also want to mention that I have ADD. I need to force myself to focus on a single task or else I get overwhelmed. I also need to have headphones on to block our my surroundings (check out windy, sunny and thunderspace iOS apps). This give me the ability to have intense focus without all of the noise.

Re: Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

#97

Post by kazinator »

It sounds like you have fallen into something that is nowadays referred to as "impostor syndrome". This is when people who are competent in their field underestimate themselves: they harbor as suspicion that they are actually not competent and think that others around them have somehow been duped, perhaps only temporarily so.

Obligatory Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

It may help you to remember that if you actually were an idiot, you'd likely be the opposite way: irrationally confident in your abilities. :)

Re: Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

#98

Post by lholden »

I can understand how you feel way too well. I have gone through periods of anxiety so crippling that I can't even leave the house. Most of the time, the anxiety is manageable... But I end up feeling like I am missing out in some way. Social interaction I'd like yo be having, or ideas that I want to voice.

I think the biggest improvement I've made over the years has just been learning to understand when I am even anxious in the first place. You can get so caught up in the anxiety that you lose the ability to think critically about what is happening to you.

If you can get it under control though... Things get way better. Just know that you are not alone. :-)

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