Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

I have OCD tendencies and I have found it incredibly helpful to connect with others in similar situations. I feel almost exactly like you do on a regular basis. My automatic negative thoughts are a little different but the end result is the same.

If you are like me, you are an extremely considerate/observant person that puts the perceived needs of others consistently before your own.

I know it sounds stupid or crass but you just have to stop giving a fuck about what people think. You will absolutely never be able to control peoples thoughts, emotions or actions. You are where you are based on your own merits. No one gave you a handout. You stayed up late into nights, learning, coding and building.

Having OCD means that you are eccentric. We can't change that and we shouldn't have to. Sometimes we don't have filters and call things like we see them. That's ok. Often people react negatively and that's also ok. That doesn't mean they hate us forever. Non OCD people generally get over things relatively quickly. Don't worry about it.

This perspective in conjunction with counseling has helped me tremendously. I still get anxiety, sometimes really bad, but when I do, I usually know it's because I'm being dishonest with myself and feeding into negative automatic thoughts.

Much love to you, you're not alone.

>I have OCD, and these thoughts become obsessions that don't let up.

A lot of people here might glance over this, but this is a pretty crucial detail. Having suffered from severe obsessive compulsive thoughts, this condition can and will completely destroy your quality of life. Earlier in life it was handwashing and lock checking. I grew out of that (thank god), but I've started to notice the same thought patterns cropping up in new places. What little CBT I made it through equipped me to recognize more obviously intrusive thoughts (contamination) but sometimes less obvious symptoms are harder to recognize but equally insidious. I don't feel as though I can recommend CBT in good conscious because I was never able to come close to completing the therapy, but it's worth mentioning.

Best of luck, OP.

"* I was bad at reading body language."

This was such a huge issue for me. Being so observant, it's easy to judge someone based on body language and tone. Yes we can gain valuable information from this observation but we should not assume those observations are correct. I find it very easy to assume my assumptions are correct and this often creates situations where there are none.

Thanks for sharing.

Hey let's face it. Why are you employed? You're employed to generate more value to a companies product. I assume you're working there for at least 3 months or so. I think the fact you're not fired at this very moment proves that you'll doing your job somewhat right.

Don't get me wrong i know your fears quite well, but the thing is sometimes you have to face realities. There is no easy way to deal with it but a thing i had to learn was that dedication an passion are far more valueable to a company than failure.

You seem to me like a guy who reflects a lot of his own actions. Think of Software Development. A bit of reflection can lead to some kick ass smart solutions but a lot of it causes performance issues. Same with your mind.

A thing which worked for me was to get intouch with my coworkers. Talk about work related issues, do code reviews and such things. That is a healthy way of validate whether or not you're performing well. You'd be surprised by the fact of how your coworkers realize your perfomance.

I can't give you any advice on how you could possibly accept that feedback, but maybe you could try if this and it will work out for you.

I'll hope this comment helps you in any way gaining more self confidence.

Rock on

I didn't go through all the comments on the thread, but so far what I've seen is just bullshit. People around here are reading too much the DSM (or going to the wrong therapist, pick one).

You have anxiety, OP? Good! Most of us have to deal with it. No, I'm not saying "stop it and cheer up!". It's a real problem, but doesn't need to be a problem that will make your life stop.

I went to a roller-coaster of emotions in the last 2, 3 years (from valleys of depression and anxiety to peaks of extreme happiness). I went through everything you said, the impostor syndrome is the fuckin' worst shit that can happen to someone. This train still hits me, sometimes. That's not easy.

How did I overcame it? Changing my thoughts. The impostor syndrome faded away when I realized that the people around me don't know what they're doing, too! Nobody knows how everything works and I'm still looking for answers about how the world didn't meltdown yet.

See? I didn't get any better changing my mind by saying that I'm good and I know what I'm doing. I got better because now I see that everyone are lost, just like me!

Fear of embarrassment? Learn to fix quickly what you did wrong. Nobody will notice nor will care if everything is working. And when you see that other people are lost too, as I said above, you won't care if you're good or don't.

At the end of the day, it's just you that matters. You don't need to proof you're good to everyone. You know that you're good because the point you've reached in your life.