Ask HN: Anxiety is limiting my enjoyment of a wonderful career. Can you relate?

Used to be anxious, now I'm not. This stuff may or may not apply to you. Take it as one anecdotal experience.

First, are these in line?:

  * Sleep
  * Diet
  * Exercise
  * Meditation/relaxation time

Whenever I feel anxious now, I notice I've let one or more of those slide. Anxiety resolves when I fix them.

Second, I used to be anxious for the following reasons:

  * I was socially awkward with few friends.
  * I was bad at reading body language. 
  * I didn't have objective things I could point to that I had done that were unambiguously good.
  * My reasons for feeling good were all in one area.

Number 2 was a major cause of number 1. When I couldn't read people, I was always worried I'd do something wrong. This made me shy and awkward around people. This in turn made people less likely to want to hang around with me.

So I learned how to read body language. You don't have to live in fear of harsh reactions if you can read body language. You'll notice people broadcasting loudly "everything is fine, I think you're doing a good job" loud and clear. The odd occasions someone is displeased, you'll spot it a mile away. I can't emphasize this enough.

I used this to also fix any specific weaknesses that made me feel bad. So now I feel very comfortable with my life. I produced a bunch of stuff that everyone unambiguously agrees is good.

Finally, I made sure to put my efforts into a few areas. If work is going poorly this week, at least I lifted more at the gym, and vice-versa. Having your ego fulfilled from different areas prevents you from feeling bad if one goes south.

Hope that's useful.

Note: Advice of this calibre is all assuming that there's no issue that actually requires therapy/medication. I don't know much about those options. My experience was just garden variety anxiety that can affect any human being.

Meditation. Put aside the Ego. Nobody thinks more about you than yourself. Exert discipline over the things you can, let go of the things you can not (Stoicism in a nutshell).

Hi this happened to me, I quit my prestigious job and got a much less prestigious job that is less stress. Now I want the stress back and am almost more anxious. If you have a lot to do just try and prioritize and do what you need to do today. That is what I always told myself. I had zero brain cycles and now I have lots but it's like I have nowhere to put them and would rather be getting juiced by that other better company. I will probably ask for my old job back at some point. :-) Much love! Everything in life is temporary and your heart knows best....

nb

I am diagnosed with Pure-O OCD and can relate to the constant fear. It's terrible and difficult to explain to someone. It sucks and sometimes I had to go home from work because the ruminating overwhelmed. I've had coworkers notice that I seem very distracted and take it personally until I tell them what's going on. The fears ranged from being an imposter to various other health concerns that weren't related to work in the least.

I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication for my OCD and have explained my conditions to my higher ups so they would have a better understanding. I also started seeing a cognitive behavioral psychiatrist who had me doing exposure therapy to reduce my fear response to triggering stimuli. I've had significant improvements since i've started treatment, and now each day doesn't feel like the end of the world, but I still have moments of deep panic from time to time that are more manageable. I know you aren't seeking medical help which I completely respect, but I hope knowing that you aren't alone helps in some way.

I'm in total agreement here. The fight or flight response to anxiety feels really hard to overcome, but it is possible using these and other approaches.

Something else that I feel like I should mention is that if you're feeling overwhelmed, scheduling an appointment with a googled therapist near you to talk about anxiety is an awesome concrete action to take. In the heat of the moment, it can feel like admitting defeat (it's not). It's kind of a way of TDD'ing your view of yourself.