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My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

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Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#81

Post by hga »

knowaveragejoe wrote: post #78
rmxt wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for the mansplanation -- glad that you can tell us all about how voluntary it was from up on your high horse of rationality and the saddle of free will. Now, whole bodies of academic work, and whole fields of science, would suggest that "little flip out episodes" that can be classified according to well developed criteria are significant enough to be named and described. Naming, description and classification…

I don't see how his reply is sexist. I suppose we could really reach for something to justify the use of the term "mansplanation", but I think it detracts from the point you're trying to make. Now, I'm not saying that this is the case in this story, but having gone through school in the late 90s and early 2000s I saw plenty of what the parent comment described. It was cool to have "mental issues" in some crowds, main…

I can understand a degree of suspicion, but seeing as this is Hacker News, a reader shouldn't have to wait very long until others with this experience could vouch for its verisimilitude (or lack thereof), as I was able to do from my own personal experience with a girlfriend three decades ago ... definitely way before the generation of people you're referring to. Hmmm, and my girlfriend did not really fit into the "typically white, middle class kids" pattern you're referring to.

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#82

Post by kazinator »

skimmas wrote: post #75
outworlder wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is an horrible thing to say. She is not 'flaky' as a spoiled socialite would be, she has a mental disease. One that only seems to crop up from time to time. 'Poor relationship material'? She is still a human being in need of support. I'd say you're poor relationship material.

can't reply to OP. I'm amazed by the lack of humanity in some of the comments that came up. I can understand if someone is too weak to handle it or the disease is too disturbing that it makes a relationship impossible, but this looks like people talking about other persons as products. I wonder what will the OP do when in a relationship he ever has an accident or something that turns him into poor relationship materi…

You're not showing "humanity" if you stick with someone in a new relationship upon discovering a mental disorder. It's a personal choice; someone making a different choice doesn't lack humanity.

And once children are involved, it is not just about you. Plus, you're bringing that person not only into your life but into your family.

Here is something: what if your feelings change because of this? Should you stay, just for the sake of demonstrating your humanity to the world?

Oh, right, it's okay to break up because of changing feelings, because those are human.

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#83

Post by 6d0debc071 »

pbz wrote: post #63
6d0debc071 wrote: post #37

I wonder whether carrying a photo of you and her, perhaps several photos in different situations with different people from her social circle, would be useful.

Depends on the part/alter. Some have a different image of themselves and wouldn't recognize "themselves" in the picture. Some may think you're trying to trick them.

Hmm, tricky. What about carrying a mirror as well; do folks retain the ability to recognise themselves that way?

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#84

Post by kazinator »

pbz wrote: post #72
drinchev wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you give more specific examples of "We all dissociate, but to a much lesser degree". Looks interesting to do more googling on that, but I have no keywords.

Have you ever driven home and when you got there you weren't sure how it happened? You didn't remember driving the entire time. Your hands were at the wheel, but your "mind" was somewhere else.

If it was your home and you recognized it, and the people in it, then that is not relevant here at all.

You're equivocating between the colloquial use of "dissociate" (as in "marathon runners practice dissociation and association") and the clinical term as it is used in this context for a disturbing disorder which has nothing to do with driving a memorized route on "auto pilot".

And, by the way, you'd still hit the brakes if a kid jumped out onto the road chasing a ball. It's just multitasking.

Simliarly, a piano player isn't "dissociating" just because he or she isn't thinking about which finger goes to which key at all times.

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#85

Post by hga »

mapt wrote: post #80
sjtrny wrote: post #45

Does anyone have an explanation for why she can tell a dissociatve episode is about to happen? It strikes me as really odd.

Because there is a self-aware, behavioral component to not just dissociative events, but to most maladaptive psychiatric disorders. This component may be small or large - the fact that we've medicalized the disorder simply says that the overall pattern of behavior is causing severe problems, nothing about cause or self-awareness. The people afflicted with them are not simply normal people who are possessed by a rando…

"The most infuriating thing about having a family member with a personality disorder, my own dive into ab-psych, is that they can turn it on and off in certain contexts, they can be triggered and they can avoid being triggered, but not in a context where you need them to, where you beg them to. It is a way in which they are acting, an unhealthy coping mechanism and pattern of thinking that colors all their thoughts - but it is not something that they can't control or observe at all, only something that they don't usually control or observe well enough to avoid causing problems. There is no clear line between their disorder and their voluntary behavior and their personality, it is one unified whole."

This is so very true. The member of my family with a clear personality disorder would likely be a criminal if she wasn't able to turn it off or otherwise limit it in various public contexts.

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#86

Post by Klinky »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #73

> She'd wake up with no memory of what had happened, and wouldn't want to know. This was probably the most painful part of that whole story. Naturally, I was thinking of my wife and myself as the main characters throughout the whole story, and while it would be incredibly difficult to go through this, it would be harder if she woke up the next morning and didn't want to acknowledge or know about what had happened the…

I dealt with physical illness which caused large amounts of anxiety and stress. If you've recovered from a dehumanizing situation, often you don't want to invite those negative emotions back into your life. You just cross your fingers and hope it doesn't happen again.

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#87

Post by pbz »

6d0debc071 wrote: post #83
pbz wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Depends on the part/alter. Some have a different image of themselves and wouldn't recognize "themselves" in the picture. Some may think you're trying to trick them.

Hmm, tricky. What about carrying a mirror as well; do folks retain the ability to recognise themselves that way?

Depends on the part. The brain can alter what they see in the mirror. For example if they think they're fat and you show them in the mirror that they're not they still may not believe you. It's a fascinating topic.

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#88

Post by tunap »

mapt wrote: post #80
sjtrny wrote: post #45

Does anyone have an explanation for why she can tell a dissociatve episode is about to happen? It strikes me as really odd.

Because there is a self-aware, behavioral component to not just dissociative events, but to most maladaptive psychiatric disorders. This component may be small or large - the fact that we've medicalized the disorder simply says that the overall pattern of behavior is causing severe problems, nothing about cause or self-awareness. The people afflicted with them are not simply normal people who are possessed by a rando…

Take an upvote for explaining what I have suspected from observations of myself, friends and family for a few decades. I do not have the ability/skills/education to iterate my suspicions quite so succinctly but I do recognize my weaknesses and know if I consciously mitigate the triggers I can prevail over certain impulses and self-destructive behaviors...which is a far cry from what the author wrote about, but still a correlate, IMO.

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#89

Post by baby »

csense wrote: post #46

Whenever I hear about stuff like this, I wonder: Is there anything the failure modes of the human brain allow us to deduce about the software architecture? Maybe memories are stored in some partitioned database, and one of the partitions is always stuff relating to "my identity", and somehow this partition can get unlinked and temporarily re-linked to a blank one, which is discarded after a few hours. Hmm, maybe this…

> Whenever I hear about stuff like this, I wonder: Is there anything the failure modes of the human brain allow us to deduce about the software architecture?

Like a fault attack to reveal the inners of human. Brilliant :)

And I want to say yes! I've read about it somewhere: a region of the brain was damaged on some persons, and they would function normally most of the time, except they couldn't understand metaphors. I can't remember where I read this though...

Re: My Girlfriend Dissociated and Forgot Who I Was

#90

Post by baby »

Squarel wrote: post #55
o0-0o wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do not agree that having a semi-bad trip makes you forget who your friends are. In fact, I wouldn't call that a semi-bad trip, at all. If someone forgets their friends while tripping (and I assume you mean on acid) they actually, likely, never liked that person enough anyway. Breaking down the barriers and lies is what it does.

I would assume as the poster is talking about raves, they are referencing ketamine or MDMA, and both of these are more than capable of making you forget who you are, let alone who your friends are.

I think you are mixing MDMA and LSD here.
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