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The introvert's guide to getting noticed

pauldessert.com

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Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#31

Post by jorgis »

amelius wrote: post #15

My advice: determine your briggs meyers' personality type, and see what you can change about being introvert, and what is just part of your personality. Also, if you have many social problems, it may be the case that you suffer from (social) anxiety, and you should talk to your doctor about it.

Your personality can change based on your experiences. Nothing about you is set in stone.

Most of the time, change is effected through long effort and reflection, and by the end you don't see you've changed at all.

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#32

Post by mjbraun »

Paul_Dessert wrote: post #20
otto_sf wrote: post #17

"Create opinionated material and share the shit out of it." ... this is downright terrible advice, for either introverts or extroverts. And introverts are generally capable of going through life without being noticed as much as extroverts, and don't feel the need to create divisive clickbait to share like an asshole. That's why we're introverts. It's okay!

Hello troll. I knew you'd show up. In case you missed it in the article... "Understand trolls will always try and bring you down. It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to do with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless."

Not everyone who disagrees with you is automatically a troll. Why not provide more support for your argument instead?

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#33

Post by civilian »

jeffwass wrote: post #27
MichaelGG wrote: post #18

Not necessarily related to introverts per-se, but I see it a lot in the geeky stereotype. Try getting good clothes. Go to a good store and let the people do their thing. (Or otherwise find some fashion advice). I did this as an experiment a few years back. Just walked into a place, gave em some cash and said make me look less of a dork. (I usually just wore slacks and a plain tshirt, mostly dark colors, nothing worth…

> It was like this secret power, just putting on a Wardrobe of Charisma +5. That made me chuckle. Mind commenting on what kind of clothes they offered and for what sort of price range?

You might get some mileage out of: www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#34

Post by Paul_Dessert »

mjbraun wrote: post #32
Paul_Dessert wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hello troll. I knew you'd show up. In case you missed it in the article... "Understand trolls will always try and bring you down. It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to do with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless."

Not everyone who disagrees with you is automatically a troll. Why not provide more support for your argument instead?

There are others in this thread that disagree with me and I'm not calling them trolls. This person's tone and choice of words landed them in "troll category" in my mind.

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#35

Post by pm90 »

MichaelGG wrote: post #18

Not necessarily related to introverts per-se, but I see it a lot in the geeky stereotype. Try getting good clothes. Go to a good store and let the people do their thing. (Or otherwise find some fashion advice). I did this as an experiment a few years back. Just walked into a place, gave em some cash and said make me look less of a dork. (I usually just wore slacks and a plain tshirt, mostly dark colors, nothing worth…

I feel that a lot of geeks underestimate their attractiveness. Geekiness seems to be accepted and even cool in today's society. Geeks will usually have a good job or be doing something interesting, and will generally have their lives in order. The only thing that seems to be really holding them back is some kind of devotion to bad clothing: sneakers and hoodies might be great for Zuck, but for the rest of us non-billionaires, a little better clothes don't hurt.

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#36

Post by pm90 »

jeffwass wrote: post #27
MichaelGG wrote: post #18

Not necessarily related to introverts per-se, but I see it a lot in the geeky stereotype. Try getting good clothes. Go to a good store and let the people do their thing. (Or otherwise find some fashion advice). I did this as an experiment a few years back. Just walked into a place, gave em some cash and said make me look less of a dork. (I usually just wore slacks and a plain tshirt, mostly dark colors, nothing worth…

> It was like this secret power, just putting on a Wardrobe of Charisma +5. That made me chuckle. Mind commenting on what kind of clothes they offered and for what sort of price range?

Adding more to civilian's comment: you will find both good and bad advice in that subreddit. I think a decent wardrobe (fitting shirt, fitting pants, leather shoes, belt) can be acquired for within $500 if you hit Macy's or other department stores. Try not to buy super expensive stuff; clothes and shoes are easy to ruin, and my personal rule of thumb is that its better to buy cheap and replace than to buy some insanely expensive shoes and then be distraught when you spill beer over it or something. Another advice: its all about the fit. If you really want to look good, find clothes that fit really well. Don't try to be 'flashy' or different, it will usually backfire.

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#37

Post by MichaelGG »

jeffwass wrote: post #27
MichaelGG wrote: post #18

Not necessarily related to introverts per-se, but I see it a lot in the geeky stereotype. Try getting good clothes. Go to a good store and let the people do their thing. (Or otherwise find some fashion advice). I did this as an experiment a few years back. Just walked into a place, gave em some cash and said make me look less of a dork. (I usually just wore slacks and a plain tshirt, mostly dark colors, nothing worth…

> It was like this secret power, just putting on a Wardrobe of Charisma +5. That made me chuckle. Mind commenting on what kind of clothes they offered and for what sort of price range?

I was visiting Orange County (ugh) then, and just went to some upscale men's clothing shop/boutique. Shirts were about $100-300 each, pants $100-200, shoes another $100. (I had a very friendly expense account at the time.)

This was south California casual, I guess? Shoes that look good sockless (or wear those little liner socks). Button-down shirts that have some simple design. It was nothing really, and I'd have no problem doing outfits that good myself now, after spending perhaps 10-15 hours reading about fashion and trying stuff out. But at the time it was revelatory.

I am certain that many guys in my position would do fine just going any decent-looking clothing store and asking the salesguy to make you look OK. They're good enough to not let you leave looking like a dweeb. Personally I like some of Banana Republic's stuff, as it's higher quality than Target, and still casual (yet the other half of the inventory seems very "douchy").

People are so vulnerable to social manipulation via clothing and all sorts of other means. The stereotypical programmer person looks down on this, perhaps because they're not comfortable, or because it feels "fake". It might be useful to view social as just another system to be hacked. And in the process, one might realise it doesn't have to be fake and can be quite rewarding.

Yes, I know, this reeks of just blindly following trends and conformity. But we don't say that of other hacks. "Loser! You just shoved some escape characters into a querystring and looked for issues. That's so common, you're such a sheep." Yeah, maybe, but the end result is what matters. And feel free to A/B test versus wearing a "I'm too CSSy for this shirt" tee and decide which leads to a more fulfilling experience.

[The irony of me giving out fashion and social advice. Like someone advising you to "buy a computer with Internet; that's my favourite program".]

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#38

Post by MichaelGG »

otto_sf wrote: post #17

"Create opinionated material and share the shit out of it." ... this is downright terrible advice, for either introverts or extroverts. And introverts are generally capable of going through life without being noticed as much as extroverts, and don't feel the need to create divisive clickbait to share like an asshole. That's why we're introverts. It's okay!

It's not that being introverted is bad. It's totally fine. But sometimes introverted people end up not getting what they want because they don't get noticed. That's not intrinsically bad, but it can be frustrating at times if you aren't getting the opportunities that you would like to have.

Look at some well-known popular tech personas that have done well for themselves. Many of them seem to know approximately nothing, technically. I roll my eyes when I see them linked to as some all-knowing sage. Yet they've now got tons of resources to do whatever they want. If they had thought "wow, I don't know shit and my skills are probably below average" they wouldn't have continued to pump out those "divisive clickbait" articles and be an "asshole" and subsequently land all sorts of lucrative contracts.

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#39

Post by AnimalMuppet »

Paul_Dessert wrote: post #20
otto_sf wrote: post #17

"Create opinionated material and share the shit out of it." ... this is downright terrible advice, for either introverts or extroverts. And introverts are generally capable of going through life without being noticed as much as extroverts, and don't feel the need to create divisive clickbait to share like an asshole. That's why we're introverts. It's okay!

Hello troll. I knew you'd show up. In case you missed it in the article... "Understand trolls will always try and bring you down. It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to do with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless."

In case you missed it, he's disagreeing with the article. Replying with more opinion (not fact) from the article is not an effective rebuttal...

Re: The introvert's guide to getting noticed

#40

Post by civilian »

MichaelGG wrote: post #37
jeffwass wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It was like this secret power, just putting on a Wardrobe of Charisma +5. That made me chuckle. Mind commenting on what kind of clothes they offered and for what sort of price range?

I was visiting Orange County (ugh) then, and just went to some upscale men's clothing shop/boutique. Shirts were about $100-300 each, pants $100-200, shoes another $100. (I had a very friendly expense account at the time.) This was south California casual, I guess? Shoes that look good sockless (or wear those little liner socks). Button-down shirts that have some simple design. It was nothing really, and I'd have no…

I agree with your sentiment about wearing nice clothes for the social hack feeling "fake". At some point in school I made a conscious effort to judge people by who they are, rather than by the material things surrounding them. And even though I'm playing the sheeple's game by dressing nice(r), I try to still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and judge them by who they are. It's paid off; I got a (very welcomed) free lesson in Cassandra at a tech meetup because I started a conversation with someone who other people were avoiding because of appearance.
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