The Importance of Anxiety

Magnesium is worth checking out as well, even if you're eating a proper diet (nutrient bioavailability can be affected by a lot of things).

There's been quite a bit of research and interest in the role of magnesium in anxiety, depression and several other common medical conditions.

I take it along with a benzodiazepine and the difference now after supplementing mag. is very noticeable (sleep quality, functionality, anxiety) compared to the benzo alone, though in my specific case some level of mag. deficiency is quite possible, which could explain the change.

Make sure to get a form of magnesium that is actually bioavailable though. The oxide is apparently near useless as a supplement despite being very common, while chelated forms like magnesium glycinate are supposed to be much more bioavailable, and that form in particular doesn't seem to cause digestive problems like some other forms do (the citrate is actually marketed as a laxative if I'm not mistaken).

>All cool and great, but can you now give me something to shut that feeling off?

Yes. This is what therapy is. It's a professional teaching you tools to deal with anxiety. Find a style (Cognitive Behavior, Humanistic, Psychodynamic, etc) that makes sense to you and then find a therapist who practices it and give them a call. Say everything you said here and see what they say. If you like it, go in for a session or two and see how it feels. Repeat until it feels right.

It's work. Very hard, very difficult, very nervewracking, all-consuming work. But it is so worth it. The anxiety still exists, but it doesn't have power over you. You recognize it for what it is (another data point your subconscious is giving you) and move on. I feel more like me than I ever have before and I'm in control.

You can also medicate - you'll want a psychiatrist for that (psychiatrist is a psychologist who is licensed to prescribe you meds). But that never worked for me, it just buried the anxiety under other strange feelings but never made it go away and usually made it worse cause I knew I wasn't fixing the problem.

Let's extol the virtues of fear and hate, while we're at it.

Yes, it's normal to get anxious sometime, just as it's normal to get angry sometimes. Someone who never, ever gets angry could be suspected of bottling up their feelings (but we can't be sure). Our emotions aren't under direct voluntary control, so if we find ourselves getting angry, or anxious, or fearful, we must aim not to freak out, or criticize ourselves for it, or become anxious about our anger, angry about our anxiety, fearful of our fear, or any other such downward spiral. Emotions are normal; they are ok.

However, doing what a negative emotion says to do usually doesn't work out as well as doing something else, in my experience. While we can certainly find evolutionary justifications for the things we feel compelled to do under the influence of these emotions, that doesn't mean they are helpful. Fear tells us to flee, to avoid, to destroy, or to deny. I've read that highly successful people who seem fearless do feel fear but just aren't as bothered by it. I think this says the exact opposite of the OP's message, which in this analogy would be The Importance of Fear: It Tells Us When to Run Away. The hard part about fear is acknowledging it and not running away. That is called courage.

Similarly, anger. When you are fighting with your wife (or co-founder), they may say something that you take personally and it hurts your feelings. You are outraged. You strike back, and a fight breaks out. Ok, that's fine, that's normal. But one of you, at some point, has to ignore the anger voice that tells you to defend yourself at all costs, and to attack your enemy's weaknesses. Yes, your partner has become your enemy, thanks to anger.

Anxious drivers don't drive better than non-anxious drivers. I may have moments of anxiety when I drive, such as if I notice a car about to merge into me and I swerve. Perhaps the anxiety plays a physiological role in helping me respond. However, it takes many seconds for the feeling to subside, during which time the anxiety is not helping me, it is hurting me. It also seems naive to identify the feeling of anxiety with the biochemistry of responding to an urgent situation. We could just as well say anxiety is a psychological state which is a harmful byproduct of the physiology.

Another analogy: Anxiety is like dirt, or the clutter in your house. You'll find bits of dirt on the subway platform. Some people's houses are awash in clutter. We often seek to get rid of it, but it's not evil. It's not important, either, in the sense of functional utility. Sure, you can construct arguments about how it's ultimately necessary -- an Earth without dirt, for example, sounds rather sterile; does it have no trees? Where does the oxygen come from? -- but if there is anything unhealthy about your attitude towards dirt, I don't think emphasizing the importance of dirt in your daily life is likely to help.

Mainly, we're stuck with it.

Slacker Jews?