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The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

nytimes.com

21–30 of 30 posts

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#21
post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People who are wealthy or extremely good looking have more options than us. If I were rich enough to realistically date young models then it might not be plain weird anymore. Look at Patrick Stewart. How many 70 year olds would marry a woman in their 30s if they actually could?

What do you mean by, `than us'? Confront it, people working in the software industry are generally wealthier than the average Joe. We do have more options. (Of course, there's always a bigger fish.)

The gap between billionaires and the average software engineer is so large that it makes any such "confrontation" meaningless.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#22
Here's what's scary: both could be right. Each interprets and constructs meaning from various gestures, actions, words, etc., through their own lens, especially retrospectively.

For example, guy and girl go out to dinner, have a great time, have a couple of glasses of wine. Girl goes back to guy's apartment; they are both light-headed, and end up having sex. Months later, after a breakup, the girl legitimately believes she was taken advantage of ('The asshole was using me all along; he plied me with wine and raped me'), while the guy legitimately believes that what happened was 100% consensual. It is obvious why after a tough break-up the girl may (choose to?) think this way. Also, she IS on some level right: the guy DID want to have sex with her, and the dinner and wine weren't a completely innocent gesture. But guess what: this is what relationships are like, and these situations are virtually impossible to avoid. Every relationship I've been in has had similar 'open to interpretation' moments.

Anyway, this is one reason why relationships today are sometimes an absolute hell; we live in a culture that encourages us to treat everything as means rather than end, including people, and at the same time we are obsessed with ourselves--obsessed with protecting our beautiful, world-deserving self, and are terrified that we might be being used, or that we might be using or accused of using others.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#23
"Your kindness, integrity, and desire to make the world a better place..."

That insipid disgusting phrase. "To make the world a better place." It is so devoid of meaning and so emblematic of the meanest circle jerk in silicon valley that it should probably be outlawed.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#25

"Your kindness, integrity, and desire to make the world a better place..." That insipid disgusting phrase. "To make the world a better place." It is so devoid of meaning and so emblematic of the meanest circle jerk in silicon valley that it should probably be outlawed.

Every time I see the phrase "make the world a better place", my brain automatically adds "for me" at the end of it. It tends to enhance the truth of the statement.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#26
post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People who are wealthy or extremely good looking have more options than us. If I were rich enough to realistically date young models then it might not be plain weird anymore. Look at Patrick Stewart. How many 70 year olds would marry a woman in their 30s if they actually could?

What do you mean by, `than us'? Confront it, people working in the software industry are generally wealthier than the average Joe. We do have more options. (Of course, there's always a bigger fish.)

lots of devs make more than 200k a year, which is way higher than average. But wealthy people own yachts and rent villas in Europe.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#27

I'm happy to see this on the front page instead of flag-killed(?) like it was earlier today: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9036698

Ah so that's what was happening. I was trying to post it yesterday with no luck.

I wonder why the mods would block this link. I'll admit the article seems more intent on telling a sexy story than commenting broadly on the state of Silicon Valley gender issues.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#28
post #22

Here's what's scary: both could be right. Each interprets and constructs meaning from various gestures, actions, words, etc., through their own lens, especially retrospectively. For example, guy and girl go out to dinner, have a great time, have a couple of glasses of wine. Girl goes back to guy's apartment; they are both light-headed, and end up having sex. Months later, after a breakup, the girl legitimately believ…

I'm surprised to haven't seen this mentioned yet, but based on the article and skimming the emails linked to, the woman was very religious, and the guy not at all (but went along with it anyway).

I'd argue that if you're an atheistic person, then the worst case scenario of dating a very religious person is something like that story. The amount of cognitive dissonance and self-imposed guilt and shame in religious people, especially when they're still young, is very likely to lead to messy situations like the one described. Young people are full of hormones and impulses that they want to act on, but the religion in their head tells them to feel bad about it. This can lead to absolutely absurd situations, where they're very happy to have sexual relationships but feel very guilty after them.

I dated a religious girl, and the emails exchanged by those 2 reminded me of my own relationship 7 or so years ago. Fortunately my story wasn't as messy as this one, but there were definitely a couple of hard earned lessons and very uncomfortable moments. Some of the stories that girl told me about her earlier life were quite unreal to me- for example, she and her ex boyfriend would have sex, then she'd feel guilty and go confess at church, and a day later they'd have sex again, etc. (if you're a priests, you must get to hear a lot of intimate stories from impressionable confused young people. And of course all priests are men... connect the dots as you will)

It's hard to draw any conclusions based on the article and material available - but to people that have found themselves in similar relationships, some of the interactions described aren't surprising. The lesson for me was, date people with world views similar to yours.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#29

"Your kindness, integrity, and desire to make the world a better place..." That insipid disgusting phrase. "To make the world a better place." It is so devoid of meaning and so emblematic of the meanest circle jerk in silicon valley that it should probably be outlawed.

I've called this out before on HN and was downvoted quite a lot for it. I don't remember the startup, but they did something mundane like Pinterest, and claimed they were doing it "to make the world a better place". It's weird that people here try to defend this sometimes.

Re: The Stanford Undergraduate and the Mentor

#30
post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People who are wealthy or extremely good looking have more options than us. If I were rich enough to realistically date young models then it might not be plain weird anymore. Look at Patrick Stewart. How many 70 year olds would marry a woman in their 30s if they actually could?

What do you mean by, `than us'? Confront it, people working in the software industry are generally wealthier than the average Joe. We do have more options. (Of course, there's always a bigger fish.)

>average Joe

I see what u did there

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