Ask HN: What is wrong with me?

Assuming that you've checked that you're not actually repulsive (halitosis, habitual drooling or unchecked running nose, pants hiked up to your rib cage and smelly, unwashed shirts), then it's most likely that you're just not finding the kind of people with whom you have chemistry.

I felt rather similarly in my early and mid twenties. I didn't click with people, and it always felt like too much effort to socialize. Then I moved to the Bay Area and my life changed over the course of two months. I finally met people with interests and goals I could relate to.

For what it's worth, if I were doing it again now, I'd move to a great city and exploit things like Meetup.com, get out, and take up every class and activity that so much as caught my eye.

Remember: to be interesting, you have to be interested.

Without knowing you personally it's really hard to say.

My personal experience with friendships/relationships is that it is a chicken and egg problem. It's a lot lot lot easier to make new friends when you already have many (same goes with romantic/sexual relationships). It probably has to do with social proof dynamics and the fact that you might be unintentionally signalling insecurity through body language and appear to be desperate. It's possible that a lot of the people you talk to think something like "there must be a reason this 29 year old guy doesn't appear to have any friends".

One drastic solution would be to move to a new city or country which would make it more socially acceptable for you to openly seek out new friends without appearing to be desperate. Another option would be to join a local sports team or other group activity where socialising isn't the central goal (poker, working out, hackatons, hiking, etc.).

Finally, HN is probably the wrong crowd to ask for this kind of advice. http://forum.bodybuilding.com/, http://boards.askmen.com/ and other similar "lifestyle" communities would probably yield more interesting results as a lot of the people on those forums are there specifically because they have gone through similar situations.

Absent more information, it's difficult to tell. There are a bajillion possible reasons people aren't hanging out with you. Off the top of my head, some of the reasons I don't like to hang out with certain people include them being overly argumentative, saying racist things, leaning in too closely to me while talking, not taking things seriously, taking things too seriously, and body odor. It's also possible that you're over-analyzing your current situation.

You really should just try asking a close friend, family member, co-worker, classmate, or anyone you spend (or used to spend) a lot of time with (in a friendly capacity or otherwise). That said, the fact that you're asking HN rather than a close friend, family member, etc. suggests that doesn't work for you, for whatever reason.

So try this: go to a random meetup, chat with a stranger for 15-30 minutes, and then ask them if there's anything about you that seems off-putting. If you feel uncomfortable asking that kind of question or if you're concerned that you won't get an honest response, tell them you're gathering data for a study or something.

And if that doesn't work, you can always schedule an appointment with a professional therapist.

Disregard all definitive answers in this thread. You have provided so little information, it is impossible to answer your question with any reasonable degree accuracy.

The best way for you to receive an answer that is close to reality is to visit several psychotherapists and talk to professionals qualified to talk about your personal issues while maintaining your privacy. It would be also beneficial to learn more about meditation, self-awareness and psychology in general.

There's a "friends fallacy": Statistically, your friends have more friends than you. It's a true mathematical fact, due to the fact that the people with a lot of friends weigh a lot in the average of a lot of people. So it's not only your imagination ;)

I'd say you need to have a mentor, and in many cases it means having a psychologist. It takes hours to get over shyness and beyond all other hindrances of social life.