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Stop Complaining in February

complaintrestraint.com

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Re: Stop Complaining in February

#51

Post by [deleted] »

marcandre wrote: post #25
forgottenpass wrote: post #21

Venting is called vent ing for a reason. There is no "secret sauce" to stopping, but there do exist plenty of techniques for stress management that aren't venting. "Simply stop complaining" can even be a more dangerous coping mechanism than unrestrained venting. Edit: Maybe I wasn't very clear - I'm not saying venting is a good idea, I'm fairly sure it's considered maladaptive coping (but don't care to look that up t…

[citation needed]. It is a myth that one need or even should "let go" of their negative emotions. Instead, that reinforces the propensity to feel that emotion more strongly the next time. Rad "Emotional intelligence" (1st chapter IIRC) by Goleman for a better explanation and scientific references.

[deleted]

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#52

Post by steveax »

makmanalp wrote: post #32

This is pretty great - not complaining is a virtue I really admire. I had a friend in college, he was an outdoorsy type, and did forest firefighting in the summers. When we went on long hikes, we'd all be griping towards the end about how cold it was, how tired we were, how we should have not forgotten to bring X Y and Z - except him. He'd just start singing or taking the lead, and then we'd realize that he's actuall…

I think the outdoors can be a great teacher - I know it has been for me about things like this.

Many years ago a friend and I went to Yosemite to do a climb on Half Dome. Day one we were humping up to Little Yosemite Valley. It was a hot day and we were starting to grouse about the heat and elevation gain. As we rounded a switchback we were greeted by an enthusiastic "Good morning. Beautiful day isn't it!". Our greeter was wearing an enormous pack and was navigating the trail with crutches and leg braces. After chatting a bit, we carried on and vowed to not complain for the rest of the trip. Day 3 we were heading down to the Valley after completing the climb on the mist trail. It was a high snowpack year and the falls were thundering and true to the trail's name, blowing mist everywhere. We stripped down to shorts and no shirts and were reveling in the feeling of the mist and sun when we encountered a couple heading up the trail. They were in full boating rain gear and as we passed them I heard one say in a weepy voice "this is so horrible!".

The lesson that stuck with me from that weekend: your conditions do not necessarily determine your experience.

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#53

Post by scj »

As a Canadian, it would be socially unacceptable not to complain about the weather in February. It is a common topic of small talk. Less so in the summer, as the common retort to weather complaints is that "at least it isn't snowing".

The example of rain is given, and I wouldn't be complaining about rain. I just got back from London (UK, not Ontario), where locals couldn't seem to understand that I wasn't being polite, that I genuinely enjoyed their weather compared to home. Being able to walk somewhere for 10 minutes without any exposed skin becoming numb in late January was lovely.

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#54

Post by stared »

With one kvetch (last for this Feb?): "the missed bus, the rainy weekend, the crying baby next door" are small and current annoyances - and I have no trouble not complaining about them. But when it comes to missed life opportunities, wrong life choices (and anything having many-year long profound and irreversible effect on one's life) or about things broken with the world - it's much harder (at least - for me).

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#56

Post by squeaky-clean »

I like this. I try to complain minimally, but I've shared this with some friends and we're going to do it together. I want to take my minimal complaining down to zero. It's just a bad habit that I think has no benefit.

I try not to complain because who cares? All it does it make me dwell on whatever is upsetting me, and no one around you wants to hear it, even if they're courteous and listen. If I'm having a bad day, why would I make my friend's day worse by having to listen to me vent about it? Who wants to swipe through Facebook and read about my neighbor's crying baby? Instead I'll put on some headphones and post a link to whichever album I'm listening to in order to cover it up.

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#57

Post by ashark »

gghootch wrote: post #50
jdreaver wrote: post #19

I see a lot of people taking interest in this idea. For a more nuanced and holistic approach to "not worrying about things you cannot change," I would check out Stoicism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism The best intro book, in my opinion, is William B Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". The main problem I find with simply "Stop Complaining," is how do you do it? What should you an…

Alternatively, you could take an existentialist approach. Considering the meaningless, absurd, chaotic nature of the vast universe, is it really worth it to get all worked up over someone stepping on your toes?

Marcus Aurelius isn't that far from that point of view, at times. Many passages in Meditations can be paraphrased as: "In the blink of an eye you and all your enemies will be dead, and cease to exist. You will be dust, and your petty struggles forgotten. Why dwell on things that don't matter, and that make you unhappy?"

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#58

Post by camillomiller »

gghootch wrote: post #50
jdreaver wrote: post #19

I see a lot of people taking interest in this idea. For a more nuanced and holistic approach to "not worrying about things you cannot change," I would check out Stoicism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism The best intro book, in my opinion, is William B Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". The main problem I find with simply "Stop Complaining," is how do you do it? What should you an…

Alternatively, you could take an existentialist approach. Considering the meaningless, absurd, chaotic nature of the vast universe, is it really worth it to get all worked up over someone stepping on your toes?

You may end up being overwhelmed by depression. Or maybe you end up being Kurt Vonnegut.

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#59

Post by ashark »

Kenji wrote: post #34
jdreaver wrote: post #19

I see a lot of people taking interest in this idea. For a more nuanced and holistic approach to "not worrying about things you cannot change," I would check out Stoicism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism The best intro book, in my opinion, is William B Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". The main problem I find with simply "Stop Complaining," is how do you do it? What should you an…

For people interested in Stoicism, I can recommend the book Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. There are a couple of very accessible English translations (the original text must be in Latin). The book is basically a collection of many thoughts that are roughly one sentence to a page long and self-contained. So you can read it any way you like, in any order. There are some really inspiring thoughts in the book, though so…

> (the original text must be in Latin)

Greek, oddly enough.

Re: Stop Complaining in February

#60

Post by tblancpain »

chris_wot wrote: post #41
tblancpain wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t want to write out rules or codify behavior with this, so I never wrote this out, but: of course you can still critique things. I’m a designer, my work consists of giving people critique and telling them what’s wrong with their work, and how to make it better. I couldn’t survive half a day without this. What this month is about, for me, is getting rid of useless negativity in my life. And that comes from compl…

Ok, I've probably misunderstood you then... I'm all for what you are saying there :-) but why limit that to February?

I found that the benefits – a more well-moderated use of complaining in everyday life – stay with me all year, so I do it steadfast for one month and then am a bit less aware, and probably a bit more lax overall, about my complaining.
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