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Has there been any research on this topic? About why we complain about what we cannot change and if it serves any purpose?
What I noticed is that not griping not only drastically improves your mood, it also improves everyone else's mood.
There are two kinds of gripes - ones that can actually effect change, and ones that can't. The latter seems to be the useless majority of gripes for me. Especially self-pity complaints seem to be the most egregious.
Not complaining doesn't equate to being hard on yourself or being a rah-rah aggressive and stereotypically masculine human being. It's just that if you're in a situation, and you can't change anything, then complaining just makes you feel bad and makes the situation feel worse. It encourages you to put things off, to make them bigger and more difficult than they seem.
And if you actually can change the situation you're in, then power to you, but go ahead and do something about it rather than /just/ complaining. Or maybe complain /to/ someone who can and will change things.
What a load of crock. Venting about things I can't change keeps me sane. Screaming at the raging ocean.
I see a lot of people taking interest in this idea. For a more nuanced and holistic approach to "not worrying about things you cannot change," I would check out Stoicism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism The best intro book, in my opinion, is William B Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". The main problem I find with simply "Stop Complaining," is how do you do it? What should you an…
I'm in! That said, I find it hard to hold on to a negative thought ("don't do X, don't think Y"), so I decided to apply the reverse: I'm going to be happy about the amazing things I have access to in February. I mean, think about it. Running water! Isn't that amazing ? And think about wifi on airplanes. In the air! Flying! Chatroulette on air! Even on economy class!
I see a lot of people taking interest in this idea. For a more nuanced and holistic approach to "not worrying about things you cannot change," I would check out Stoicism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism The best intro book, in my opinion, is William B Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". The main problem I find with simply "Stop Complaining," is how do you do it? What should you an…
Some previous discussion on this:
If you must complain, do it silently. :)
If I had a dollar for every time I heard my mother say that I could pay someone to listen to me complain.
Finally, some of you may remember that late last year I pledged to disavow online negativity until the end of 2013. I would like to say I was successful in that, but in truth I did slip up on IRC a time or two, for which I apologized to those present. A promise is a promise though, and so I must confess that in the end, the experiment was kind of a failure. What I learned is that real life is not as simple as just trying to 'turn off' the negativity, and that shutting down the valve when the tank is already at pressure is not the best idea. Mostly what I've felt since I realized my self-imposed ban was over was relief. I've learned that expressing negative emotion is as important as expressing positive emotion, it's just a question of how, when, and to whom. So perhaps the real lesson is just learning a bit of self-control and understanding context, and the difference between healthy release and just meanness. Hopefully I know that a little better now. Time will tell.
The thing is, where do we draw the line in "things we cannot change"? Are we supposed to stop complaining about design decisions of some software? About corrupt politics? The noisy neighbour?
Here's some guidelines to know if you should complain: - If you heard someone else complaining about this, would it make you feel good? - Will anyone else care? - Does this need to be said? By me? Right now? - Is this complaint creating positive change? - Can I rephrase my complaint to address the issue positively? Ideally, none of the things you listed should be complained about. Just stating your annoyance at a sit…