The thing is, where do we draw the line in "things we cannot change"? Are we supposed to stop complaining about design decisions of some software? About corrupt politics? The noisy neighbour?
Yes. The point is to focus on things that make you happy.
Stop Complaining in February
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Re: Stop Complaining in February
#12What a load of crock. Venting about things I can't change keeps me sane. Screaming at the raging ocean.
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#13I predict there will be a lot of comments in this thread complaining about this website.
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#14What, if a company gives me a faulty product and won't repair it or refund it I can't complain to them? If Congress/Parliament does something absurd we can't contact our MPs/Congressmen? It's a nice idea, but I don't think this will fly.
The point is focus. Yes you can/should complain when a situation arises. But a lot of people (myself included some times) seek out things to complain about. It's like a disease. If you find yourself primarily reading the HN stories that make you angry, or if you always go to the coffee shop when it is most busy... stop it.
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#15That is a great idea, you should all do it.
Hearing you complaining time and time again gets boring quickly
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#16It is said very well in the Serenity Prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
I have found the last part to be the most difficult to discern.
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#17The thing is, where do we draw the line in "things we cannot change"? Are we supposed to stop complaining about design decisions of some software? About corrupt politics? The noisy neighbour?
Here's some guidelines to know if you should complain:
- If you heard someone else complaining about this, would it make you feel good?
- Will anyone else care?
- Does this need to be said? By me? Right now?
- Is this complaint creating positive change?
- Can I rephrase my complaint to address the issue positively?
Ideally, none of the things you listed should be complained about. Just stating your annoyance at a situation doesn't do anyone any good, and it's likely everyone else already knows about it, or doesn't care. Instead, try to address the problem at hand with a solution, or accept that you can't address it and move on.
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#18What a load of crock. Venting about things I can't change keeps me sane. Screaming at the raging ocean.
The funny thing about venting is that it doesn't work; in fact, research indicates that it makes you more aggressive over time. The pseudo psychologist in me suspects that by venting, you're reliving the event, and reviving those emotions, but in such a manner that you're forcing yourself down the rabbit hole, since when you vent, it's from your perspective. When it comes to things you can't change, you simply have to accept them and move on. Why would you waste emotional (and by extent physical) energy on these things?
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#19I see a lot of people taking interest in this idea. For a more nuanced and holistic approach to "not worrying about things you cannot change," I would check out Stoicism:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism
The best intro book, in my opinion, is William B Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy".
The main problem I find with simply "Stop Complaining," is how do you do it? What should you and should you not stop complaining about? Do you shut out your feelings about the offending topic, or do you internalize the annoyance and move on? These questions are generally addressed by the Stoics, but I can easily see someone trying to just stop complaining and getting frustrated.
Re: Stop Complaining in February
#20What a load of crock. Venting about things I can't change keeps me sane. Screaming at the raging ocean.
You do realize how irrational it is to scream at an ocean, right?