Ask HN: How do you thank the people that changed your life?

#1

Post by _sunshine_ » Thu, Dec 25, 2014, 11:24 PM UTC

Taking some time off the almost-non-stop programming and tinkering, I'm wondering how can I thank those people that have helped me beyond what anyone else would have had?

You know, those people who went out of their way to help out when you had an illness, who taught you the things that changed the course of your life, or maybe were always there, silently comforting you when you had a tough day. Do you have such people in your life? And what do you do for them?

I always feel I can't thank them enough. And one theory that struck me is that it's really impossible -- what we can and should do instead is help others the same way we were helped, selflessly comforting them and helping out. WDYT?

Re: Ask HN: How do you thank the people that changed your life?

#2

Post by ddingus » Thu, Dec 25, 2014, 11:46 PM UTC

Just tell them.

Do it in an honest, real way. It can be as simple as, "Hey, thanks! You had a good influence on me." Or, "Man, I would not have made it without you. Thanks."

And mean it. That takes looking them in the eye and speaking from your heart, and they can tell. Special dinner, or treat is optional and fun, but just meaning it, getting their real attention for a moment to say it is what counts the most.

Most people, who are helping others in this way, don't expect much. They do it because it's the right thing to do, and that has it's own rewards.

In my experience as both mentor and having mentors and supporters of various kinds is seeing the other person realize some goal, or see success or just be happy is pretty gratifying.

Know that.

Now, your last paragraph gets right to the meat of the matter, IMHO. Yes, you can't really do enough. This kind of thing isn't about dollars or points, or any other such thing.

It is all about being a good human. When we are good humans, we tend to be surrounded by others who appreciate good humans, and it's catchy too.

So pay it forward. Be a good human when your time comes and feel all that those people you are thankful for do, and then tell them that, and close the loop.

They will very seriously appreciate it, and you will feel damn good about it all.

My .02

Re: Ask HN: How do you thank the people that changed your life?

#3

Post by mooneater » Fri, Dec 26, 2014, 1:32 AM UTC

You can never thank them "enough". But taking a good moment for a heartfelt thanks, is more than most would do, and all you can do.

I feel the only way to "repay", is to pay it forward (since in general it is unlikely your helper will have the same need as you).

Re: Ask HN: How do you thank the people that changed your life?

#4

Post by ddingus » Fri, Dec 26, 2014, 1:55 AM UTC

mooneater wrote: post #3

You can never thank them "enough". But taking a good moment for a heartfelt thanks, is more than most would do, and all you can do. I feel the only way to "repay", is to pay it forward (since in general it is unlikely your helper will have the same need as you).

Right on.

Re: Ask HN: How do you thank the people that changed your life?

#5

Post by JacobAldridge » Fri, Dec 26, 2014, 2:51 AM UTC

Paying it forward is the key to gratitude in this case, so keep it up. It's still nice to acknowledge those who have helped you.

Two weeks ago I did up my list of influential people - it came to 49 names, including some familiar HNers I've never met and some business people I've worked closely with for years. I sent them all an identical 2-3 line thank you email. I didn't see value in personalising it - it's hard to quantify or put into words. And judging by the responses I received, not enough people take the time to do that.

Re: Ask HN: How do you thank the people that changed your life?

#6

Post by sleepingGoerge » Tue, Jan 06, 2015, 12:27 PM UTC

"Don't say, do!" Honestly, I think the best way to thank someone is to show them your appreciation, not by merely saying "thank you." And especially if it's those people who have changed your life, host a special party just for them, bring them a thoughtful gift if you go traveling out of the state/country....there's so much you can do for them. It's all based on how much they mean to you and how much you're willing to give back.