Ask HN: How much screen time do you let your kids have?

Since our daughter was three, we have read aloud to each other every night. Like others in this thread, we don't have a TV. When she was younger, she would sometimes draw or play with Playmobil while we read, but still we would always read together. When she became old enough, we would pass the book around and each read a bit. She would typically read one or two pages, a "reading sacrifice," while one of us would finish the chapter. She is now 10. We still read to each other every night, and she herself has become a voracious reader as well as an enthusiastic writer, using google docs to collaborate with friends and share with family and teachers. She reads chapters of her favorite books or her own writing aloud to us. She has her own laptop computer (chromebook to dual-boot linux for Minecraft), which I think she uses responsibly. When she goes online to chat with friends or play on a Minecraft server, she tells us where she's going. Just as we'd want to know if she's visiting a friend's house, we want to know who she's spending time with online. Ditching the TV (who needs it?) and replacing it with family reading has been wonderful for all of us.

There are so many great books that are enjoyable for young and old alike. It will of course depend on your and your child's proclivities, but our favorites over the years have included: The Wizard of Oz books (all 12 volumes, some of which are quite dark, except Ozma's birthday; blech); The Ramayana (seriously); Winnie the Pooh; Stuart Little; Narnia; Hobbit; Sherlock Holmes; Agatha Christie (we read 60 of these together after she turned 7; her favorite is The Body in the Library); Hugo Cabret; The Golden Compass; Sea of Trolls; Treasure Island; Tripods; Wrinkle in Time; Earthsea Trilogy; LOTR; Rumpole of the Bailey; James Thurber; Lemony Snicket (esp. All the Wrong Questions). In addition, she has her own favorites that she's read alone to herself over the years.

She also reads many graphic novels, which have greatly influenced her own storytelling and art. She has loved Amulet, Flight, Delilah Dirk, In Real Life, The Silver Six, Ghostopolis, Bad Island, Zita the Space Girl, Drama, Sisters, Smile, Rapunzel's Revenge, Bone.

For reading aloud, I especially recommend Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie, and other crime/mystery books with 19th-century decorum. They expose the crime, puzzles, characters, and social dynamics, while leaving the explicit sex and violence off stage. (She can of course ask about anything she likes.)

I hope people will respond with their favorite out-loud reading books.

I never limited "screen time." I only took their stuff away or denied them things for very specific problems. So, they learned to stop behaving in a problematic way.

Example: Their dad would take their video games as punishment for something totally unrelated and it bred resentment. I took their video games only if they were fighting about a specific video game and I only took that specific video game and lectured them that they were doing it wrong, games were for having fun and if they were fighting with a loved one over a stupid game, they were totally missing the point. They learned to negotiate and cooperate and not fight.

I also sometimes took their controllers during the day because we homeschooled and "10 minute" breaks would turn into hours of video games and they got nothing done. So, for a time, I locked up the controllers during the day. They were given them back not at any specific time (like 3pm) but once they were done with their school work for the day. So working harder got rewarded.

If there was a problem in specific, I addressed that specific problem. But I never arbitrarily limited anything like "screen time." I have zero understanding of what the point of that is. To my mind, unless you specifically think it harms them developmentally (for example, creating eyesight issues), I just cannot fathom why parents feel some need to be so controlling about this stuff. It just does not compute for me.

They are now 25 and 27 and they are wonderful human beings, imo. I am perfectly happy with the results of my parenting efforts.

My kids are older: 11 and 9. Here are the rules:

- Tablets can be used for reading at any time

- Schoolwork is a valid reason to use devices

- Music without videos is not "screen time".

- anything else is "screen time".

- Screen time does not exist on Monday through Thursday. (This was originally "from school end until all homework is done", but it turns out that their behavior is significantly worse when we allow that.)

- Screen time is never available after dinner, unless a parent is actively involved. (Drastically improves their ability to go to bed on time.)

- On weekends, one day is as much screen time as you want until dinner time. The other day may or may not have some screen time depending on behavior. If you find something better to do, you can't claim a refund.

There hasn't been a live TV feed in our house since before they were born; commercials are fascinating to them. I frequently have to tell them to put down a book while they do something else, because otherwise they will try to perform the task one-handed while reading.

The comparison was books vs. tech, not books vs. reality.

Banning is a poor substitute for discretion.