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The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

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Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#21

Post by mathattack »

I think they overly downplay the effectiveness and efficiency of vanishing. I used to work with a VERY polished salesman, who was the king of making everyone feel at home at his events. He was an absolute gentleman. But you knew he would disappear without saying a word at the end of the night. There would be a car waiting for everyone that needed it, but he wouldn't say Goodbye. Nobody faulted him for it.

On the other extreme... I went to a political fundraiser where it was clear the politician worked the room like a, well politician. He made everyone feel important and listened to. After he had done his once-over, he announced, "Thank you all for coming. I apologize for leaving abruptly, I have to go an meet my mom for dinner." I was stunned at how smooth he was.

Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#22

Post by therealdrag0 »

Spooky23 wrote: post #11

On a somewhat related note, when you have the time, you can sometimes yield dividends by not ending the conversation at an early point. A 10 minute conversation can teach you a lot or even earn your some goodwill.

Good point. I think I've gotten to the point of too habitually keeping conversations short. But really, a bit of a longer conversation is probably more healthy and valuable to me than seeing another reddit post or w/e else I'd do with those few minutes.

Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#23

Post by logfromblammo »

JustThrowinAway wrote: post #16
dsjoerg wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

but why those attributes and not race or height or credit score. not to make too big a deal of it but it's interesting to note which attributes are considered notable/identifying.

The examples you've provided cannot be immediately distinguished just from talking to a person. Additionally, these are two traits that are very identifiable - they're broad definitions that only separate people into two groups. Young implies younger than the OP (the other option being old), female is one of two groups the vast majority of the population fits into.

When I go to the beach and don sunglasses to mask my otherwise creepy leering behavior, the two adjectives that most precisely describe the people I ogle are "young" and "female".

And I most certainly do not prefer to stare at Powerpoint/Keynote/Impress slideshows as someone drones on about goals and metrics.

While the preferences that govern attraction are a bit more varied, the propensity for men to enjoy the company of women who are obviously of reproductive age is literally the sole foundation for huge swaths of the advertising industry. It cannot be overridden by political correctness or gender-equality progressiveness. This is such a deeply entrenched fact of human interaction, that one can make jokes about it in the right situation, without any prior setup.

And when someone does, it is acceptable to laugh, rather than to question the premise.

Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#25

Post by logfromblammo »

mathattack wrote: post #21

I think they overly downplay the effectiveness and efficiency of vanishing. I used to work with a VERY polished salesman, who was the king of making everyone feel at home at his events. He was an absolute gentleman. But you knew he would disappear without saying a word at the end of the night. There would be a car waiting for everyone that needed it, but he wouldn't say Goodbye. Nobody faulted him for it. On the othe…

The unannounced exit is also known by the slang terms "ghosting", "Irish goodbye", and "French leave".

I'm not altogether certain that you could place it at a fixed position on the "appropriateness" axis. It would probably depend largely upon the number of people in the social environment, and as such, the one-on-one conversation experiment would be the least appropriate situation in which it could possibly be used.

The politician in your example used both a closing statement and an excuse to disengage, the two strategies with both high politeness and high efficiency. That shows a very high level of social intelligence.

Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#27

Post by TrainedMonkey »

Swizec wrote: post #15
SixSigma wrote: post #6

In the UK we have "right, I'll let you get on" like you are doing them a favour.

Also a Lord Vetinari trick from the Discworld universe: "Don't let me keep you." "When Vetinari considers the meeting ended, he usually dismisses his visitors with the phrase "don't let me detain you." The inherent implication being that he just might if they let him."

This begs for clarification. Lord Vetinari considered ruthless patrician and was prepared for this role at assassins school. Without healthy dose of fear and respect this phrase might come off as condescending.

Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#28

Post by blisterpeanuts »

FroshKiller wrote: post #24
blisterpeanuts wrote: post #4

This brings to mind a conversation I once had with a smart, young female programmer with a playful sense of humor. Me: I have a meeting. Her: yeah, right. Those were fun times.

I, TOO, HAVE SPOKEN TO A GIRL.

Geeze, no need to shout!

Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#29

Post by blisterpeanuts »

I used to have long chats on the phone with an EE consultant friend. He was unmarried and lonely and would just never get off the phone. Whatever I said ("well, have a nice day" or some such), he would quickly interject "so tell me what your plans for the holidays are" or some similar opening to keep the conversation going. I found that the only way to end the conversation was to say "I have to go" and he would immediately terminate the call. Weird. He didn't take to email when it became prevalent, so we just don't keep in touch anymore.

Re: The Science of Politely Ending a Conversation

#30

Post by mathattack »

logfromblammo wrote: post #25
mathattack wrote: post #21

I think they overly downplay the effectiveness and efficiency of vanishing. I used to work with a VERY polished salesman, who was the king of making everyone feel at home at his events. He was an absolute gentleman. But you knew he would disappear without saying a word at the end of the night. There would be a car waiting for everyone that needed it, but he wouldn't say Goodbye. Nobody faulted him for it. On the othe…

The unannounced exit is also known by the slang terms "ghosting", "Irish goodbye", and "French leave". I'm not altogether certain that you could place it at a fixed position on the "appropriateness" axis. It would probably depend largely upon the number of people in the social environment, and as such, the one-on-one conversation experiment would be the least appropriate situation in which it could possibly be used.…

I was in awe of him. And thought, "That's how and why he got elected." :-)
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