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From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

benjamincburns.com

41–50 of 234 posts

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#41
I am so sorry to hear this and also so glad you posted it here, Ben. Thank you. We all get so busy in our daily details, it's nice to be reminded what's really important.

Just some quick, well intentioned feedback from someone who has lost almost every important loved one...

Please don't be angry. That may seem like a natural response, but it is wasted output, serving as input into no productive process. Life is not a problem to be solved; it is a gift to be savored, one day at a time.

Have fun doing what you love to do, but don't forget to knock off when it still makes sense today. Then go hug your love one(s). Today will be gone tomorrow and there is no algorithm to bring it back.

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#42
post #13

If people donate nothing towards ameliorating diseases of ageing[0], then what's to be expected? People die. People get sick. Everyone you, and I, know is probably going to suffer and perish. The poor soul in the blog post sounds like he got struck down in his prime; but rest assured, your time is coming in a matter of decades. Accept death/disease or do something about it; but don't be shocked when it happens! Stati…

Upvoted because what you said was true and relevant, but the downvotes you got from other people suggest it might be an idea to work on your delivery; occasions like the current tragedy tend to be occasions when people don't appreciate comments that come across as snarky.

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#44
post #41

I am so sorry to hear this and also so glad you posted it here, Ben. Thank you. We all get so busy in our daily details, it's nice to be reminded what's really important. Just some quick, well intentioned feedback from someone who has lost almost every important loved one... Please don't be angry. That may seem like a natural response, but it is wasted output, serving as input into no productive process. Life is not…

I here declare, that I disagree.

http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#45
post #13

If people donate nothing towards ameliorating diseases of ageing[0], then what's to be expected? People die. People get sick. Everyone you, and I, know is probably going to suffer and perish. The poor soul in the blog post sounds like he got struck down in his prime; but rest assured, your time is coming in a matter of decades. Accept death/disease or do something about it; but don't be shocked when it happens! Stati…

Remind me of the sentiment shared by Becker before his death when he wrote The Denial of Death.

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#46

I'm so sorry to hear that. A very sad and sobering read. I'm sure a lot of your coworkers and team are contributing, like you said, but it'd be nice to think (if they haven't already) that your actual company would make a reasonable contribution to Nicola and their future child, since it sounds like Steven gave so much to the company (albeit under compensation). I know I would for one of my key and valued employee's,…

Yeah. My company pays for a pretty good life insurance policy and long-term disability policy for each employee (beneficiary designated by employee, of course). It really doesn't cost that much and can make all the difference.

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#47

I know I'll get downwoted for this, nevertheless .. I don't know how about Steven and Nicola, however I myself would mind having certain intimate moments shared with general public (e.g. overheard phone conversations, etc ..) Having sad that, I feel for Steve's and Nicola family. It's always tough.

No need for the preface - it's a fair thing to say. I hemmed and hawed about whether to post this article at all for this exact reason. In the end I decided that if I was going to post it I should be both respectful and truthful. I probably could've worded it better. I probably could've added some disclaimer that this is true as far as I remember, but my memory is fallible. [Edit, as I hit post too soon]: Either way,…

I think you made the right decision. This is a very touching and saddening story, and as you said, it's very hard not to put yourself in his shoes. I think about my family any time I read a story of a loss.

You have made a tribute to what sounds to be a wonderful person and a great friend. You have also helped to raise money for his family, which I'm sure will help---if not just a little bit---to put him at ease knowing that they have support. And you have brought further attention to cancer.

I hate having my personal affairs public, but in a case like this, I'd be happy to have my story known.

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#48
post #13

If people donate nothing towards ameliorating diseases of ageing[0], then what's to be expected? People die. People get sick. Everyone you, and I, know is probably going to suffer and perish. The poor soul in the blog post sounds like he got struck down in his prime; but rest assured, your time is coming in a matter of decades. Accept death/disease or do something about it; but don't be shocked when it happens! Stati…

Remind me of the sentiment shared by Becker before his death when he wrote The Denial of Death.

Interesting looking book[0]!

[0] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Denial_of_Death

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#49
post #41

I am so sorry to hear this and also so glad you posted it here, Ben. Thank you. We all get so busy in our daily details, it's nice to be reminded what's really important. Just some quick, well intentioned feedback from someone who has lost almost every important loved one... Please don't be angry. That may seem like a natural response, but it is wasted output, serving as input into no productive process. Life is not…

Thanks so much for this.

For what it's worth, I'm not an angry person. I recognize how useless and distracting anger is. I owe that mostly to my ability to see solutions where other people see problems. However when there are no solutions to be found, and the problem is this large, I can't help but experience this sort of frustration.

That said, the experience of writing this up and witnessing how this story resonates within people has been helpful. When I posted it I had no idea if people would upvote, especially with the obvious/shameless call to action for a donation. Seeing donations come in as a result of this has brought me to tears.

Being faced with such a situation it's impossible not to feel cynical toward the the world. Thanks to everyone here for responding so positively.

And you're so correct that life isn't a problem to be solved. I lose sight of that far too often.

Re: From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

#50
I don't have a brain tumour, but I have had, and am still having, an experience which has made me think seriously about my mortality.

I'm 31. About three years ago I started having three/four day long bouts of total delirium, roasting fever, extreme nausea, can't even keep sips of water down when it happens - by day three or four, I'm usually too weak to move, totally dehydrated.

Two years on, my GP is still going "clearly your hygiene is terrible and you're giving yourself food poisoning", and it had got to the point where I'd be lying there, lapsing in and out of consciousness, feeling my heart stop. And start. Then stop. Then I'd turn blue. Then it'd start again. Then I'd turn back to a nice healthy jaundiced yellow.

Took myself to the far side of the planet, got diagnosed with gallstones. Not just good old fashioned gallstones, but gallstones that make an imaging tech go pale and run out of the room to bring in several other people to hemm and haww before looking at me and going "Sir, you're extremely ill.". Turns out my gall bladder ruptured years ago, due to a large collection of stones, and occasionally oozes bile and bowel contents into my innards. It has eroded my vagus nerve (hence the cardiac symptoms), damaged my liver, and I'm having surgery at some point hopefully soon to have the damned thing (gall bladder) outright removed. I can't drink any more, and my other half gives me no end of shit for smoking weed in my spare time, as it's the one thing that makes the f'ing thing stop hurting - or at least makes me not care that it hurts. I've tried various legal pharmaceuticals, but they all either make me more nauseous, or make me incredibly tired - or I can't take them because they're liver metabolised. I digress.

Anyway.

The long and the short is that knowing what's wrong with me has helped, as when I didn't know it was utterly terrifying, and while it's now still terrifying, it's a known terror, rather than my darkest fears made manifest.

I could drop dead with only a few days notice from this, and my next attack might be my last. Every time I've had a major attack, I haven't just felt like I've been dying - I have been dying - and have been fortuitous enough not to. For now.

This led to the realisation that I could drop dead at any point, regardless of this. I mean, we're all ultimately aware of our own mortality, but until you're reminded of it every day, by perhaps an awkward "I have a stick wedged under my ribs and looking at things makes me feel sick" sensation, you never really appreciate it.

Mortality is the ticking timer that keeps you alive.

If the mortality of others can remind us of the importance of living well, then even if just in that way alone, they persist in doing good for we the living even once they're gone.

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