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The Roots of Midlife Crisis

theatlantic.com

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Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#51
post #50

'Cause before you know it, it's done. Nothin' but babies and memories. You hear me? Babies and memories. Smile, sweetheart. Give us a smile. Say "Mojo." Say "Mojo." - Friday Night Lights I wonder how much of the concept of a "Mid-Life Crisis" is based on economic stability. You used to be able to get out of high school, get a good union factory job, get married, have kids, buy a house, all before you were 30. Then, a…

Nah - that's why it's interesting that the article focused on a tenured professor. Speaking as one of the same, I can confirm: Stability does not equate to subjective perception of happiness. I know a lot of profs who've _left_ guaranteed, stable, tenured jobs to run off to industry within a few years of getting tenure. (Ok, so they all went to a startup or to Google, but still: They gave up security with a very reas…

I've had some problems with security in happiness: I generally feel like that security is just idling -- that the stuff I _really_ want to do if being inhibited by the drudgery I have to do to have security.

I don't want a stable job unless it feels like an adventure and we make _progress_, not products. That's a feeling I get out of school, not out of work.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW, I'm married with three kids and I really like my wife and kids. I certainly don't think it's for everyone, but I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand on the assumption that everyone who has a family is miserable (although I admit I may be an outlier...?). I say this only because you might deprive yourself of something you may enjoy.

I believe studies have generally shown married men, on the whole, to be happier than unmarried men. I'm not sure about women, nor about how children affect things. Regardless, you are not an outlier. Huge numbers of people with families are happy about it. It's fashionable for men in their 20s to talk about marriage entirely in terms of loss of freedom, but that doesn't mean their ideas are in accord with reality.

They still get married, don't they?

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#54
post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So what are you suggesting? Contemplative meditation? Spirituality? Religion? All these may or may not increase happiness, but they certainly to not increase one's closeness to the truth that is reality, although they certainly seem to have the effect of making some people feel like they are closer to the truth. But if these things do uncover truth, why does there seem to be so many difference versions of the truth?…

they certainly to not increase one's closeness to the truth that is reality I have to admit, I'm impressed you have this level of confidence in such a fantastically deep and generalized assumption. Even more interesting is how you rationalize your assumption by stating that those who have derived truth about reality from spirituality or religion are just feeling it to be true. I'd at least appreciate your vastly supe…

You attack my surety but the passive-aggressive tone of your comment gives me good reason to suspect that you are also quite sure of your stance. I would also wager you would be less likely to change your position when offered new and compelling evidence than I, but that is neither here nor there.

Reality is just that: reality. It's not one's perception of reality, it's what is. Reality is also consistent, within it's own rules.

We have ample evidence that cognition is created in the brain. We have ample evidence that our thoughts are the product of neuronal activity within our brains, and we are just really beginning to understand the mechanisms behind our quite amazing brain. There are many studies detailing experiments that have induced a wide range of feels in human brain using only physical means, including inducing the feeling of a spiritual experience.

We have ample evidence that chemicals, and brain structure affect that way we feel and what we like, love, hate and fear and that these are affect not just by our life's experiences but the millions of years of our evolutionary heritage via genetics. Saying that science is useless in understanding human thought and motivation is much like saying that physics is completely worthless because it has not identified and categories every snowflake that has ever been. You don't need the structure of of every snowflake to understand what conditions create them nor to predict when they may fall, and you don't need to know everything about every thought to understand why people have thoughts and to understand the general principles behind their existence.

Why it's true that our only window to reality is via our own consciousness and thus coloured by our own internal reality (which is not reality but our perception of it), we have found a system which can break through the fog of our minds and allow us to understand what reality(actual reality) is. This system is called science, and there has been no other system that even comes close to it's effectiveness at determining the truth.

Coming back around to the topics you raised, "love, justice, forgiveness, mercy, compassion, gratitude, contentment, etc", I will admit that science had has little to say about these concepts. That is because there is no one right answer for these things. They are non-deterministic, relative to the cultural and value system of the system the individual resides in and also the conditions in which such a culture exists. I will point out that the non-science based systems also fails us in regards to these topics, with little poking around one can find all sorts of different answers in regards to the above topics. Even looking at some other metric than consensus, non-science based methods to approach the above topics seem to do as much harm as good as the world is full of people who think they see the truth and insist that others see it the same way.

At least if we can understand why people feel the things they do, and the physical fundamentals behind them, we should be able to make more informed decisions and create more rational belief systems. Mysticism can not do this, science can. And perhaps one day will shed the vestiges of our collective evolutionary physiological heritage that served us well when we huddled in caves when danger and mystery did indeed surround everyday existence, but serve us much less in the modern. Surely one day it will be a positive step for us to look up at the starry night sky and not see outlines of mythological beings but the next stepping stone for humanity.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#55
post #48

Okay I haven't read the article but I don't need to. I can tell you in pure and simple terms what midlife crisis is: It's the time when we confront, what I like to call, the reality of biology. That it's all downhill from that point onwards no matter what we do. Every birthday is in reality a 'sadder' birthday instead of a happy one, although we never put it that way because for us first-world denizens, political cor…

Perhaps you should read the article, for it offers not only a better explanation of the "dip" in the 40s but for the subsequent increase in satisfaction/contentment/happiness that then lasts until near the very end of life.

It's a long article. I have no summary. Other than "period of adjustment to changing values, none of which are related to mortality".

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#56

A midlife crisis is simply when all your 'someday' bills are due. Someday I'll go back to school and get my masters, someday I will move to X place I'd prefer to live at, someday I will visit my old friends or relative, someday I will take the time to spend with my kids. All the things you promise yourself to get through the workday. Then in the span of about 5 years, those options all close at once. Too old to meani…

I try not to waste my time on the trivial. Watching some random tv show or article. But I do make an effort to hang out with friends and family and other meaningful things.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#57

A midlife crisis is simply when all your 'someday' bills are due. Someday I'll go back to school and get my masters, someday I will move to X place I'd prefer to live at, someday I will visit my old friends or relative, someday I will take the time to spend with my kids. All the things you promise yourself to get through the workday. Then in the span of about 5 years, those options all close at once. Too old to meani…

How is that all in a span of 5 years? Life is an ongoing series of psychological crises.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#58
post #45

A midlife crisis is simply when all your 'someday' bills are due. Someday I'll go back to school and get my masters, someday I will move to X place I'd prefer to live at, someday I will visit my old friends or relative, someday I will take the time to spend with my kids. All the things you promise yourself to get through the workday. Then in the span of about 5 years, those options all close at once. Too old to meani…

That's partly it. Sometimes another part is that you find yourself with the ability to do those things you wanted to do someday. I always feel a bit sorry for guys in this age bracket who buy expensive sports cars, only to hear everybody call it a midlife crisis. Maybe they wanted a car like that since they were 18, and just couldn't afford it until now. Personally I'm 48 and just resigned from my comfortable, well-p…

Buying expensive toys is adults acting like spoiled children.

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#59

A midlife crisis is simply when all your 'someday' bills are due. Someday I'll go back to school and get my masters, someday I will move to X place I'd prefer to live at, someday I will visit my old friends or relative, someday I will take the time to spend with my kids. All the things you promise yourself to get through the workday. Then in the span of about 5 years, those options all close at once. Too old to meani…

I try not to waste my time on the trivial. Watching some random tv show or article. But I do make an effort to hang out with friends and family and other meaningful things.

Trivial activity with family is always better than trivial things on your own?

Re: The Roots of Midlife Crisis

#60

A midlife crisis is simply when all your 'someday' bills are due. Someday I'll go back to school and get my masters, someday I will move to X place I'd prefer to live at, someday I will visit my old friends or relative, someday I will take the time to spend with my kids. All the things you promise yourself to get through the workday. Then in the span of about 5 years, those options all close at once. Too old to meani…

This is spot on! While I don't have problems financially, but I feel very much unfulfilled with my day job working as an architect for a big enterprise software company.

Right now I do a lot of side jobs (architecture consulting) to get my creative juices flowing and keep me updated, and I always dreamed of starting my own boutique consulting company. I always say someday this someday that. It's hard to take that first step.

Unfortunately, I don't have the answer, and just last week I closed another side project (which made me happy because their problem was very interesting), on the other hand, office politics is really stressing me out.

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